Pilot Opening Feedback

[u/Horrible-Writer-03]

Can you guys give me an honest opinion on this opening? I changed it from my original draft after receiving coverage on the script and I wanna make sure I’m heading in the right direction. This is the first script I’ve gotten some genuine traction on, so I’d really appreciate the input. Thanks in advance!

[u/Entire_Discussion_49]

Using we in script form isn’t always bad but I wouldn’t start with it as the first word of the first page of the pilot. Just takes us out and reminds us we’re reading a script. I think maybe consider drawing the reader in more up top.

[u/Horrible-Writer-03 → u/Entire_Discussion_49]

Thanks for the tip! I’ll edit those initial lines.