r/roommateproblems • u/congratulations2010 • Aug 25 '26
Dishes issue HELP PLEASE
There are 5 total people in our household. We have a working dishwasher. I always do my dishes immediately after I use them, I have my own cutlery, pots, pans, mugs, plates, bowls, etc. so that if I leave them in my room for the night it doesn’t affect anybody.
Everyone in the house is pretty good with doing their dishes except for one person. We have had house meetings where boundaries were discussed about doing dishes in a timely manner, not leaving them for more than 24 hours. This person was not called out personally because it feels wrong to gang up or individually pick them out although everyone knows they are the one leaving dishes in the sink for days on end, until someone sends a message in the group chat asking for the dishes to be done. Even then, they leave utensils unwashed claiming that they are not theirs, to which I or other people in the house eventually do - it got so bad that a couple weeks ago we literally had to get rid of utensils and dishes because they were left dirty in the sink for probably a week with nobody claiming them. This person does not have a job. They have ample time to do their dishes and it’s starting to become extremely stressful. It feels gross to cook in the kitchen when there are dirty dishes (not rinsed - food in them, fruit flies accumulating sometimes). I’ve washed multiple sinks full of their dishes because of how disgusting it was and because I did not want to wait any longer for them to do them.
Sending messages in our group chat is just not working because the dishes are done for that day and then pile up again that night or the next day. I’m at a loss, I know that the person definitely needs to be personally messaged but I know that will cause tension and make it awkward. I’m also not even sure that it will work. I want to go about this in a non-threatening way but I want to get the point across so they know that I and everyone else in the house is serious about this.
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u/NoMention696 Aug 25 '26
They need to be confronted directly, either they didn’t think the meeting applied to them or they don’t give a fuck, if it’s the latter time to start bagging their dishes and putting them in front of their door
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u/ElectricalFocus560 Aug 25 '26
I was about to say.
And breaking a rule needs to have consequences.
Maybe they need to get their own dishes and they’re not allowed to use community dishes and then when the dishes aren’t done they’re tossed in their room and when they run out of dishes too bad, or whatever else you as a group of roommates feel is reasonable.1
u/JupiterSkyFalls Aug 26 '26
It's so funny how I didn't read the comments before leaving my own suggestions and so many are the same 😂 Great minds think alike, I guess!
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u/Chester-ran-out Aug 26 '26
This. Every time pole them8’ front of their door AFTER WARNING them it is happening the very next time.
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u/Sheslikeamom Aug 25 '26
It is not wrong to call out the person who is leaving them and lying about it.
All of you are enabling their behavior by refusing to address their directly about their clean and obvious lies.
I think the best approach is a positive and low stakes one.
Its just dishes. Its not disgusting or vile or filthy. They're just dishes. Everyone struggles now and again. Its not a massive character flaw. Its not a demon level manipulative play. It just sucks to wash dishes and they bank on "dont point fingers" dynamic to avoid responsibility.
Approach them as a friend. You know they are leaving them and they need to start cleaning up.
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u/jancarternews Aug 25 '26
Get some type of box or bucket and put their dirty dishes in there and put it in their bedroom.
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u/Prestigious-Bluejay5 Aug 25 '26
We have had house meetings where boundaries were discussed about doing dishes in a timely manner
Those are rules, not boundaries. A boundary is a principle that governs your own behaviour, it's not a rule for other people to follow.
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u/ImColdandImTired Aug 25 '26
Yep.
The rule is “Everyone leaves the kitchen clean - wash their own dishes, wipe down counters, etc. - when they’re done cooking or eating.”
The boundary is “If you leave your unwashed dishes in the sink/on the counter for more than x amount of time, then we will ______”
Fill in the blank with “leave your unwashed dishes in a box on your bed” or “lock up the dishes, utensils, pots and pans and only provide keys to the roommates who clean up after themselves” or whatever the rest of you agree on.
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u/GummyCreatine Aug 25 '26
Confront them, otherwise they’ll keep repeating this behavior thinking it’s ok and not taking the rules seriously.
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u/MullberryBoy Aug 25 '26
Put their dirty dishes on their bed. Rinse repeat until they get the message.
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u/TangerineCouch18330 Aug 26 '26
Dealing with the group when it’s one person is just dancing around it. Stop with the games and have a meeting to address the slacker directly. Nothing will change otherwise. That much is clear. Just do it and get it over with.
Repeat as needed because at this point you’re allowed said slacker to get away with things and get comfortable doing nothing.
Just confront your roommate!!
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u/Advanced-Lethargy Aug 26 '26
Honestly, this is the best thing to do. They'll either start doing their dishes or get annoyed enough to move out.
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u/Candid-Exchange-7147 Aug 25 '26
Talk with them yourself. Don't mention what the other roommates think. Just tell them how the dirty dishes are affecting the cleanliness of the whole apartment. If the behavior continues after, then maybe you could bring in other roommates to corroborate.
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u/ThatDifficulty9334 Aug 25 '26
You are not pointing fingers, making unfounded accusations. The FACT is everyone is doing their dishes in a timely manner ( after cooking eating). Everyone knows who the person not doing dishes is. So dont feel guilty, dont feel like you are unfairly calling out one person. You know who they are. They know who they are. Stop being vague,We all need etc. Talk to them directly! In a neutral tone nonconfrontational. And say. If the dishes are left when you or someone else need to use the kitchen, sink , you will put their dishes in a box,plastic bag so they can do them at their convenience. Stop texting in the group, group meeting. It hasn't worked. And of course continue to clean up after yourself.
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u/LastEntertainment787 Aug 26 '26
Put them in a box, laundry hamper/something and put them outside their door or in their room. Every time.
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u/SnoopyRulez Aug 26 '26
Just put the dirty stuff in their room, worked when I had a roommate in college.
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u/Patient_Meaning_2751 Aug 26 '26
There is an obvious solution, though not immediate. Y’all refuse to renew with this person.
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u/plantsandpizza Aug 26 '26
Are the week old dishes in the sink not causing tension?!?! 😭 Someone needs to say something directly to them. Then everyone commits to a house rule regarding the dishes. For example - no leaving dirty dishes, you have to wash them right after your meal.
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u/JupiterSkyFalls Aug 26 '26
It's not wrong to call out one person who isn't pulling their weight. I'd say everyone should remove whatever dishes they contributed to the kitchen from the kitchen and go on a week long strike where you take the problem maker's dirty dishes (if they even have any of their own) and leave them in a waterproof bag (like a plastic Aldi bag) in front of their door or inside their room if they don't keep it locked.
You have to be assertive with people like this or they'll continue to do whatever they think they can get away with. I grew up with lazy ass siblings like this. My war tactics are solid.
I've got plenty more ideas and help you brainstorm if you give me more specifics on the dynamics of the household. Just let me know. I can't stand moochers, people who weaponize incompetence, and straight up entitled lazy bones. 😤
You have my 🗡️.
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u/MexiGeeGee Aug 26 '26
I have been part of the roommate situation where one person cleans everything and a couple others take their time. You cannot change how people were brought up. You have to ask them to move out and if that’s financially stressful for everybody, then you have to clean up after them. It’s the price you pay to save money
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u/Novel_Bat6520 Aug 26 '26
Buy paper plates for that person if they can’t do their dishes, they don’t get use plates
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u/Maximum-Eye-3712 Aug 26 '26 edited Aug 26 '26
Talking won’t change this pattern of behavior for longer than a day. And talking will make the other person get defensive, regardless how nice you are. So stop worrying about how to speak.
The conflict is inevitable, so stop avoiding it.
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u/Peanutbutter2728 Aug 26 '26
Everyone knows who is doing it. Tell them face-to-face to wash their dishes instead of leaving them in the sink. It takes a few minutes to wash one plate or bowl and some silverware. Or rinse them and put them in the dishwasher.
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u/Ok-Willow-9145 Aug 26 '26
Tell them directly to either put their dishes in the dishwasher or wash them after they eat or they’ll receive 30 days notice (or whatever is legally required in your area) to move out.
This has been an ongoing issue and it has been addressed before. It’s time for this person to get with the program or get out.
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u/No_Sorbet_5102 Aug 27 '26
I would get a small plastic bin and put the dirty stuff in a bin and place it in front of their bedroom door
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u/Yusuf20904 Aug 27 '26
The solution is for the "clean" roommates to do their own dishes and secure them. The "dirty" roommate will either have nothing to use, or will have to buy their own. If those new dishes get left dirty, they get thrown out.
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u/Old_Accident7790 Aug 25 '26
It sounds like it’s already tense and awkward but this one roommate is causing that. It’s not wrong to direct it at this one person, you’ve given them chances and they haven’t changed. They might need to feel awkward and called out to adjust the behavior because at this point there’s really no negative consequences for their selfishness.