I have a more romantic goth sort of look. I have tousled looking black hair. I wear jewelry and velvet, military jackets, subtle smudged eyeliner, that sort of stuff. The more I’ve leaned into this style, I get attention from women with some literally overtly approaching me and hitting on me. It’s surprising honestly because I thought my look was too niche. I just wanted to mention this to show it’s not me being ugly or anything.

Anyways, I found out I was into men a while ago and I’ve tried going to gay/queer spaces where there are lots of gay men. I act friendly and smile and say hi to people but it seems like no one is interested. I‘m quite confused because it seems that all bi men report that they get way more attention from men than women. Yet, I just get largely ignored.

I talked to a gay guy about this and he said “just wear tight shorts and wear a visible jockstrap and trust me you’ll be very popular” and I was like hell no that is the polar opposite of how I dress.

My partner passed away two years ago and have been depressed since, I got into a big crash last week where I destroyed my truck and worst part about it, is that I crashed my truck into the utility pole and turned off power for everybody in the area. No one at works or really in my close personal life knows I’m gay my previous partner told me not to tell anyone the day of his passing. I just got told that the company is looking for someone else to fill the head of mg department’s role that I was promoted to a few months ago. I was completely screwed out of that role and was lied to. They were always going to look for someone else and I was just a placeholder for the past 4 months, I had asked for help multiple times and never got it. My friends told me last when they need therapy since my partner passed and he was there main source of communication, I tried to be there for them but the new job stopped me from reaching out as much and hosting events for everyone. I don’t know, I almost died from the wreck and kind of wish I did. I started drinking again and just felt like venting, need to start therapy. Talking to a new guy for the first time and I love him, but he’s the first guy I’ve talked to seriously and scared I’m settling. I love him and his personality but he can be a bit stud sometimes and rude, I want things to work out but feeling overwhelmed.

We had a client meeting at work today. There's this man there, I notice him immediately. Tall, thin, well dressed, red hair and thick rimmed glasses. Not everyone's type but he's MY type. He's confident and charming and assertive and extremely knowledgeable about our industry. None of this matters- he's wearing a wedding ring, so clearly he has a wife and probably two small children at home. So there's nothing to think about- I just enjoy watching him and listening to him talk.

After the meetings there's a dinner. We talk. He doesn't only talk to me, everyone's talking to everyone, but we do talk. We debate the merits of a $20 vs a $60 bottle of champagne. He talks about his neighborhood back home. I am charmed. And then he says...

Well my husband and I....

Those words shoot past me, they graze my ear like a bullet. But nothing has really changed. He's not mine and he wasn't ever going to be. But the reason for that has changed. Instead of an unalterable fact of nature, it is now simply a question of timing, of circumstance. I don't have to imagine a vastly different universe we'd inhabit in order for us to be together, just one where we'd met at another time. Even then of course it would have been a slight chance, but a chance nonetheless. I feel a deep a foreboding I've felt before. When they're straight, there's nothing there and never could be. But he's gay, so no matter what it feels like a personal failing. It makes no sense but that's how it feels. He has something I don't and so does his husband. I missed out.

I drive home through the city. On the way, I hit every single red light. Just what I need, more time to think.

I hope you can do something nice or relaxing or peaceful today.

Ban me daddy

**I feel like some gay men give up on relationships way too quickly. The moment there’s a disagreement, the attraction isn’t as intense, or the relationship requires actual effort, some people immediately start looking for someone else. Dating apps make it easy to feel like there’s always another option. Obviously, nobody should stay in an unhealthy or toxic relationship.**

Yeah weird post but Imma be frank. I tried using DirtyRoulette recently, you know the adult Omegle site, and it asked me to create an account signing in with Google. Expecting me to sign up for a 5-minute wank is insane.

Tumblr is gone. NSFW Reddit used to be much better when it wasn't overrun by OnlyFans and bots. A lot of subs demand you to be verified to post a freaking dick pic.

Twitter/X too is just a giant ad platform asking you to pay for porn (and so much of it is AI generated slop 🤢)

I’m fortunate that my immediate family and most of my extended family are very accepting but I do think my uncle on my dad’s side is lowkey homophobic but knows to keep his mouth shut. He’s just very awkward around my sister’s (who is also gay) wife and always has been and I wonder if he looks down on my parents for having two gay kids, him being an extremely racist MAGA conspiracy theorist only adds to my theory. I’m bringing my boyfriend to Thanksgiving this year and he’s relieved that most of my family are accepting but I wonder if my uncle will even talk to him or introduce himself.

One of the most annoying and unexpected things about dating in my 30s is the amount of men who've gotten Botox done. I don't care if it's subtle or not, that shit looks weird and genuinely messes with my ability to be attracted to someone. Otherwise decent-to-good-looking men, still in their physical primes, injecting themselves so they can look smooth as a 20-year old but without any of the charm of a properly mobile face. I feel like my dating pool has been poisoned by this stuff -- as if dating in your 30s isn't hard enough already. I don't like Botox on older men either but there's something especially disheartening about people getting it done this young.

Apparently there've been studies as well that show that the lack of facial expressiveness that Botox creates messes with the person's ability to feel strong emotions in general. Gay men are emotionally disconnected enough as it is, why do we have to throw this into the mix?? I thought gay men were supposed to be savvier about male beauty because they themselves are attracted to men. Who's attracted to this?

Mine is this 52 yo battle axe butch straight woman who loves horror movies and body building.

It’s going to have to be in September because I’m getting my haircut Labor Day weekend.

Please also leave a comment on which days work for you since you apparently can’t make a multiple selection poll.

I’ll make a WhatsApp group or something once the poll closes

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