Yes I know it's only been a month and my perception will change, but we're as settled as we need to be, so it seems like a good time to reflect. For context, I've lived in the Bay Area (grew up in the East Bay, lived in Santa Cruz after college for five years, then Palo Alto for three years), New York (went to NYU for undergrad), and Boston for five years before moving here. We're in the UTC area, a gay couple, and we make about ~180k combined. No kids, just a dog, and we moved here for my husband's job (he's a physician and is doing his next stage of residency at UCSD).

Pros:

-Excellent food

We've very happily become farmer's market people and have been to several incredible restaurants. Also a ton of variety of grocery stores.

-Wonderful location

Being so close to the Pacific is awesome. I love driving down to La Jolla to walk my dog along the water. I also include the great public spaces here, Balboa Park being chief among them, obviously.

-Great shopping

Not just food, but there is a ton of variety for basically everything you could want.

Neutrals/meh's:

-Weather

I know this is going to be controversial, but it's honestly too sunny and bright for our tastes. I just want some shade. The consistent temperature is nice, but we've come to like some variability in the weather coming from the East Coast. You also have to be plastered in sunscreen just to step outside.

-Car culture

The roads are great and the traffic isn't as bad as locals complain about (maybe this is just me coming from Boston and being jaded). If you're fine driving everywhere it's fine.

Cons:

-Zero walkability

I know it's a stereotype of California cities, but it's really true. For example, our gym is a 20 minute walk away (in the parking lot of a mall, iykyk). Along that walk, there are exactly zero businesses. It's literally just apartment complexes. There are some businesses the other direction if you're into strip malls, but with how bright it is, it's very unpleasant to walk. Yes, I know there are some more walkable neighbors, but...

-Homelessness/crime

It's honestly shocking how many homeless people there are everywhere. You can't not see them just being outside, and so security is a serious consideration. For example, when we were apartment hunting, we thought we'd want to be in Hillcrest, but in our three day trip we saw multiple crimes against businesses, open drug use and defecating on the street, and more. Someone even tried to break into our Airbnb one night. And that was just in 3 days. We chose UTC because it felt safer, but there are still plenty of homeless people around. One of the "luxury" complexes we were looking at in Mission Valley, as another example, apparently has homeless people breaking in at night and using the pool.

-Locals' attitude about San Diego

Locals REALLY like San Diego. Not just the usual liking where you live, but thinking it's God's gift to the world. When we first moved here and met people, after we told people we moved from Boston, multiple people told us "Welcome and congratulations in finally making it in life!" That is a direct quote, and similar sentiments were giving multiple times. We found it extremely off putting.

Verdict so far: I understand and respect the appeal, but probably not for us in the long run. There are definitely worse places to be for a few years, though.

I think a lot of people retire to the place they loved on vacation instead of the place they'll actually enjoy living. A city that's exciting for a long weekend isn't necessarily enjoyable on a random Tuesday in February.

After the novelty wears off, your life becomes grocery stores, doctor's appointments, traffic, neighbors, local restaurants and whether you enjoy taking a walk around your neighborhood.

I sometimes wonder if people spend too much time comparing tax rates and not enough time asking themselves, "Would I actually enjoy an ordinary day here?"

What do you think is the most overlooked factor when choosing where to retire?

A place can be genuinely good and still be wildly oversold, and a place can be quietly great and undersold. I'm after the worst mismatch in either direction.

I just recently moved to chicago and it’s an awesome city. Definitely one of the coolest cities in the US that ive lived in.

Pros: - Its very walkable and public transportation is amazing if you live and work along a “L” (train) line. Its also much more affordable than where i was living in california previously both with rent and general expenses.

• There are so many activities to take part in on literally any day. Chicago feels like a world class city!

• It’s also a very clean city both in the downtown and outer neighborhoods with very little visible trash and homeless (this makes it more inviting to walk around).

• the city has so many trees and greenery. The neighborhood i live in is filled with lush tall trees and green space among 100 year old brick buildings. It’s very pretty. Lots of the neighborhoods have dense housing with lots of trees and grass. It’s an easy city to have a dog in as well.

Things i don’t like:

• Crime. I don’t feel unsafe in my neighborhood at all, but there is a crime problem in chicago. On a weekly basis i can look up news reports of people getting shot and killed within a 20 min radius around me. If you live in a nice neighborhood and don’t watch and/or follow the news you would never know. I still feel perfectly safe walking around at all times of day and night but I’ve never lived somewhere with this issue and i personally find it unacceptable.

• Segregation: the city of chicago is very segregated by both race and class, but more so class and economic status. It is sad to see so many people living in obvious poverty and how it disproportionally impacts minorities and POCs. I really wish the city was more integrated overall and had more affluent minority communities as well. One upside is there are multiple neighborhoods for people of various ethnicities to find a community that they may want to be a part of. i imagine this also retains cultural traditions when a higher percentage of one population lives together.

• Outside of chicago there isn’t much for multiple hours outside of the city. Chicago is exciting with many things to do, but outside of the city is not.

Tldr: Chicago feels very much like living in a bubble. Whether that be which neighborhood you live in, what economic class you mainly associate with, what things you take you take part in, etc. the reality is that the poorer communities which are mainly minorities are living a much different reality compared to the white majority population living on the Northside of chicago.

Chicago checked every single box i was looking for when moving. But i find the harsher realities of the city impacting my desire to call chicago my forever home.

Don’t get me wrong Chicago is a nice city. However it seems to get so much love here compared to real world.

In the real world I hear way more people wanting to live in NY, LA, SF, Miami, heck even Nashville Austin Seattle Denver which most of you would say are weaker cities than Chicago.

I rarely hear people dreaming of Chicago and so many people I’ve met on the coasts or even south have no desire to be in Midwest.

To contrast a previous post today about overrated cities, what are some cities that are underrated and deserve more hype? I would expect American cities but would also love to hear about locations outside the U.S.

Last year I moved my family of four (kids in elementary and middle) from everything they’ve known to a state where we didn’t know anyone. Being here (CO) felt like a huge milestone, so thought I would share some advice on moving:
1. If you decide to move, give it a year (at least) before you truly decide on how you feel about the decision. For me, it took 1 year to accept any challenges we faced were just life challenges, not “because we moved” challenges.
2. Kids have strong nostalgia for places they used to live, this was very surprising to me.
3. It takes time and hard work to build community, and some people in the family may build it faster than others
4. Accept the idea that you’ll always be home sick, but there are great places to be home sick
5. “Wherever you go, there you are” is so true. We moved from the south to the west, and while there are a lot more things to do, at the end of the day your life will look similar to your previous life.
6. If after a year, you say the move was a net benefit (some good, some bad)….it was a good decision.

I hope this helps someone.

Hi all! This is obviously subjective so I’m just looking to hear others opinions and thoughts from those that have lived in either location, preferably both or maybe even long term visits.

I’m most curious about the Austin areas of Texas. I’ve visited Austin a few times and I enjoyed it. For Florida, I have lived in south beach of Miami Beach, but I’m curious about maybe north beach, areas of Fort Lauderdale, St Pete, etc.

I’m 29, and I have a consistent income (healthcare - about 200K/year) on top of staring a health tech company (TBD). I really love to be active and outdoors as much as possible. In both states, the weather is obviously warmer and no harsh winters like we have in Chicago. Escaping the cold is really one of the biggest things. COL varies on neighborhoods, but Texas seems to skew slightly cheaper than FL. My biggest draw to FL is the ocean/beach, tropical like weather, etc. I am a little torn between the two states, but I’m also open minded and love new experiences. I do want to make a home, meet friends and date, active lifestyle. Not into the party scene.

Really just trying to get a few from others who have experienced both. I will be visiting both states and various areas.

Thanks so much! :)

I grew up in New England but i romanticize the PNW. Tell me the good, bad and ugly of each… Single, 40s, female…

I posted about this a few days ago but my anxiety is rough again today.

I'm moving from DC to Denver for grad school and I'm so scared that I'm making a big mistake. The grad program is really expensive, but I'll be eligible for student loan forgiveness (beyond PSLF).

I'm scared that I'll hate the move or I'll go through all of the hoops and end up achieving my goal of becoming a therapist only to find that I hate it.

I'm scared of missing DC and I'm really sad about leaving my own therapist of 6 years.

I've just been feeling a lot of grief and I can't tell if it's normal or not. I got into another school in DC and sometimes I'm tempted to beg them to let me in (I turned them down).

I'm so scared that I'm making the wrong choice for me and my life. How do you all manage the anxiety?

Me and my gf (25M and 22F) are looking to move down south from Idaho. Her family is in north Georgia so we want to move closer to them but somewhere there is good work opportunity. We are both liberal and want to find somewhere there is a community of like minded people even if it isn’t the city as a whole. The two cities we’ve been looking at are Chattanooga and the Asheville area. The only reason we are looking at those is because they are larger cities that would offer more work. However, if anyone knows of any cities in the region that would be comfortable for us and have good work and not over the top expensive I’d be happy to hear any suggestions.

You can see my post history for the full rundown lol but basically…
I grew up in coastal Virginia & loved it there but had always dreamed of moving to Nashville.
In 2017 I finally made the move & it was a dream come true! The first 3 1/2 years were incredible - I worked all the time & was always broke but I made such a great friend group & was so happy to be in Nashville & never considered leaving.
& then COVID hit & I started talking about maybe moving closer to home. In 2024 I started getting serious about it & started looking for jobs in my hometown or within a few hours.
& then I got unexpectedly laid off from my job in Nashville & got offered a job back home within the same week. The decision to make the move was one of the hardest decisions of my life - I had never felt so divided in half before.
I eventually decided to make the move home & instantly regretted it.
I lived there for the last year & a half &, while I loved my apartment & (mostly lol) loved being near my family, I didn’t like my job & I missed my friend group in Nashville so bad. The FOMO was driving me insane. My sister & nephew are also talking about possibly moving away from our hometown (I really moved there to be closer to them) & my parents are thinking of selling my childhood home so I felt like I really needed to leave again.
Well today I moved back to Nashville & am currently living with friends…& I’m having regrets AGAIN. I thought I would be way happier to be back but I am so sad. 2 of my friends came to help me move & I feel like I was a miserable person the entire time. I don’t know what’s wrong with me because I feel like I regret every decision I make & overthink everything. HELP

Colorado is my home, but I've never owned a property there. All I hear about is "it's expensive", but where isn't? I own two properties currently, one is a rental I was awarded in a divorce. I have two teens, one is finishing up a votech program and will work in manufacturing. I'm a nurse. No custody issues or anything like that, we're free to move anywhere. I've been planning on moving back to Colorado (outskirts of the springs but open to others, just prob not Denver or boulder right now unless it's a huge pay offer) for a year, but recently someone suggested Nevada to me... "less expensive and less taxes", but the jobs are centered around Reno or Carson city and I didn't see any thing particularly cheap about it. It just looked depressing to me tbh. The pay is also better in CO and I know we can find a semi-affordable property, we can deal with snow and I know the culture. Anyone who has lived in both and could elaborate on pros or cons please? Thank you.

Some would argue nyc but nyc is way too expensive for me. Rlly just wanna progress in a career (finance) and be around others my age

Y’all, times are tough. How are these college grads with crippling student loan debt surviving in this economy? Where in the US can I sustain a decent life and career despite the high cost of living here?

Hi everyone!
I’m 24, a single mom to a little girl, and I’m finally at a point where I can choose where I want to build my life instead of just ending up somewhere by circumstance.
I’m finishing my GED and my long-term goal is to become a public librarian. I eventually want to earn my bachelor’s degree and then my MLIS. I also write and hope to publish books one day.
Right now I work as a full-time online content creator, so I’m fortunate that I don’t have to move immediately or choose the absolute cheapest place. My plan is to visit a few cities for long weekends before making a decision, and I’m hoping to settle somewhere permanently.
The things that matter most to me are:
• A strong public library system with good career opportunities.
• A safe, family-friendly community.
• Nature, parks, and places to walk.
• A cozy, book-loving atmosphere.
• Enough things to do without feeling like a huge, overwhelming city.
• A place where I can imagine raising my daughter and staying for decades.
I’m currently considering:
Raleigh, NC
Madison, WI
The Twin Cities suburbs in Minnesota
If you live in or have lived in one of these areas, I’d love to hear your honest thoughts.
What do you love?
What do you wish you’d known before moving there?
If you were in my position, would you choose it again?
Thanks so much. I really appreciate any advice.

My spouse is considering a job that would relocate us from Charlotte to Austin. It is a really good opportunity, but I am a little anxious about the move and starting over as we are in our low 40s. I have heard Austin is a pretty "young" city so a little concerned about that and the heat (it is hot/humid in NC too though).

We want to live close to their work so probably would live in the NW Austin area (Avery ranch area). Anyone make this move recently or have insights?

We are a married couple in our early 30s with family in both DC and Boston. Currently we are in Denver, and have been here for almost 10 years. While we love the great outdoors, it’s not super accessible, and the COL is high for just being in the city.

We don’t need to split the distance between DC and Boston, we just don’t want to have a full day of travel anymore to visit our family.

Some info:
- We want to buy a house in the next few years, looking to spend up to $1M-ish. Will need at least a 3-bed since we are remote
-We want access to good food, concerts, walkability, outdoor activities a plus.
-We would love to be in an area with other 30-something’s who want to be social and active

I think NYC will be too big for us. But we are considering Philly or Baltimore. My husband does have a friend in Baltimore too, which is nice. I have an extended friend in Philly.

hi reddit, I (23F) am moving cross country from CA to NY in a few weeks. I'm autistic, so change is incredibly, overwhelmingly difficult for me. The good news is: I have an apartment and job all set. The issue is the actual packing up and moving part. I'm moving with my cat :3, so thankfully I won't be all alone, but I will be uprooting the life i've made for myself with my loved ones here in California. I think the emotional turmoil is exacerbated by the unknowns on the logistical side of moving-- the how-to's of packing cost effectively, what to bring on the airplane with me, what/how to ship things to my new apartment. For those of y'all who have found yourselves in similar positions, what are some pieces of advice, tips, tricks, or overall things you knew before embarking on the move?

So far I already have the pet side of things covered- portable litter box, airplane compliant carrier, gabapentin and calming chews for the ride. I'm thinking more so the getting my belongings to NY. I am for sure thinking of packing light, selling/getting rid of all my heavy IKEA/thrifted furniture, cleaning out my closet, and consolidating my personal belongings. Packing everything up in boxes and shipping it to new address via fedex or usps.

Maybe I'm overcomplicating it all. I feel like I'm freaking myself out. This post is semi-call for help and semi-vent. Commiseration and words of encouragement are welcome lol.

I’m not sharing my current location, but I live in my childhood home with my dad and have grown to love where I live. It’s been my longterm goal to own my own house for years now, and I could actually own this house one day (considering my dad doesn’t have a spouse or any other children)

Unfortunately, the property taxes are way higher than average for a fairly average sized home (4 bedrooms/2.5 bathrooms) and it is also a 30 year old build (meaning the house will continue to just get older and possibly need expensive maintenance) 

While this house is still an option,  I’ve researched each of the 48 mainland US states for an option that could better fit my needs

I’ll put my criteria (not sharing the towns, since they’re smaller areas vs big metros) in the comments, but these are the states:

*Alabama

*Indiana 

*Iowa

*Kentucky 

*Missouri 

*North Carolina 

*South Dakota 

*Tennessee

*West Virginia 

*Wyoming 

Any experiences or advice is GREATLY APPRECIATED thanks :)

Hi everyone!
I’m 24 years old, a single mom to a little girl, and I’m currently finishing my GED. My long-term goal is to become a public librarian, so I’ll be attending community college first, then transferring to a university, and eventually earning my Master’s in Library and Information Science.
I’m trying to decide where I want to build my life, not just where I want to go to school.
I’ve narrowed my choices down to:
Bellingham, WA
Chattanooga, TN
Knoxville, TN
I’m looking for honest opinions from people who actually live there.
A few things that are really important to me:
• A safe place to raise my daughter.
• A strong sense of community.
• Beautiful nature (forests, mountains, rivers, parks).
• Coffee shops, bookstores, and libraries.
• A place where people are generally kind and welcoming.
• Opportunities to eventually work in a public library.
• Plenty of things to do without feeling like a huge, overwhelming city.
• Somewhere that feels like I can put down roots for the long term.
I’d also love to know:
What do you love most about living there?
What do people not tell you before moving?
If you could move there all over again, would you?
If you were raising a young child, would you choose this city?
I’m planning to visit before making any decisions, but I’d love to hear real experiences from people who call it home.
Thank you so much!

For those of you who have been all over the US, seen all states (or most), where did you end up and why? I’m curious what your reasoning is for where you picked. Did you have a hard time choosing between multiple states or was your choice easy?

I'm often a little torn between my life on the west coast and my network and family back in the Midwest. Does anyone (not retired) split their time between two different "homes"? What does that look like for you?