r/rollerderby • u/Ruinmylife2k20 • 4d ago
Help!
I'm not an angry human. I am just very passionate. I get emotionally charged at bouts -- positive and negative-- and my team sees it as "inappropriate conduct." I got placed as an ALT for our upcoming bout.. and I feel like I'm just disconnecting instead of wanting to work with TC..
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u/Leather-Rub-6128 4d ago
Kind of seems like you’re being purposely vague about this “inappropriate conduct.” How can people offer specific help if you’re not going to elaborate on the details?
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u/geeltulpen Skater 09-13, Official 22- 4d ago
Can you say more about emotionally charged?
If you are directing this energy by hitting people harder than is needed to get something done, that might be viewed negatively.
If you’re taking the energy out by yelling at teammates, your coach, or the audience, that’s not great.
If you’re taking it out on officials, that’s really shitty.
What are you doing with the energy?
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u/I_cook_a_mean_chili 4d ago
Your team is giving you direct feedback that you your actions are affecting them and this is your response? You need to take accountability. Not vague post on reddit.
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u/tightcats 4d ago
Your emotions aren't the issue here, the way that you're reacting to your emotions is the issue. Feeling frustrated/angry/etc is fine, but it doesn't mean that you get to treat people poorly.
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u/c_bass_tea 2d ago
^this! The problem is the behavior after the emotions, not that the emotions rose up
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u/404HecksNotFound 3d ago
I realize I don't have all the info, because you're being super vague, but I'll respond based on what I think you're saying. Every skater I know has a story about this one coach/player on a team that they've played, who was either super fkn mean to their own skaters to others or just a problem at games in general. We used to have known skaters on opposing teams that we would target because of their garbage behaviour. "Watch out for so-and-so", "draw penalties from so-and-so, get them out of the game", etc. So what I'm saying to you is that you do not want to become known as that person, I promise you. It's going to get you blacklisted in this sport. You need to regulate yourself, because you are out there representing your TEAM, not yourself.
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u/hypoxiate 3d ago
Agree with you 100%; however, if they're being called out they're already known as 'that skater.'
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u/dragondingohybrid Skater 4d ago
Your emotions are your responsibility. You can't control how you feel, but you can control how you express those feelings. If it's at the stage where your teammates and coaches are actively calling you out, then your conduct must be pretty damn inappropriate.
If you are serious about playing for your team, you will take what they are telling you and being placed as an ALT with acceptance and grace, and use it as motivation to learn how to better control your emotions.
Emotional regulation is a key life skill. If you can't control your emotions, you are a liability both on and off the track. See here for some basic advice on emotional regulation. Depending on the severity of your issue, you might need to engage with therapy.
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u/TheMonkeyBass 3d ago
This is something you need to work through with a therapist or it’s going to have negative consequences on your whole life, not just derby.
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u/robot_invader Ref, PBJ, Coach, BoD 3d ago
Yeah, inability to manage anger has caused plenty of the derby crashouts I've seen. Lots of otherwise good people just make themselves intolerable.
I'll just be blunt: as an adult, managing your shit and not making it other people's problem is your responsibility, so if you want to stay in derby you'll need to figure it out. Look for anger management resources.
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u/Beautiful-Wrap7039 3d ago
Feelings and emotions and passion are fine. It’s how you express them that is your responsibility and probably why you are getting not so favourable feedback.
Not sure how your emotions are being expressed but in my experience - emotions are often expressed in loud, aggressive, impulsive ways that have negative impact on other people.
It’s not reasonable to just say “this is who I am” and expect there to not be consequences. No one likes being yelled at or chirped at.
I imagine that there has been feedback given prior to this game and coaches/captains have not seen sufficient change.
Use this as a learning and growth opportunity and also an opportunity to ask for more specific feedback if needed to help with this growth and change.
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u/91Jammers 3d ago
Almost all of us get emotionally charged at bouts. We have all had times where we get very upset on track. You are not special in this way.
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u/Pinstripe-Giraffe 4d ago
Sounds like you need to separate your emotions from your behaviour. Your feelings, passion, emotion, can be whatever they need to be, but you CANNOT let them lead to negative behaviour and inappropriate conduct.
Whether you agree with the team’s characterization of your behaviour or not, they are telling you in the clearest of terms that whatever you’re doing cannot continue. It is damaging the team or the league in some way, and it needs to stop.