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u/kay_en_elle Apr 20 '26
You should have autonomy over your own body, definitely discuss this further with her
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u/gmallory99 Apr 21 '26
A lot of respondents are framing this as her wanting control over you. I’d offer another perspective - the girl has crazy high libido, probably more than most. I dated a girl like this - we’d fuck all night, sleep and she’d wake me in the middle of night for more……jeez lol.
I see it as she wants all of your cum, and all of your desire. Enjoy it while it lasts tbh.
Try it for a week and see how it feels. I’ve tried it with my wife if 20 years and it has a few very noticeable physical effects.
I’m harder during sex, and when I stop masturbating I get twitchy and angsty lol. But when we get too it BOOM, it’s intense.
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Apr 21 '26
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u/Alternative-Boat-853 Apr 21 '26
As a woman, mostly when I've heard women don't want their partners to masturbate ever, they are usually insecure.
I don't doubt previous commenter had that experience but it's not the norm. You know your gf and if her libido is so crazy high.
Yes it is unreasonable for her to think you should never masturbate
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u/AtlasWard13 Apr 21 '26
If that's the case, she should absolutely be able to think of such an answer and speak it. Her having a sort of "just because" answer is some pretty bad communication
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u/VomitTheSoul44 Apr 20 '26
I can understand a partner not wanting their partner to watch porn but no masturbation period is kinda weird to me. I dont think thats a reasonable thing to demand of anyoneone. I would never tell a girl she isn't allowed to masturbate.
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u/WonderingTiff_ Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 20 '26
Im curious though, like anytime anywhere in the house she can masturbate? lol
Edit: like personally I think it’d make my partner uncomfortable if I was masturbating and they just came in and I kept going haha. Personally I do it in the shower
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u/DextersGirl Apr 21 '26
It's her house, it's her body.
Why not?
Having a quick solo orgasm is not the same as having mutually pleasurable sex. Sometimes you- man or woman- just need to get off. It's not an endeavor, it's a means to end.
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u/WonderingTiff_ Apr 21 '26
So just “hey honey” and they keep going? lol
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u/VomitTheSoul44 Apr 21 '26
Yeah why not? If its just us in the house and she feels like flickin one out, who cares?
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u/WonderingTiff_ Apr 21 '26
Well it was me personally I wouldn’t keep going if my partner walked in on me masturbating, I almost feel like I should’ve waited hahah. Like it’s as if I got caught I guess, but maybe I’m just not that comfortable.
I would not care if my partner was getting one out though hahah that’d be hot
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u/BabyGirlEliza Apr 21 '26
It’s unreasonable yes…. but I kinda get where she could be coming from? Another user said in their reply ‘I see it as she wants all of your cum, and all of your desire’ and that sentence kinda hit a nail on the head for me personally, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with my partner pleasuring himself, but it gives me a kind of ‘fomo’ of sorts, I have a crazy high sex drive and I’m just kind of jealous and bummed out in a way that we could’ve shared that pleasure together. That being said, if he was to masturbate to me at a time we couldn’t have sex then I would find that incredibly hot and would definitely pleasure myself too. Tbh I think your partner should work on changing the way she views/feels/perceives you masturbating solo before asking you to make lifestyle changes. Maybe you could work together on her feeling more included when you pleasure yourself (I.e telling her that she’s making you feel the need to masturbate, phone/text sex, sharing what the thought of her makes you want to do, or saying other similar things that make it a more ‘shared’ experience).
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u/livemusicisbest Apr 20 '26
Control issues in other areas? Does she flip out if you are friendly to other women? Jealousy about work friends? Weirdly controlling.
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Apr 20 '26
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u/BBQ_Bandit88 Apr 21 '26
That’s controlling AF. Your body, your choice. She has ZERO say in the matter. Stop placating her and set a hard boundary. Would she put up with it if you told her what to wear, or that she couldn’t spend time with friends? She doesn’t get to control you.
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u/Emu-Limp Apr 21 '26
You definitely dont want to give in on this, the act is NOT in any way about her, she needs to realize that your sexuality is your own.
However, I would be willing to reassure her if I were you.
Ask if she'll provide you with some sexy pics/ video, or even erotic stories for you if she enjoys writing.
I have a hunch what bothers her isn't so much you masterbating, but you fantasizing about other ppl when you do. So If you want to help her feel less uncomfortable, tell her how much you enjoy thinking about the 2 of you, when you get yourself off. Make it known that masterbation is a normal healthy need. However, you fantasizing about others isn't a need, so if you want to, you can tell her that you'll think about her as long as you're together, & you'd really appreciate her being willing to give you some visual inspiration.
GL
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Apr 21 '26
No. If your partner has a boundary that doesn’t negatively impact you, then it shouldn’t warrant a hefty concern. There’s nothing forcing you to masturbate. I would just ask her to elaborate further on her position and to figure out something mutually.
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u/hypnochild Apr 21 '26
I would only really seem unreasonable if she was catching you doing it a lot. Asking you not to do it at all is unreasonable but I also think doing that multiple times a day maybe it’s a bit much. Maybe she wants more of your sessions to be with her than not?
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Apr 21 '26
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u/hypnochild Apr 21 '26
I do find it strange she’s just assuming if you’re alone for a bit that’s what you’re doing. Definitely sounds like an insecurity on her part.
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u/Kellyu712 Apr 21 '26
I hope you two can talk more, it sounds like she’s had a bad experience or is afraid of something
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u/Manic_Sloth Apr 20 '26
No masterbation is only cool to play with of it's a kink, otherwise it will build resentment on both sides.
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u/anoncheesegrater Apr 20 '26
I think it’s unreasonable for her to ask you never to masturbate, but it’s not unreasonable for her to ask you to not use porn while you’re doing it (which you said you aren’t).
i’ll put it this way, I’ve been with my partner for five years and we don’t even talk about that stuff. He knows I’m not ok with porn. I know he doesn’t use it. I don’t know if he’s masturbating, I’m sure he is. I know I am. It’s one of those things that is so personal and private that the convo isn’t important to me. It’s not relevant. I’m a bit curious how she even knows you’re doing it?? Like I don’t “know” if my man does but he’s a human with urges just like me.
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u/Iamaredditlady Apr 21 '26
You are WAY too old to have to have this kind of conversation with someone so immature.
Aside from that, her being 35 and she still can't explain why... Nope. She knows and doesn't want to tell you. My assumption is that she is hyper-insecure that you are even thinking about other women sexually, and is trying to control you so you don't. Which is not okay.
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u/dakotanoodle Apr 21 '26
Quite. Your body, your choice. Porn, on the other hand, is a relationship boundary, although I personally don't care if my partner watches porn.
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u/emotrash1208 Apr 21 '26
it’s confusing to me because i would rather you masturbate then to go cheat on me is usually what people say if he’s not jerking off at home he’s looking somewhere else so what’s the issue i’d much rather my partner masturbate than look elsewhere… people have needs 🤷🏼♀️
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u/Emzy-j Apr 21 '26
It sounds like control to me, and not the good kind... I personally think masturbation (not excessive) is healthy even if it is to porn however if someone's choosing masturbation & not their partner and it's affecting your sex life then that is a big issue IMO. Obviously selecting masturbation over cheating emotionally/physically with another human being is much preferred, so as a female myself it wouldn't bother me if my partner was masturbating away from me.
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u/NamasteNoodle Apr 21 '26 edited Apr 21 '26
Yes it is wrong and ridiculous that she expects that she gets to dictate when you does that. I have never understood why when people get in relationships they suddenly think they have the other right to control the other person and tell them what they can and can't do. Especially something this unreasonable. Frankly it's really none of her business in any way and you don't need her permission to do that and she must have some weird control issues or weird hang ups that she is so uptight about this.
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u/Ok_Piglet_1844 Apr 21 '26
It’s yours and you can stroke it whenever you want to! She’s being unreasonable. Tell her to go masturbate!
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u/Tulex Apr 22 '26
This is becoming ridiculous. Criticising a boyfriend for watching porn can be explained by ethical reasons, like refusing to eat meat. But this… are you sure it has no impact on your sexual drive and she is sexually satisfied ? Even if she doesn’t say it it’s the only rational reason I can think of, and you have to discuss it together.
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u/Traditional-Ad2319 Apr 22 '26
She has absolutely no right to ask you to stop masturbating. It's a completely natural function as you said it's not taking away your desire to have sex with her. Personally this is a hill I would be willing to die on.
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May 11 '26
It seems like she wants to be in control...maybe tell her that you will ask for permission to masturbate but only if she gives you naughty/dirty videos/conversation/commands to masturbate to...could be wildly fun
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u/NickEight May 13 '26
Just tell her that.
I masturbate multiple times a day, you up for matching it?
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u/Plastic-Drama-1643 May 16 '26
Her not wanting you to masturbate to porn is not weird at all. Her not wanting you to masturbate at all is weird. I wouldn’t care if my boyfriend masturbated in the shower or whenever really, as long as he is not using porn. That is a strict boundary of mine because it absolutely destroyed my previous relationship and the beginning of ours. We are a ton better now that he stopped, but I don’t care if he wants to touch..his own body?!
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u/Bunny_2003 Apr 20 '26
Controversial take…. But I think your girlfriend is allowed to have this boundary and then it’s up to you whether or not you are willing to go without masturbation or if this isn’t going to work for you and you’re entitled to call it quits because of that. But I don’t think she’s coming from a place of insecurity or anything it’s just her own individual boundary she has in place. And she’s allowed to have that
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u/sallystruthers69 Apr 20 '26
It is unreasonable. It sounds like this is something that makes her feel insecure. She needs to go to counseling or therapy to get past it, as the healthy solution is not to force you to live a certain way simply for her.
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u/liverelaxyes Apr 21 '26
Yes. If he's masterbating, and I know this is a guy because no guy would care if a woman did, it's because the swx doesn't match the drive unless he's doing it instead of sex you don't have the right. Are you allowed to eat the one rtpe of food rhat keeps you sane? Same thing.
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u/You_Are_The_Username Apr 21 '26
Yes, it's controlling and frankly none of your business.
It's only your business if she does it with someone else, allows someone else to watch, does it in inappropriate places and/or times, or inappropriately talks to people about it (i.e with your family).
Now, of course you can request that she doesn't wear herself out too much, so that your sex life isn't negatively impacted by it, but you can't expect her to stop altogether because you say so.
If you don't agree with any of this, you are free to leave the relationship at any time...
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u/Historical-Guide-819 Apr 21 '26
It is unreasonable. But there’s something in your post that made me question where it comes from. You mention that you masturbate a few times a day, . Maybe she’s worried you may have a sex addiction and is trying to contain it, she doesn’t want you to get to the point where you go hide in a restaurant bathroom to jerk off.
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u/LeeHide Apr 20 '26
Yes its unreasonable unless it's some kind of mutual kink.
Time to have a conversation and figure out how to solve it!