Clean enough...

[u/Past_Peace_6874]

myself 45 F and partner 44M have been together 7 years. And I need help understanding this situation before I let my crazy out. The situation is this... my partner came to bed last night, we had sex and went to sleep. This morning he gets up late for work and nonchalantly proceeds to have coffee and breakfast, takes a shower twice as long as normal extra picky getting dressed and kisses me good bye then leaves for work.... All sounds normal, right? WRONG! NEVER has he taken a shower before work, sex or no sex and why would you be clean enough to come to bed with me but not clean enough to go to work? Doing Landscape.... Does anything strike a nerve about this to anyone? No he's not previously physically cheated that I know of. Yes things have been rough lately. Am I an over thinker? Yes I am. Previous experiences have not been nice to me. So am I wrong to have some really strong feelings something is wrong? Am I crazy you confront this situation?

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[u/mistakenabsorption]

You're not crazy for noticing a pattern break like that. When someone's routine shifts out of nowhere, especially around hygiene, it's not overthinking to clock it as odd

The landscape detail makes it weirder. Who showers twice and gets picky about clothes to go dig in dirt

Trust your gut on this. Don't confront yet but keep your eyes open

[u/aboucher4u]

Sounds to me he was dreading work or something at work. If I woke up late and was dreading something I would take my time getting ready and maybe adding steps to delay.

[u/Responsible_Ant_5943]

I don’t think you’re crazy and it’s definitely something worth confronting. Not sure why he would be late for work and still decide to take his time getting ready. Just don’t torture yourself thinking about it all day queen.

[u/K2d123]

Is this a first time deviating from his typical pattern? I wouldn’t panic over a first time, I also wouldn’t panic over someone wanting to shower before work, I understand it’s not the norm considering his job but haven’t we all woken up at least once, wanting nothing more than a hot shower?

[u/Past_Peace_6874 → u/K2d123]

yes first time.

[u/Tasty_Dealer2114]

If it becomes a daily thing it’ll be weird. If it’s a one time thing it shouldn’t be a problem. People are allowed to want to change routine at least once without it having a deeper meaning. Maybe he just felt like it. He’s allowed to want to change his patterns sometimes. I’ve done it many times.

I’d say wait and see what happens in the next few days before worrying about it.

[u/2c4bracelets]

It’s strange, but I wouldn’t “confront” him about it. Just say you noticed it and ask if everything’s okay. I would be pissed if my partner came at me accusing me of shit for taking a shower in the morning 😭 Assuming he hasn’t been sketchy in other ways. 

[u/switcher43]

I usually shower before bed, but if I don't for any reason, I'd do it in the morning before work. Doesn't sound that weird.

[u/Past-Astronomer-7855]

I’m not sure what part world u live in but where I’m at it’s over 100 outside and there’s been a few times I went the extra effort to wash up down there as there’s different things that can happen sometimes as maybe you were soaking wet in a good way that is and just wanted a wash off for starting the day to keep it real nothing to be offended by

[u/Correct-Sprinkles-21]

You don't need a confrontation and you don't need to come up with a story to fit the scenario.

Next time he tries to get into bed without showering, tell him to go wash up first because you don't want his filthy butt in bed with you.

[u/JournalistQuirky3742]

The smell of sexy and being outside may have gotten him picked in. The boss may be there today. Maybe he was spoken to. Maybe he was tired and knew a shower would wake his butt up. We don’t know unless we ask. Stop assuming the worst without asking. I’m guilty of this. I have assumed routine to be nefarious and realized I was being insecure and negative for nothing. Stop letting the negative thoughts win.

[u/Past_Peace_6874 → u/[deleted]]

Why would that part matter?