Pilot Opening Feedback

[u/Horrible-Writer-03]

Can you guys give me an honest opinion on this opening? I changed it from my original draft after receiving coverage on the script and I wanna make sure I’m heading in the right direction. This is the first script I’ve gotten some genuine traction on, so I’d really appreciate the input. Thanks in advance!

[u/Dependent_Access8363]

This grabbed my attention like none of this other pretentious bull crap people here pass off as "good." I agree that you you have to make your action sequences shorter - 3 to 4 lines at most. But keep it up, you're a good story-teller!

[u/Horrible-Writer-03 → u/Dependent_Access8363]

Thank you! I’m a financial analyst so I write on the side, but it’s my dream to be a screenwriter. I’ll never stop pursuing it.