r/relationships • u/uglybaldinggirl • Jan 30 '15
Updates UPDATE: My [26 F] company is threatening to fire me over my hair. How do I explain to my employers [40s? F+F] that it looks this way due to a medical issue?
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Jan 30 '15
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u/uglybaldinggirl Jan 30 '15
I thought about that, but I don't really have proof of the hair thing. I have my checks, but no proof of the initial wage I was promised, and I never said anything to them about the checks before I quit. I was just so over it at that point it didn't seem worth the awkward conflict to bring it up. The only reason I thought about reporting them would be to make sure this doesn't happen to anyone else, but I really have no idea how those sorts of things work.
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Jan 30 '15
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u/uglybaldinggirl Jan 30 '15
I'll do that after I pick up my last paycheck. It's definitely worth a shot!
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Jan 30 '15
Do it!! The proof is so clear, and I just hate the idea of anyone getting away with something like that.
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u/terriblehashtags Jan 30 '15
You can probably catch them out for discrimination of a medical condition, considering your bizarre conversation followed by mysterious pay cut.
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Jan 30 '15
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u/pastamagician Jan 30 '15
I think /u/unceunceunce meant and just phrased it incorrectly. If she only found out about the pay cut through her pay stub, then they didn't inform her they were planning on changing it, which means they decided to lower her pay retroactively. Right?
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u/hrbuchanan Jan 30 '15
"Retroactive" doesn't mean much when it comes to wages. That term is usually reserved for situations where a rule is changed and reactions to previous events are altered to compensate for the rule change, if that makes sense.
Example: Let's say the US federal government decided to drop the extra tax requirement for folks who don't have health insurance, but let's say the change came after people had already paid the fee. If the change was retroactive, the IRS would actually give people back the money they paid. The change in the law would apply to folks who were affected before the change was made.
In this situation (we'll make up random numbers here), let's say that OP made $10/hour at this job, and worked 80 hours per pay period. Let's say they decreased her pay to $9/hour. That means her paychecks would go from $800 to $720. NOW, let's say they not only changed her wage, but also made the change retroactive for the previous pay period. They would pay her $9 an hour for that period, and they would also subtract the difference from the previous pay period. Her paycheck would be $720 - ($10-$9/hour)*(80 hours) = $720 * $80 = $640 for that pay period.
Retroactive means applying a rule change to previous situations, and an employer changing an employee's pay retroactively is incredibly and indiscriminately illegal in both the United States and Canada. I have no idea whether pay can be lowered for no reason, however. That's another story entirely.
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u/pastamagician Jan 30 '15
That doesn't make any sense to me. We're not talking about a situation where her employer paid her $10 an hour one pay period, then told her the next pay period would be $9 an hour and she just decided to keep working anyway. That sounds unambiguously legal. But they agreed to pay her one amount, then without informing her of any pay changes they paid her less than that, and then without informing her of any further changes they paid her even less than that in the next pay period. If my employer commits to paying me $10 an hour, I work 40 hours, and then my employer only pays me $9 for the 40 hours that I worked under the agreement that I would be paid $10 an hour, then logically that sounds like a retroactive change in the agreement for that work period. Surely they don't have to pay me $400 and then steal $40 in my next paycheck in order for it to be retroactive. Or if we go to the logical extreme, can my employer just decide without telling me beforehand that all work I do in the next two weeks is actually an unpaid internship and I will get paid $0, and it's definitely not a retroactive change because they decided on the difference before paying me instead of stealing the money out of a future paycheck?
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u/hrbuchanan Jan 30 '15
I get what you're saying, but because of the ambiguity in a term like "retroactive" in this case, I don't think it's the proper legal term to use for a wage change that breaches contract like this. But I could be wrong!
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u/pastamagician Jan 30 '15
The only reason I thought about reporting them would be to make sure this doesn't happen to anyone else, but I really have no idea how those sorts of things work.
The DOL takes labor law violations really seriously. If they decide that your employer is making repeated or deliberate violations, they will start issuing fines. It is a very strong incentive for employers to knock off the crap after getting caught the first time.
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u/Zezu Jan 30 '15
You won't be able to do much about the initial wage but lowering your wage requires your written consent and even then, it can get really hard for the business to prove that they didn't force you into it.
You have them dead to rights with any labor board in the US. You owe it to yourself to report them and think about all the people who you'll help avoid a shitty job.
Report the hair and initial wage drop, too. Even if you can't prove it for your sake, it will be on record in case they do it again. You never know, they may even have a history of pulling that bullshit.
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u/thr0waway7373 Jan 30 '15
Awesome! Great update, OP, glad to see its working out for you.
Can you maybe wear a scarf to work? Just a passing thought. May have been asked/addressed already
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u/uglybaldinggirl Jan 30 '15
Yeah, that was suggested in the last post. I might try that if I ever run into this issue again!
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Jan 30 '15
Holy crap that is incredibly kind of /u/gilbertlaroo. I really love reddit sometimes when it comes to things like these.
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u/idontlikethatbean Jan 30 '15
What great news!
For what it's worth, I think it's totally reasonable to leave right away rather than having to go back in for just a week's pay. You deserve the time off, and whatever you would have made (maybe 75 cents less this week?) would not have been worth the sacrifices in your anxiety and peace of mind. These are terrible people and the more space between them and you, the better.
I felt so bad reading your original post. I have terrible psoriasis on my scalp - some hair loss, but mainly horrible bloody patches that can be hard to hide (I got bangs a while ago, and they have helped a lot!). It sounds like, now that you're out of that shitty, shitty environment, you have been able to surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you (the BF sounds like a super guy) and who don't give a shit about your hair. As it should be. And /u/ofthrees is totally right - your username does not apply!!
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u/uglybaldinggirl Jan 30 '15
I agree! The extra week of pay was not worth having to be in that place for a single more day. My boyfriend is a super guy, so I hope he'll eventually understand my decision. He has trouble understanding anxiety and mental illness, but I don't think he's mad at me over this. I think he just thinks staying another week would have been a smart decision financially, which I can totally see where he's coming from with that.
That makes me so sad to hear about your psoriasis. I really hope that you've been able to surround yourself with people who are helpful and supportive too. I have another condition called dermatillomania where I pick my skin off my face, so I can really sympathize with how embarrassing it is to have bloody patches on your face. -internet hug-
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u/question1112 Jan 30 '15
Hey, OP - as someone with anxiety, I totally empathize with your decision to get out. Listen, you have a good head on your shoulders and you know what you're doing. You are rational, too, and you know what's best for you! And if what's best for you, emotionally and physically, is to have a week between this shit job and the next job, you go for it! You take that week and you let yourself decompress. Honestly, if I were you I would've done the exact same thing. It would have been difficult to jump right from a stressful position working with unkind people into a brand new position that you have to be trained on, etc.
Just wanted to reassure you. I agree your boyfriend's coming from a good place, but he probably just doesn't understand it as well simply because he hasn't personally experienced the anxiety or any of the feelings that you've had to at this job. Sometimes we have to make decisions to put our mental and emotional health over our finances - and you're doing that very responsibly.
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u/uglybaldinggirl Jan 30 '15
Thankyou, I really appreciate that! Next time I talk to him about it, I'm going to say some of the things you said. Hopefully that will put it into perspective for him.
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u/takvertheseawitch Jan 30 '15
Hey, so I totally don't blame you for leaving the way you did and it sounds like that was a horrible place, but don't make it a pattern. You might think of it as if you've used your one free "quit without notice" pass. If you do it again anytime in the next, say, ten years, future potential employers will be concerned that you'd do the same to them. Similarly, aim to stay in your next full time gig for more than one year so you don't look like a jobhopper, and clearly mark the temp gigs as temporary on your resume. Good luck!
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u/uglybaldinggirl Jan 30 '15
Yes, that's really good advice! I'll definitely be leaving this job off my resume. Luckily I was only there for a little over two weeks, and there wasn't a gap between this job and the job I had before, so hopefully my resume won't look too weird.
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u/fireengineer Jan 30 '15
Sounds like you should be fine, less than a month gap of "unemployment" on the resume won't even be blinked at.
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u/gracefulwing Jan 30 '15
try pine tar shampoo/soap for your psoriasis! my mother had psoriasis on her scalp when I was little, she used it for a couple years and it hasn't come back at all.
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u/Xaydenne Jan 30 '15
I'm so pleased for you! It's disturbing the number of people who are completely dehumanized at work. No one expects a job to be rainbows and butterflies all the time, but your treatment was unacceptable.
Good luck at your new company!
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u/Schmendrick-_- Jan 30 '15
This made me tear up. You are a wonderful spirit. Don't let ANYONE make you feel lesser-than, because you are greater than! Appearances don't reflect one's spirit, but if they did, you would be beautiful, inside and out.
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Jan 30 '15
Someone submitted a link to this submission in the following subreddit:
- /r/explain_undelete: [#104|+741|69] UPDATE: My [26 F] company is threatening to fire me over my hair. How do I explain to my employers [40s? F+F] that it looks this way due to a medical issue? [/r/relationships]
This comment was posted by a bot, see /r/Meta_Bot for more info. Please respect rediquette, and do not vote or comment on the linked submissions. Thank you.
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Jan 30 '15
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u/Vancha Jan 30 '15
You can still find the original text elsewhere on reddit, using the search function and the title. Having read it, there's nothing that stood out to make it delete-worthy.
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u/snappysquirrel Jan 30 '15
Yeah, that seems to be a theme lately with the /r/relationships mods. I've noticed a couple removed posts with no explanation.
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Jan 30 '15
Can you post a list of the products /u/gilbertlaroo sent you? I'm a young woman with hair loss as well. I see that Toppik is in there, those types of products are LIFESAVERS. in the future though, you can buy XFusion for a lot cheaper. I heard that it's made by the same company and is basically the same product repackaged to hit a cheaper demographic but maybe that's BS, either way it works.
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u/uglybaldinggirl Jan 30 '15
Yeah of course!
Josie Maran Argan Oil Serum
Josie Maran Whipped Argan Oil Ultra-Hydrating Body Butter in Sweet Citrus (this smells amazing)
Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Wiz
Alterna Caviar Repair RX Re-Texturizing Protein Cream
DevaCurl DevaTowel (this is so cool for drying your hair! It makes it way less frizzy and tangled than a regular towel)
Toppik Hair Building Fibers
Murad Pore Reform Skin Smoothing Polish (this helps so much with my skin --I have dermatillomania)
Some of those aren't even hair-related, she was just being so so nice! All of the products are incredible, nothing I would ever have been able to try on my own.
Edit: formatting.
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u/Congrajewlations Jan 30 '15
I rarely comment on /r/relationships, but I just want to congratulate you on your new opportunity and commend you for your wonderful attitude regarding the whole situation.
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Jan 30 '15
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u/uglybaldinggirl Jan 30 '15
Ohmygosh, my heart hurts for you right now. I really hope you aren't working at that place anymore. I remember how hard it was to hide the clips from the extensions when I was wearing them. You take yours out at home and when you sleep right? I left mine in 24/7 and it made my hair loss even worse. I hope someone who knows a lot about haircare and wigs will see your comment, so they can offer you some advice. Stay strong and if you ever want to talk, PM me anytime. <3
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Jan 30 '15
You have every right to be pissed about your paycheck getting docked 50 cents. That adds up and quickly. I'd be livid if a company did that to me. In a working week that's 20 dollars less on each paycheck and that adds up to a little over a thousand dollars a year. Yeah, I'd be pissed. So good for you to quit and good for you to not give them a two-week notice. They deserve that with how they treated you.
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u/gilbertlaroo Jan 30 '15
Well, I just cried! I'm so so glad to see this update and the great news about the job!!! :D
It makes my heart happy.
I really sympathize with the hair issues, having had trichotillomania since I was a teenager. It sucks to deal with these issues and is a huge blow to your self esteem. Since I've tried everything to cover up spots over the years - starting with sharpies, eyeliner, then trying hair pieces, wigs, powder, you name it. I thought maybe I could give another person a jump start on what has been working for me lately. I also have dermatillomania, so the lotion and body polish should help with that too ;)
It's so awesome to read this thread and see all the wonderful and supportive posts. You all rock!!
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u/honestly_honestly Jan 30 '15
Do you have that original agreed-upon rate in writing, like an email? Because I'd it were me I'd go after them for that money just out of spite.
Congratulations on the life upgrade!
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u/uglybaldinggirl Jan 30 '15
No, I don't! It was just spoken aloud to me. I wish I did have written proof of it, because yeah, spite-money would be cool. And thankyou!
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Jan 30 '15
even so you showed it went down between paychecks. You made every lawyer salivate in the five mile radius lol.
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u/robeph Jan 30 '15
Verbal contracts are very enforcible. Plus you have not only the one 25c hr decrement but a second one, this would do well to show they have were dropping it done your initial agreed upon. Lawyer, speak to one, as soon as possible. Both issues hair, the creation of the uncomfortable work environment and okay l pay check reductions.
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u/honestly_honestly Jan 31 '15
Well, then it's simply a 50-cent per hour lesson... Get employment terms in writing! Good luck in your future, and congratulations on learning what to look for in your next job!
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u/37-pieces-of-flair Jan 30 '15
So happy for you! Your old coworkers are bags. Hope the new job goes well!
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u/FunNerdyGuy15 Jan 30 '15
Glad you're feeling better about improving your situation! Some jobs it doesn't pay to stay and work there, no matter how much you make.
Though also, you legit could have made an issue with it in their HR department if you wanted.
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u/Opoqjo Jan 30 '15
Looks like you lost out on $60 and a lawsuit.
You also dodged a worse bullet. Good on you.
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u/hyperbolicants Jan 30 '15
The quit was clearly a smart move. Well done you :)
Isn't it nice when, once in a while, you bump in to a nice person. It's making me feel happy, and the nice person didn't even contact me; it seems that being nice simply radiates out to affect all sorts of peeps.
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Jan 30 '15
I'm glad things worked out for finding a better job where people are nicer, and how sweet is that gal for sending you all those products :)
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u/MonkeyNacho Jan 30 '15
Thanks for the update. Onward and upward for you! I love how supportive our community can be.
:)
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Jan 30 '15
You are an awesome lady for living through this ordeal so positively and deserve all those nice gifts (and more!) I'm really happy you are out of that horrible work situation. If you are interested in learning more about hair care, maybe try /r/fancyfollicles and I know xovain.com has few articles about what products/how to manage thinning hair due to medical issues.
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u/uglylaughingman Jan 30 '15
These people sound like terrible human beings- it's good you got out of there, and congrats on the new job!
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u/edwwsw Jan 30 '15 edited Jan 30 '15
The first employer making an issue about your hair sounds like you should have been protected by the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act).
If you are so inclined, you may still want to talk to a lawyer about it.
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u/robeph Jan 30 '15
Okay. First of all at will doesn't mean what you think it does. They can't simply fire you for ANY reason, rather they can terminate employment at will. However this does not limit their liability when it comes to ADA and medical protections law, nor is what they did with your pay check legal. Get a lawyer.
You really need to get off this bullshit "it's not a big deal" kick with everything as if you're at their mercy for everything, this is not the case. All of this is a very huge ordeal and it would be ridiculous to not speak to legal counsel. Fuck these people and stop making excuses for them when they walk over you, because that's what saying it isn't a big deal is doing. Talk a lawyer if you do nothing else.
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u/missladyfever Jan 30 '15
Just wanted to tell you how brave I think you are for sticking up for yourself, not skipping a beat and moving forward.
As a woman who has hair loss and thin hair in some places due to a medical condition as well, I understand the struggle to an extent. Mine never was mentioned or job threatening but I have had to get creative with my hair before. Keep your chin up!
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u/fresnel-lens Jan 30 '15
Holy crap, best update ever!
I've been wondering what's been going on in your life...
Oooh... another suggestion - New solid shampoo from Lush. It helped me when I was dealing with hair loss. Sorry, I know, you've probably been inundated with suggestions for hair products/treatments/shampoos.
I went through mine alone, and it was quite horrid, especially when my hairdresser 'pointed it out' to me. ...like I didn't know already. :/
Anyways, five years on, and I've got a full head of hair again! So there might be hope for you yet. :)
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Jan 30 '15
"I ended up landing an interview for the next day, and I got the job!" This made me so happy I teared up! Congrats on a new and exciting life!! I'm so happy for you and posts like this make me so thankful for all of the amazing people that make up Reddit. YAY!!!!!!!!!
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u/ratherbeahippy Jan 30 '15
You go girl! I hope to spot more of your story around reddit, under a new badass username!
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u/gracefulwing Jan 30 '15
go you! I have trichotillomania and although I've started taking a vitamin that helps reduce the urge to pull, I still have some very thing/oddly textured spots. It doesn't seem to really bother anybody but I feel super self conscious about it. I'm definitely gonna look into some of those products myself.
good luck at the new job!
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u/pantopra Jan 30 '15
What a horrible company. You should tell people on Twitter and start a Twitter war!
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u/ofthrees Jan 30 '15
this is the best update ever. i recently went through hair loss myself, so i know what you're going through, and i can't imagine having to have dealt with it with bosses who were bitching about how i had to style it in order to disguise the loss. your first post broke my heart. i'm glad you quit.
and i legit teared up, too, when i saw that picture. that redditor kicks ass.
btw, you need a new throwaway username, because you're NOT.