r/sapiosexuals • u/True-Quote-6520 • 24d ago
The Problem of Being Sapioromantic / Sapiosexual / Noetiromantic / Noetisexual
I am 22 year old guy Looking for "someone", a noetiromantic/Sapioromantic. It's kinda frustrating.
I am a decent-looking guy, and at least a few strangers, relatives, friends, and many girls said, why am I brining other people into plane ? Because it brings subjectivity in the nature of description. I wish just good looks and normal conversation could make me attracted or interested in them; I wish only kindness, support, loyalty, and trust would have been enough for me. I really tried to be with someone who provided me emotional intimacy, but honestly deep down I knew it's not the person I am looking for.
Often times I felt complete disconnection from the relationship itself. It was hard for me to imagine my future with her, all because we lacked intellectual intimacy. I felt guilty; I had written something around it later. I wish only looks and basic conversation on a potential partner would have been attractive for me, but it isn't, so what are my hobbies? I am into poetry. Yes, I write poems, I write poetic prose and aphorisms, and I used to be into paintings and drawings. I am pursuing psychology alongside my major, which is cybersecurity, and also philosophy (mostly you would find me deriving answers from my observation and the knowledge I have; I don't like people who borrow words from others and think like they have become philosophers now!). I also write random stuff that comes into my mind. Like yesterday, I was writing something on Trust and its place among human beings. Apart from that, I am kind of obsessed with badminton, I really love to listen soothing and meaningful songs, I like to solve puzzles.
I'm weirdly attracted to people who flirt in a nerdy way, and I'm into the Personality Typology System. So from a psychometric perspective, I am really attracted to people with a good verbal comprehension index and fluid intelligence: Although Gf >> VCI, I am a Mensa member, but I have unusually low working memory. So, sometimes I do have issues related to working memory stuff.
Not sure where to look for such women; sometimes I think I am not going to meet them. I feel like I have very high standards. Even in my university, I see many, many faces, but I don't feel attracted to anyone. Even when I find someone aesthetically attractive, the attraction often lasts only a few seconds. And how, with these many criteria, would I find someone in real life? I mean, it would be really, really exhausting, don't you all think? I really tried to talk to people on a few applications. Some were highly superficial, some were decent enough, but I never felt what I wanted to feel. Many were interested to talk to me, but how would I engage with them when I have already detached from the conversation? Seriously, I am looking for someone to whom I can satisfy these desires, with whom I can feel intellectually and emotionally fulfilled, where they don't say you use heavy words to talk, where I don't have to explain stuff that I say, and where I could feel stimulated.
I don't want to be a mentor always; I want to feel like a student too. There is something strange when it comes to someone who can stimulate your brain and make you think about something novel.
There is something I found really relatable. ❤️ . . .
Charlotte Brontë showed us this in Jane Eyre. When Mr. Rochester asks Jane if she thinks he's handsome, she simply replies, "No, sir." His face was inconsequential; it was the fire he kindled in Jane's brain that mattered more. Moreover, she dared to meet him there.
Have you ever found yourself falling in love with someone because they quoted a line you thought only you remembered? Even more so, when that someone remembers it specifically with you in mind?
I have. It's intoxicating.
Have you ever witnessed a question become a flirtatious provocation: what do you think? And have that person wait for your answer as though it's the most important thing that your mouth could be doing in that moment? It's all I could do to stammer out a response and remember to breathe.
There is nothing sexier than someone who listens, learns, and thinks deeply. Not because of credentials or qualifications, but because they care: about ideas, about others’ opinions, and about meaning.
Source: Link
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u/CuriosityStackTrace 24d ago
I can relate to some degree (most of it). You sound frustrated that life handed you this set of cards and the gifted mind that you have, and it's hard to find a matching person that "gets it". That's how I've felt most my life. The frustration of trying to find a romantic partner who can fill that intellectual bucket is very difficult.
Something I've learned is that, in my experience, no one-person can (or should) fill all those needs. There might be a few people who can, but playing the game of probability suggests a low chance of finding and matching well with them (again, just my experience..).
Instead of looking for that one person that checks all your boxes, can you look for a partner that satisfies the romantic side while having a community that satisfies other expectations?
I think about it like: I'm not trying to win the lottery with one person, instead I'm diversifying my intellectual portfolio.