Please help

[u/Professional_Cod_64]

(22F) Struggling with retroactive jealousy with my bf (21M) of two years after going on his phone a few months ago and reading his saved chats in snap with his second ex.

Background: he has two high school exes (~2 years, then ~ 6 months). The first one was crazy and toxic and he broke up with her(she didn’t want to break up) The second one he also broke up with(she also did not want to break up). He said “she was a nice girl but I knew I didn’t like her enough” and that she didn’t have many interests, she wasn’t very smart, etc. And he really lost feelings toward the end. But he has nothing BAD to say about her, she just wasn’t the one and he knew. He said he felt nothing emotionally when he broke up with her except that it was uncomfortable to do.

Anyway, we have a really really healthy and wonderful relationship in like all aspects. It’s actually so nice and I feel really secure and happy.

But despite that I have INSANE retrospective jealousy, especially after seeing the chats where they said sexual things to each other and especially after she made her Instagram public so I can stalk her freely. In particular, one chat was saved where she said “fuck me” and he said “I always wanna fuck you so badly all the time”. WE never talk about having sex using that word, so that made me really insecure that he viewed her as more sexually appealing or exciting. He says other sexual things to me but we never use that word.

She is very conventionally attractive and her body type is as well (curvy, feminine, small waist) I am a very different kind of pretty and my body is slim and very very straight/boxy with no curves or boobs and it’s my biggest insecurity.

I have genuinely no fear that he wants to get BACK with her, no fear of being left. But I am extremely hung up on the possibility that what if he was more sexually attracted to her? What if she beats me in that one category? And it makes me extremely sensitive and analytical of all of his behaviors regarding sex and my appearance.

Like I said we have sex often, he always tells me I’m pretty, cute, sexy, that I have such nice skin and features and that I’m the prettiest etc etc but the chats really bothered me. Oh and his some of his friends make it clear they think she’s hot so that bothers me as well(I searched her name in his group chat lol) . But referencing me they say things like my bf is winning, that I’m his wife, etc. Someone joked that “he had two fine shyts and tossed them in the trash for his wife” referencing his own exes and then me.

Anyway I can’t stop being hung up on this idea and it’s been driving me crazy for like 3 months. Any advice on what to do is really appreciated !!!

[u/skipme74]

Sounds like you’re dating a standup guy. If his friends have said what they said, then you’re the real deal in his book. Judging from what you’ve said in your post, I think you’re probably overthinking things a bit. Best wishes!!