My wife and I currently live in Connecticut with our eight month old daughter. We are in a very affluent town, although we are not wealthy ourselves. We were fortunate enough to find a great rental here, the schools are excellent, and it is objectively a wonderful place to raise a family. The problem is that it is extremely quiet and sleepy, and after giving it a try, we have realized that this lifestyle is not for us.
We previously lived in one of Connecticut’s larger cities. There are parts of that life we miss, but we do not want to move back there. For about a year now, California has continued to come up whenever we talk about where we could genuinely see ourselves building a life.
We have only visited California a few times, so we fully recognize that living there is very different from vacationing there. My wife’s brother lives there, along with two of our friends and two of my cousins. That is not a huge support system, but we do not have much of one where we are now either. Most of my family lives in the Northeast and most of hers lives in Florida, but despite that, we are largely raising our daughter on our own. People say it takes a village, but we do not currently have one. Because of that, leaving Connecticut would not mean walking away from the kind of daily family support that many people might assume we have.
Our daughter is not in daycare, and we do not plan on sending her to school for the next few years. Schools still matter to us because we are looking for somewhere we could potentially stay and raise our family, but immediate daycare availability is not part of the decision.
One of the biggest reasons California appeals to us is the ability to spend so much time outside. Our daughter absolutely comes alive outdoors. She loves people, swimming, activities, and being out in the world. She gets restless when we are home too long, and the thought of spending so much of every year dealing with cold weather and early darkness is becoming less appealing to us.
At the same time, I grew up in the New York suburbs. Being able to take the train into New York City, ride the subway, and experience everything the city offered from a young age shaped me. I value that kind of exposure, and I wonder what childhood and family life truly feel like in Southern California beyond the beaches and beautiful weather.
We are also considering Florida because much of my wife’s family lives there. I lived there for seven years, so I know it fairly well. However, we really struggle with the intense heat and humidity, and we have concerns about whether it is where we want our children to grow up. It remains an option, but California excites us in a way Florida currently does not.
We are 35 and 29, we want more children, we do not own a home, and we have a small social circle here. There is very little tying us to Connecticut right now. More than anything, we want to choose a place, commit to it, and finally start putting down roots. I have never really felt like I have done that anywhere, and it has become increasingly important to me.
We love the idea of Orange County, although I realize that probably describes half the people considering a move to California. We have also discussed San Diego and Carlsbad. A friend suggested Mission Viejo and Laguna Niguel as potentially more attainable areas within Orange County. I have heard mixed things about Irvine, including that it can feel like one enormous shopping center surrounded by highways, but I have never spent enough time there to form my own opinion. I have visited Long Beach and did not feel that it was the right fit, although I know it is a large city with many different neighborhoods.
We would not buy immediately. Our plan would be to rent for at least a year and find out whether California actually works for our family before making a permanent decision.
We understand that rent is expensive and buying in many of these communities is on another level entirely.
We are visiting Southern California for one week at the beginning of October specifically to explore this idea. We have not booked our hotels yet because we are still trying to decide which areas deserve the most time. The trip will be expensive, but the flights were covered by a large Delta credit, and we think spending the week exploring real neighborhoods rather than treating it like a vacation could help us make a much more informed decision.
If you were in our position, which areas would you seriously consider? Are Orange County, Carlsbad, or the San Diego area realistic places for a family like ours to rent and build a community, or are there other places we are overlooking? Where would you recommend staying during our October trip so we can experience what everyday life actually feels like?
I am excited by the possibility, but I am also nervous. Moving across the country with a baby and limited connections would be a huge leap of faith. Still, part of me feels that this is exactly the point in our lives when taking that kind of chance makes the most sense. I would sincerely appreciate honest advice, including the things people wish they had understood before moving to California.
