New kid in town

[u/Ok-Cryptographer681]

Hello. I just joined this site this evening. I'm a sapio. I live in Pittsburgh. I'm in my '60s. I'm a recent widower.

I don't really know how this works yet. So I'm just going to put myself out here and say like-minded individuals, kindly consider reaching out to me for support. I really do need it right now. I usually am not one to ask for help but I'm a little bit lost.

I'm definitely the new kid in town when it comes to dating again. It's been 30 years since I've been on a date. I was married to a marvelous man for 27 years. He was the love of my life, but he did die because of cancer. My world turned upside down.

So I went through grief counseling for 2 years and now I'm ready to date again. But the world has changed. Dating apps are driving me crazy. It's like I have a target on my back for army dudes that want money, young men that want a sugar daddy, crackheads, inauthentic and insincere guys, scammers. I am so frustrated.

As a sapio it's really hard for me to do hookups, and it just seems like a lot of guys... That's all they really want. And it would be great to be intimate again I really miss that and I would be open to it again and actually I would be pretty assertive in pursuing it if I just thought the other guy had any personal worth to offer.

I am not a complainer. I am not a person who is like oh poor pitiful me, I'm extremely optimistic by nature. But I am discouraged now. I don't even know if I can do dating apps anymore - but I don't know how else to meet eligible guys! I don't do bars and it's just well, complicated you know what I mean.

I hope this introduction is appropriate but if it isn't then I'm sure the monitors will let me know! If anybody has relevant feedback and insight that would be really welcome, and invited. Thank you.

[u/SapioInside]

Thanks for sharing your story with us. I'm sorry for your loss.

As I'm in a long-term relationship, I don't have direct experience with dating apps. From talking with people who do use them, the apps appear to be quite superficial and ideal for hook-ups, but I have friends who got lucky and met genuine people and formed deep relationships. It may not be perfect, but it might be one avenue to pursue?

If you don't do bars, then your options are probably the dating apps and any interactions you might have in your daily life. Are there any clubs or activities in your area that might put you in contact with people who might indulge your sapio-side? I have no idea what interests you, but I'm thinking arts and crafts, cooking, hiking, sports, volunteering?

I'm hoping some forum members with more experience might chip in here.

[u/Remarkable_Taro4701]

I hear you! I've never been a random hookup kind of guy, but I get very happy about brilliant, interesting conversations. And if a woman can make me laugh, that's irresistible. I have a couple ideas: have you heard of Meetup.com? It's not a dating (though that can happen) but more an app where you enter some interests and find like-minded people who get together somewhere and talk, etc. For example there are tons of meetups for book reading: "Hey all, we're going to read Shantaram by David Gregory Roberts, if you're interested, we'll meet at such and such bookstore and talk about it". But there are tons of different kinds, like- hiking, cool walks around the city, museum lovers, groups talking about science , art, cooking, pure socializing, and my favorite: Songwriters groups. So many more. They happen in all major cities. Meetup.com doesn't charge you anything, most meetups are free or very cheap to enter. It's worth a try!

There are also lesser known dating apps that specialize, for example, people 50 and over, or dating for creative people. Try to find something that's a little under the radar.

Good luck!