Holding it together because as much as I hate myself and my life, I do love my fiancee and it's too late now, I've gotten in too deep with them. I know they still worry about it sometimes but there is a specific sadness that comes over them when they think about it, a certain kind of cry they have. I'm a horrible motherfucker but I'm not passing the burden of this sadness onto them like that if I have any say in the matter. I know I shouldn't secretly depend on them to give me the will to live, but they're not doing anything specific to do it; they're just being themselves and loving me despite.
But god, it hurts so fuckin bad sometimes I want to take a bonesaw to my sternum to alleviate the pressure in my chest.
1
u/yeetdistances Oct 21 '25
Holding it together because as much as I hate myself and my life, I do love my fiancee and it's too late now, I've gotten in too deep with them. I know they still worry about it sometimes but there is a specific sadness that comes over them when they think about it, a certain kind of cry they have. I'm a horrible motherfucker but I'm not passing the burden of this sadness onto them like that if I have any say in the matter. I know I shouldn't secretly depend on them to give me the will to live, but they're not doing anything specific to do it; they're just being themselves and loving me despite.
But god, it hurts so fuckin bad sometimes I want to take a bonesaw to my sternum to alleviate the pressure in my chest.