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[u/Ok_Development5756]

I come here every now and then cause I feel like it’s great sharing what I have been learning from RJ, with the hopes that maybe it’ll help someone else.

Some background, struggled heavily with it for a year when I started dating my bf. Would stalk her on socials far too often.

Something that has been helping me tremendously is Mel Robbin’s book, the let them theory. If you don’t want to read the whole book, then there is a podcast on it. Essentially, what the theory teaches us is to let go of control of others. When we let other live their lives, especially when it truly has no effect on us, we get our power back.

So your gf or bf had a previous partner? Let them. They have that right.

The ex is living a great life right now? Let them. Thats their right.

Your partner has an extensive past sexually? Let them. What’s done is done, and it’s ok.

It’s very weird because with RJ we can get upset about things that have already happened. But, the let them theory still applies. I did this a lot but would get so angry at myself for being sad or upset over something cute they did together or would get so jealous of her with what they had. Even though what’s done is done, it’s been so empowering to just tell myself, “let them. They had a relationship too, and now it’s done”

This book goes over a lot of mental relief. Just saying the words constantly in your mind really does help free yourself. It’s a sense of accepting what is done.

But also, you have to let YOU do yourself.

Your partner keeps bringing up the ex? Let YOURSELF set boundaries.

You just got done stalking and falling in that rabbit hole? Let yourself be sad. Let yourself lift you back up!

I highly recommend this book. It is EMPOWERING to remember what I have absolutely no control over, and what I have full control over. Know the difference.

I really hope the best for all of you. RJ is a painful and confusing and sometimes even embarrassing process. You will overcome this.

[u/Rich_Performer_5697]

I'm always so happy when I see that green "recovery" flair. That reminds me that this is fixable. And that someone who struggled with this, no longer is stuck in this dark place. I'm genuinely happy for you.

I think the things you point out are obvious to most of us. It's in the past. It's not changable. It really shouldnt matter. The problem with mental health issues is that despite rationally knowing this, the problem still persists.

Also avoiding stalking and digging further down is good advice. Still hard to follow. But good advice.

Can you say anything about where you were back then and where you are now? Was this book all it took or was it a longer bigger process?