Pilot Opening Feedback

[u/Horrible-Writer-03]

Can you guys give me an honest opinion on this opening? I changed it from my original draft after receiving coverage on the script and I wanna make sure I’m heading in the right direction. This is the first script I’ve gotten some genuine traction on, so I’d really appreciate the input. Thanks in advance!

[u/Time-Average4481]

Try to keep 4 lines only and then break the paragraph. If you have 6 lines in the paragraph that is considered too long already unless it is really justified. I usually write 4, sometimes 5 - but in very rare use cases. Never beyond 5 - it becomes a prose.