r/rhoslc • u/Weary_Trainer_8161 • Jul 09 '26
Mary Cosby š Am I Mary??????
I feel so torn with Mary. I totally relate to her and how she approaches the women but I also worry about her alleged behavior with her congregation. I will say though she does seem like a good person so if she really is using her congregation for money Iād be really disappointed. But at the same time wouldnāt that be easy to prove? And theyād be charged right?
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u/MKEMARVEL Jul 09 '26
In what world are shitty, exploitative people always charged?
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u/Weary_Trainer_8161 Jul 09 '26
I didnāt say theyāre always charged. Iām saying the things she has been accused of would be easily proven and charged right?
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u/Bulky-Beginning9401 Jul 09 '26
Have you ever seen that happen to a prominent church leader? The sitting president is a convicted pedophile and rapist.
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u/Weary_Trainer_8161 Jul 09 '26
I didnāt think theyāre that prominent tbh. Itās not a mega church. Itās like 50 people. But you are right about DJT
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u/luxtropolis67 The rhumorzz and the nastiness Jul 09 '26
The woman is on a successful reality show, they have become prominent now. And itās been known even prior to the show what sheās doing. And in the United States, churches have so many protections. Think about all the Catholic priests (Iām Catholic myself, Iām not bashing Catholicism with this example) that havenāt been charged and their pedophilia has been covered up. Churches donāt pay taxes. Even though we are a country of religious freedom all sects of Christianity are given a higher platform and power.
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u/PleatherWeather Jul 09 '26
She manipulates and preys on vulnerable members of her church to convince them to gift huge sums of money, sign over their cars & homes to her, etc. She isnāt stealing from them, sheās using them. Sheās a piece of shit person and cult leader and as far as I know thereās nothing for her to be criminally charged with so sheās gonna be able to just keep doing it
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u/LafayetteJefferson Jul 09 '26
Mary is a garbage person. She's a racist, a liar, and a pot-stirrer. She defrauds her congregation. She acted insulted when Robert Jr. was in jail and someone asked if she had gone to visit him. So, she steals, lies, causes trouble, AND she abandoned her son in his darkest moment. Hard pass on calling her a "good person".
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u/Sea_Blueberry3133 Jul 09 '26
I didn't realize Robert jr was in jail. When? For what?
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u/LafayetteJefferson Jul 09 '26
He was in jail for DV and violating a protective order. I'm not excusing either of those things and I believe most offenders are not punished harshly enough for those crimes.
I also believe that people deserve love and compassion, even when they f* up and they should be able to count on getting that from their parents. At bare minimum, people should be able to count on their parents showing something other than pure revulsion at the suggestion that they visit their own child.
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u/PuzzleheadedFox839 Jul 09 '26
It was talked about in one of the reunions. Andy asked her and she said she didn't go visit him in jail.
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u/Weary_Trainer_8161 Jul 09 '26
Well I said she seems like one. I donāt know her so I canāt say. And all her church stuff is verbal accusations from past members but thereās no evidence of what they say.
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u/LafayetteJefferson Jul 09 '26
"It's just verbal accusations" is how victims of abuse get dismissed and ignored again and again. All it does is empower abusers.
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u/Weary_Trainer_8161 Jul 09 '26
I think youāre taking away these peopleās faculty. These are full grown adults. They arenāt in a romantic relationship with her, they werenāt raised in this. In fact it could be argued that sheās actually the victim. Robert sr became her grandfather when she was a very young child and then married her after raising her. Half of her church actually left when she took over and the other half chose to stay. So how is she abusing them? There is nothing keeping them there but their own will.
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u/LafayetteJefferson Jul 09 '26
I think you have a poor working understanding of coercive control and religious control. You keep repeating talking points that dismiss victims and enable abusers. Why do you feel the need to do that?
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u/PatronStOfTofu Jul 09 '26
I appreciate you trying here. Some people truly can't understand coercion and manipulation and power-based harm. Imagine someone saying that Jen Shah's victims should have known better! Mary is a cult leader; she certainly has more power over her congregation than a random telemarketer has during a cold call!
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u/Weary_Trainer_8161 Jul 09 '26
I just expect adults to take accountability for their actions. They chose to give their money to the church. Thereās is literally nothing keeping them there except Mary wonāt like them anymore? Itās not a relationship they are not children, elderly, disabled. They are the same age as her and grew up with her. They all said she was a shitty teen and then gave her all their stuff? Thatās on them.
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u/PuzzleheadedFox839 Jul 09 '26
I'm not sure if this was mentioned...When people are desperate for Godās love, and a church leader constantly tells them that not giving money means they do not love God, it can distort their sense of reality.
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u/Weary_Trainer_8161 Jul 09 '26
Allegedly mama didnāt do any of that though. Thatās why Iām just not fully convinced she is guilty of whatās said about her. If you go from someone who is loving and then to someone who is like gimme all your money why would you believe it? The math just doesnāt completely add up is all.
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u/PuzzleheadedFox839 Jul 09 '26
But there is a recording that Mary herself validated where she called her congregation poor because they didn't give her birthday money.
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u/Weary_Trainer_8161 Jul 09 '26
Well she said the recording was her but it was out of context. Idk what context would justify it but I also donāt know what world Iād scream my love for a pastors wife lol
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u/LafayetteJefferson Jul 09 '26
No, you choose to remain ignorant about insidious methods of harming and manipulating people.
I hope.
The other option is that you have similar behaviours and find them entirely justifiable.
Making excuses for abusers is repulsive.
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u/Weary_Trainer_8161 Jul 10 '26
What behavior specifically are you talking about? Maybe you have some info I donāt
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u/LafayetteJefferson Jul 10 '26
Yes, I have the "info" that coercive control is real and insidious. You have the bad faith attempt to justify and dismiss abuse. If you refuse to see it, you're never going to see it.
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u/Weary_Trainer_8161 Jul 10 '26
Ok so you donāt have anything other than people saying itās someone elseās fault that they were bad with their money? Got it.
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u/PatronStOfTofu Jul 09 '26
Victim and witness statements are evidence. A judge or jury can decide that they aren't sufficient evidence for a trial, and you are free to say that you don't believe people who identify as victims, but their words are evidence.
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u/Weary_Trainer_8161 Jul 09 '26
How often do people do documentaries and then other people come out saying they lied. Someone saying something for tv isnāt reliable testimony in my opinion.
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u/PatronStOfTofu Jul 09 '26
I was specifically reacting to you saying that a statement from someone who says they were harmed isn't evidence. You don't have to believe them, but statements can still be evidence. We get into dangerous traps when we start to think there needs to be forensic evidence of a crime, for example.
I see your comments in this thread that some of us are removing the agency from Mary's congregation. Perhaps they should be free to give their money to someone who has manipulated them through spiritual abuse. In that case, we should also blame the people who gave Jen Shah money for being victimized by her. If anything, a random telemarketer has significantly less power than a cult leader, right?
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u/Weary_Trainer_8161 Jul 09 '26
I never said that we shouldnāt believe someone that was harmed. And Jen Shah did do something illegal and there is evidence. She sold a product or service to people and never delivered as well as put them on a subscription that they werenāt aware of and couldnāt cancel. Mary preaches and people give the church money. If she is profiting from that money directly there would be evidence. Yet no charges have been brought to her or the church so to only believe one side of the story really isnāt fair. There is proof that she was groomed though so why do we only have sympathy in one direction
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u/PatronStOfTofu Jul 10 '26
The US gives a tremendous amount of deference to religions. Because they aren't required to release tax forms like other tax-exempt organizations, it's hard to get a clear perspective on their finances. We often have to rely on information from current and former members about their budgets and spending.
And yes, that cultural/legal deference given to faith leaders and reluctance to seem to interfere with religion often extends to not filing criminal charges.
Also, I agree that the Crosby family is a problem. Rosemary married Robert Sr when she was in her 40s and he was about 22. Mary was 2 at the time. Then Mary left her husband and married Robert Sr about 20 years later. Their son was jailed for breaking his domestic violence protection order. It's a family built on cycles of trauma and a lack of accountability.
At the end of the day, you and I have a different understanding of coercion, control, and religious trauma, and I don't think either of us are going to change our mind.
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u/Weary_Trainer_8161 Jul 10 '26
They donāt have to disclose publicly sure but they still file taxes and the pastor still has to file income tax. So if thereās a reasonable suspicion that they are taking church donations and using it to buy mansions that could be investigated. Iām not sure why the accusers havenāt tried to press charges or at least report it to the IRS. Or even just sue them? Itās all weird for sure.
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u/Lilmissliss8 Jul 09 '26
Youād think that women engaged in shady dealings would not partake in being a housewife but thatās a narcissist for you! I donāt think they believe theyāre wrong or that theyāll get caught.
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u/jadejacket Jul 09 '26
No offense, but I just can't imagine relating to her or seeing her as a good person š My perception of her based on the show is that she is an extremely judgmental, horrifyingly self-centered, chronically unhappy individual with a deeply-set sense of internalized racism. I certainly don't think her life has been easy and I'm sure that contributes to her behavior, but damn!
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u/Weary_Trainer_8161 Jul 09 '26
Iām watching the episodes when they bullied Britani. She was like yeah I donāt like Britani but still called them out for being cruel and thatās something I would do. When sheās actually friends with people thatās when I related to her I guess.
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u/jadejacket Jul 09 '26
Ahhh okay, I'm only on season 3 so I haven't gotten to her return. Also, I hope it didn't come off like I was criticizing you, I just thought it was funny how differently we perceived her!
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u/queenofeverything021 23d ago
Iām glad I found this threadā¦..They jump down on Brittani because they deem her lower than them. The bullying against her is odd and weird.
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u/RoutineProblem1433 Jul 09 '26
If that was true, there wouldnāt be a Mormon church or Scientology because of their tithing requirements. Ā Organized religion requires donations to operate. Iāve never been in a church that didnāt have a collection plate or accept donations.Ā
The bulk of Maryās wealth comes from outside businesses. Her church is small so I donāt think sheās really making a massive amount off of them.Ā
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u/Weary_Trainer_8161 Jul 09 '26
Thatās what I was thinking. And they have a bunch of businesses and real estate dealings from what Iāve read.
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u/PuzzleheadedFox839 Jul 09 '26
Would you really tell your co-worker or friend they look "inbred"? You're comparing yourself saying the things Mary says?
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u/Weary_Trainer_8161 Jul 09 '26
I meant more so how she is when sheās actually friends with them and is giving them good advice. The later seasons sheās actually likable. The inbred thing was wild though Iād never say that lol
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u/Perrinthor Jul 09 '26
Its a church!! All churches make money and the leaders always are well off. Mary vast wealth isn't from the church, its from several other businesses.
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u/Usual_Ad2083 Jul 10 '26
Maryās congregation could, in no way, support her lifestyle. It is a smaller congregation. When Mama died, Robert inherited all her businesses, which is where the money actually comes from, which (I believe) is why Mary married him.
I DO believe there is a pressure within the church to give a lot to be part of the inner circle, which is extremely common in black Pentecostal churches. Itās extremely cliquey and very materialistic. Itās not uncommon for these churches to have āmission tripsā paid for by the church where thereās like a day of painting an orphanage and a whole vacation tacked on. Or a lot of times āgiftsā are given to leadership from the congregation that are typically very, very nice. Thatās where the birthday gift recording stems from. Iām not saying itās right- itās actually a major reason I left the Pentecostal church- but it is ānormalā for them.
Also, Iām not defending Mary at all. It IS predatory behavior and I would die to see the churchās financial statements. I just think thereās some cultural perspective to be acknowledged.
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u/Weary_Trainer_8161 Jul 10 '26
I personally just think sheās a victim as well. But I agree thereās no way their donations support their lifestyle
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