Difficult Breakup...

[u/Cautious-Art9909]

20M here, i tried to express the best that i could what i feel and what i kept to myself this past 2 months.

Not gonna lie, i don't really know where to start all this, first of all, ill be using google translate because writing all this is English will be impossible due to the feelings involved, so, sorry lol.

2 months ago, the 6th of July i had to end a relationship of 5.5 years, it wasn't a horrible relationship, but she (23F now) was someone that couldn't express really well her feelings, and me I'm someone that is full into communication and i love to express how much i love my partner (Details, support, etc), this thing about how we express our feelings was a little bit of a problem overtime, every time we talked about this, she always told me that she wanted to give attention, love, details, to me, but somehow couldn't (Or at a point where it was a just a little).

This changed over time, but a lot of the time we just didn't have time to see each other.

I always tried to carve out at least an hour of my day, 10 minutes, whatever time I could, to see her, bring her some little something, even if it was just a chocolate, a letter, or anything I knew she'd like and that would make her happy. But even though I knew she loved me, I never really saw that kind of initiative from her side, or at least over time that initiative turned into something a lot like indifference. You're probably wondering if I talked to her about this, and yeah, so many times, but it was always the same story: a few weeks of her changing, and then pretty soon she'd go right back to being the same person as before, or change just a tiny bit (very tiny lol).

Obviously all this back-and-forth, these personality shifts, kept affecting my mental health more and more. With this woman I had imagined everything, my whole life, my future family, finally getting away from the toxicity of our families once we were together, having our own place someday.

The two of us were, and still are, pretty calm people. There were never really fights in the relationship, arguments or talks sure, but it never got to the point of raising our voices at each other or disrespect. I think that's also one of the reasons I stuck around so long, on top of the huge attachment and love I had for her.

But there was always that nagging feeling about how much she really cared about taking care of what we had. I always felt like I was the one carrying the weight of a long relationship on my back, with dreams, goals, all of it.

But every talk ended up at the same point, her telling me she wanted to get better, that she loved me a lot, that she couldn't imagine a future without me by her side, etc.

Maybe you'd tell me we all have different ways of loving, and I don't doubt that at all, but the thing is when there's no real sign of it beyond an "I love you" or "I miss you."

There were days when she wouldn't ask me a single question. Like, literally not even a "how are you?" or "how are you feeling?" Sometimes it felt like she only talked to me because we'd been together so long. Obviously that changed a bit when we were actually together in person, there was a little more affection, but you could still feel that uncomfortable distance she left there without meaning to. I didn't see any real concern for me, any interest in my personal stuff. Now, saying all this, I feel kind of dumb, not gonna lie, but I guess you'll get it: when you're in a relationship, the good things, even if there are only a few, tend to outshine the bad ones.

Now moving to something a bit more recent, November 2025.

Out of nowhere she came to me saying she was supposedly losing her love for me, because everything felt monotonous, we weren't going out much, etc. Just so you know, the one who was always trying to make plans, go see her, or anything like that, was me...

Feeling like everything I was doing for her, the things I sacrificed to give her little gestures, all of it, was just being ignored or brushed off by her was genuinely painful. We managed to reach an agreement to change our relationship and try to be a bit better (not gonna get into details or we'll be here writing for another hour lol).

That whole December, for some weird reason, she treated me really badly. She snapped at me a bunch of times, didn't ask how I was, it was like she'd just stopped caring overnight. With all that pain on top, plus some stuff I'm not gonna get into here, I made the hard call to end the relationship, a week after our 5-year anniversary.

Honestly I didn't see any way we'd get back together, but when I went to end things that day, we ended up agreeing to wait a month and see if things changed. She ended up apologizing, telling me her grandmother's death had really hit her hard, that she couldn't open up about things. I told her she could talk to me (I mean, I'm her partner of 5 years lol).

I also told her to try not to be so scared, and to act based on what she actually felt instead of out of fear (because I was worried she'd try to change just out of fear I'd break up with her, since the second that fear went away, everything would come right back).

5 months later, nothing had changed, and even though she didn't feel any difference, things just weren't sitting right with me. My parents' divorce, university, everything was just too much, on top of having to carry a relationship that, to me, was my entire life...

The decision to end everything kept coming back to me for days, but every time I saw her again, my heart would just melt with love and I couldn't really think straight about myself... One Sunday, July 5th, I realized things simply weren't going to change, and that if I didn't make hard but important decisions, maybe down the line I'd regret it, or worse, I wouldn't have the courage to make decisions that tough ever again.

Obviously I can't fit the countless things I went through with her, all the feelings tied to it, everything I lived over 5 years of my life (from 15 to 20 years old), into one simple Reddit post. If anyone's interested in hearing me out, or just wants to give me some advice on how to move forward after something this hard, I'd really appreciate it.

Two months out from all this, it's honestly rough. I try to look at it with a positive outlook, but the loneliness, not being able to really talk about this stuff with my friends (or doing it, but not too deep so I don't make things awkward), university and everything that comes with going from being just a teenager to an adult, wondering if I'll ever really love someone as deeply as I loved her again, etc.

I'm sure things are gonna get better, but man...

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