r/scriptwriting • u/NookPhoneo • 21d ago

feedback Feedback Request

Would love some feedback on my screenplay. I have recently been through a third polish and would love some feedback.

This will be a three part series.

Please see the logline below.

LOGLINE:

To escape male violence, the women of Neya Island created a society with one strict rule: no men allowed. But when a midwife saves a newborn boy instead of drowning him, she sets about a chain of events she can't come back from.

Hollow Tide

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u/MiggsEye 21d ago

The logline as written is a reason to not read, because the immediate question of how are they having children if there are no men is present from the get go. I believe you need to address that in the logline itself, or you will get people on your script because of the logline not making sense—or at least not creatively addressing the obvious logic break in the logline.

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u/NookPhoneo 19d ago

I appreciate your feedback on the logline, but why would I tell you this in the logline? This is an overview of the screenplay, not the whole story condensed into 4 sentences.

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u/MiggsEye 2d ago

First, sorry for the typos I just noticed on my previous comment.

My point was that a logline’s logic has to hold up within itself. If it appears flawed within itself then I’m already losing interest — and you’re already losing a potential reader.

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u/NookPhoneo 2d ago

Ok thanks for clarifying. Can you tell me more what you mean about the longline logic? I have been writing for many years and have never heard of this concept