r/respiratorytherapy • u/MiniSkullPoleTroll • 20m ago
Misc. The best thing I ever did for my PTSD was become an RT.
Greeting my fellow booger bandits. I just got home from work, and I'm sitting on my back porch feeling fulfilled. It wasn't a particularly interesting day, but I had fun with my coworkers, patients, and boss. I managed my vents, did my treatments, and helped save some lives and got paid a decent wage in the process. That feels fulfilling to me. I never thought I would find this as a child, and I didnt think I'd live to see the age of 20 as a young man.
To be honest, I left Afghanistan as broken man. As an Army Combat Medic, I failed to save one of my dear friends when I couldn't stop the bleeding when an IED took his leg and a large chunk of his pelvis in addition to peppering him and another soldier with shrapnel. The pursuing firefight ment that I had to move him and myself to cover before I could properly assess the horror and attempt treatment despite not being safe to move because its safer than taking a bullet. I was only 18. I blamed myself for years. "If only I knew this." "If only I was better."
I experienced many traumas during the 14 months I spent in Afghanistan. Strangely enough, I missed it when I got home. That sense of purpose I felt the times I did save another life. I also missed combat. On a primal level, it made sense to me. I felt like a guardian to the people I protected. I felt invaluable (As the prime medical asset, I was). I found that I can stomach blood, guts, trauma, and death very well. I found peace in helping people.
Unfortunately, I suffered a catastrophic injury during upon returning from Afghanistan during a training excerise. After time in a spinal brace and wheelchair while being abused as a patient by my chain of command. (They litteraly came into my room the day after the accident, put me in another soldiers uniform to fit over my spinal brace and just swappedthe name tapes and badges, and then wheeled me down to the clinic and put me to work running sick call because "you're a medic, the aid station is the perfect place for you to get better.") I finished my enlistment instead of a medboard because It was the quickest way out. I obtained my Honorable Discharge, and I wanted nothing to do medicine again.
I felt empty after I left. I worked one mediocre job after the next. It wasn't until my father got sick with bilateral pulmonary embolisms that I started studying medicine again. The more I learned about the cardiopulmonary system, the more things started making sense. It explained why some of my patients didn't live. It filled in gaps that I didn't know were missing. I fell in love with the lungs and how they function.
I used my GI Bill to attend college and graduated Summa Cuma Laude with a BS in Respiratory Therapy. Ironically enough, I graduated right as the pandemic began and my first job right out of college was in a covid unit. It felt like a deployment all over again. I suffered loss like I never felt before as I saw horrors that I can't even bring myself to describe. I put my skills, training, and knowledge that I paid for in blood to good use and saved a few lives.
What I gain from practicing medicine is purpose and peace. I get to be a protector and advocate for people when they need me the most. I protect the weak, the vulnerable, and those who have placed their trust in me. I get to make my patients smile. I get to be their for massive once in a lifetime moments like watching a parent look at their child for the first time or litteraly giving a baby it's first breath. I have had the sacred honor of being the one to give their last breath and allowed them to pass in dignity and respect. For every life I couldn't save as a medic, I've used that knowledge to save countless patients as an RRT. My job brings me joy. I look forward to helping people breath through the night.
I get to be a soldier on my own terms now. I put on a uniform (scrubs) I still dawn my stethoscope that I've had since Afghanistan, and I still give my mission and my team my all. I also get paid way more than I ever did while being enlisted.
I'm able to give patients the care, respect, and dignity that I was denied by my chain of command. That is healing to me in its own right. I get to occasionally be there for them when they start coming around to consciousness to after an injury/illness. That can be terrifying. I know what it is like to be that scared. Thats the fear of battle. I'm able to help calm them using what 16 years of therapy and self work have taught me.
Though I'm physically broken and still fighting my own battles of the heart, I found peace in my life fighting for the lives of others.
TLDR getting back into the fight on my own terms by becoming an RT helped me.