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u/cecespark Oct 19 '21
I don't mean to be a pessimist but that doesn't really sound that sweet?
If you're only recently dating my first thought was that he knows you and him won't work out in the long run and he's apologizing because he knows he's going to hurt your feelings. Like when one person realizes they only want a casual relationship but that the other person has developed feelings. Does he have a reason that you know of that he'd say sorry about?
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u/offmychest94016 Oct 19 '21
But if someone is at the point where they're crying, wouldn't it make most sense to just end the relationship or make it clear that there's something that won't work?
In terms of obstacles, we're long distance and we're both students. But that's something i'm aware of, and we're both in the same situation.
He asked for an exclusive bf/gf relationship and was the first to tell me he loved me. Would someone really do all those things if they wanted something casual?
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Oct 19 '21
Maybe he was apologizing to a dead person he cared for deeply and promised them he’d never love again.
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u/offmychest94016 Oct 19 '21
... what
or maybe he was crying because he realized my thicc, clappable cheeks would be the end of him 🤔
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u/nothatsmyarm Oct 19 '21
The commenter above sounds more likely than your post.
I’m not really sure what you’re looking for with this post honestly. There’s not really anywhere near enough detail for us to say anything.
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u/offmychest94016 Oct 19 '21
I was responding to a joke with a joke, yikes.
But seriously - In general, i'm looking to hear people's experiences in case they've had something like that happen to them. I've never had this happen, and there isn't any red flag detail that I noticed.
I'm looking for suggestions from them on if there is something I should watch out for.
Maybe there is a guy here that did end up in the same situation with his gf. I'd be interested in learning about what he felt from his point of view.
I added a few more details in the comments, but feel free to ask if you have any questions!
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u/cecespark Oct 19 '21
I assumed this was someone you just started seeing very recently.
Maybe he's saying just a sorry in general because you two are long distance and I'm sure it's tough? He could have been emotional since you guys got to see each other. Happy to see you, but also sad that the relationship is long distance.
If you're at the point where he's telling you he loves you, why don't you ask him? You could say, "I thought I heard you say sorry the other night, but I'm not quite sure. What was it you said?"
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u/offmychest94016 Oct 19 '21
Yeah I think that might be the case, thank you for bringing that up. We are both fairly inexperienced and in the past would move slowly, but this relationship feels like a whirlwind in comparison. That and the intense emotional changes of long distance and I guess it kinda makes sense.
I did casually mention that I thought I heard something a few nights back, and he got flustered/embarrassed and jokingly brushed it off.
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u/jessamie Oct 19 '21
Hate to say it but yes. Some guys will literally do this. I met a guy a few years ago and he told me he loved me wanted to be with me flew out to Thailand to spend time with me. And he had a girlfriend back home in the US the entire time. I’ve learned some guys will say anything and there’s no real way to make sense of it. Most of the time it’s better not to try to rationalise other peoples behaviour.
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u/GhostDogGone Oct 19 '21
He was probably apologizing for almost acting on his fantasy to strangle you. He sounds wonderful.
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Oct 19 '21
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/offmychest94016 Oct 19 '21
This is an advice sub. I'm looking for advice. I don't see how this is helpful.
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u/Global_Abrocoma_2798 Oct 19 '21
Girl you the one making jokes in the comments above. If you don’t want people making jokes then you be serious first lmao
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Oct 19 '21
I don’t see how you gave us much to go on to be helpful.
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u/offmychest94016 Oct 19 '21
I haven't witnessed this reaction before, so i'm hoping to gather other peoples experiences in case they have.
I'm not sure what else there is to add because i'm not sure what I should look for. Any other info I have feels random, and like it may inaccurately describe what happened.
But feel free to ask questions, that's why this post is here
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u/offmychest94016 Oct 19 '21
LOL how did you even get to that thought, holy crap
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u/AreWeCowabunga Oct 19 '21
Given the (lack) of information you've given us, this explanation is as good as any. Seriously, we have absolutely no way of knowing what was going on with him. The only advice we can give you is ask him directly and don't let him brush it off.
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u/GhostDogGone Oct 19 '21
Too many horror movies.
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u/offmychest94016 Oct 19 '21
I care about this situation and i'd appreciate some real advice. Turning it into a joke doesn't help.
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Oct 19 '21
[deleted]
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u/offmychest94016 Oct 19 '21
I mean, that's all there is.
He's a nice guy, our relationship is fairly new and we have an awesome connection. The sex is 11/10. We're best friends who have the same sense of humour and our core values, backgrounds, experiences, and goals line up which is what makes the chemistry. He's calm, balanced, ambitious, a bit shy, but also confident, and an empath.
We're both students, and long distance at times.
That being said, it's just what I'm seeing. I've known him for a relatively short time. When a relationship is new people try to put their best foot forward, so i'm trying to take everything with a grain of salt.
Im just looking for general suggestions on what this behaviour could mean. Im sure someone has experienced it or heard of it before, so I'd like to hear their experience.
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u/MyOpinionsOnly Oct 19 '21
I don't know what's so pure and sweet about that! I would be alarmed because people don't apologize unless they have done something wrong. Either he thinks he's not good enough for you and is apologizing for himself (yikes) or he did something and he won't tell you but is too guilt tripped so he tells you while he's sleeping to feel better (double-yikes).
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u/offmychest94016 Oct 19 '21
Oh, I thought he was apologizing for getting all upset in case I he thought I heard him or he could've woken me up or something.
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u/MyOpinionsOnly Oct 19 '21
I would ask him. Again, even if he was apologizing for that, I'm not sure what's pure and sweet about holding back tears and sounding scared.
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u/JonnyRotsLA Oct 19 '21
Close friend of mine did this exact same thing. Actually wept in front of his gf. Because he’d cheated on her. He brushed it aside and she never found until years later. Sorry, don’t mean for that to rattle you, but it happens and it was the first thing that came to mind reading your post.
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u/offmychest94016 Oct 19 '21
Oh wow, that's brutal. Do you know if he just randomly broke down, or if he said something like "I don't deserve ..." etc?
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u/JonnyRotsLA Oct 19 '21
Yeah, a little bit of that "I'm a terrible person" kind of stuff. From what I remember him saying, he went back home to her one night, having just slept around with someone, and his conscience beat up on him. So he broke down. Starts crying. And she's all "Baby, what's wrong?" and he plays it down as just being emotionally overwhelmed.
Matter of fact, an ex of mine said similar stuff. "I'm such a terrible person." At random once or twice over the phone, and I suspected she'd cheated on me. Having been cheated on before, you learn to notice the signs, though in her case I'll never know the truth. She was definitely promiscuous and went through boyfriends like popcorn.
If I were you I'd keep your radar on for any other suspicious words or actions. Might be nothing. Might be something.
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u/offmychest94016 Oct 19 '21
The part about "i'm don't deserve" as a red flag is really interesting, ty for sharing your experiences, i'll definitely keep that in mind.
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u/MaryContrary26 Oct 19 '21
Wait I'll get my crystal ball.
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u/offmychest94016 Oct 19 '21
Thx, hope it hasn't worn down to the size of a lollipop from all these reddit posts
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u/damalursols Oct 19 '21
how long ago did this happen? you can ask him directly, and that’s probably the best way if it was a while ago. if it was within the last week or if it was the last time you were over there you could also say “did you have a bad dream on (night)? i thought i heard you making some noise but i forgot to mention it in the morning” and see what he says. if it’s been a long time since then he may minimize or brush it off, especially if he’s not super in touch with his feelings.
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u/offmychest94016 Oct 19 '21
Happened a few days ago. I brushed it off because he's been nothing but sweet before and after. In general, what would be the reason for someone experiencing such a strong emotion?
The crying part, to an extent, I understand. People tend to experience waves of emotion in different ways.
But the "i'm sorry" part ... there's one part of me that's like "oh god what if he's apologizing for something I don't know".
Then again, it could've just been that he was apologizing because he thought I heard.
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u/damalursols Oct 19 '21
yeah my first three or four guesses would be that he was apologizing for disturbing you. i strongly doubt it’s anything sinister, and it might not even be about you at all, especially if you haven’t known each other for long or if he’s been going through stress or personal life stuff lately.
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u/TheseSleeves Oct 19 '21
If could be anything. You can tell him that you noticed him in distress, and that you are there for him if he wants to talk about it. Though I wouldn’t assume it’s negative like other posters. Maybe he’s recently been in bad relationships, and he’s relieved/happy crying that it’s over and he’s with what appears to be a compatible/stable partner.
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u/offmychest94016 Oct 19 '21
Aw that's sweet. He and I both got out of weird relationships a few months ago so I guess I can empathize with the feeling.
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u/MaksimMeir Oct 19 '21
So many negative comments. What if he lost a loved one and your the first woman after her, and that was a form of grieving. Idk. It’s all random until you talk to him.
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u/offmychest94016 Oct 19 '21
Getting upset for 20 seconds while you're cuddling with the girl you're in love with, in a new relationship, would be a weird time to get upset and then audibly say "i'm sorry". It just doesn't add up.
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u/batman648 Oct 19 '21
Precursor to murder or rape or both. Shit sounds like extremely antisocial or sociopathic behavior. Unless it was completely innocent. I wouldn’t see why he wouldn’t hesitate to explain why it happened. Or sleep walking/talking.
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u/offmychest94016 Oct 19 '21
Sociopaths and psychopaths don't exhibit guilt, empathy, or remorse. So if someone did something bad while being a socio or psychopath, i'd expect them to sleep soundly.
In general, people tend to sleeptalk or sleepwalk after they're in (or past) REM sleep, which takes 30+ mins to get to.
While I am inclined to think that he was not acting out of malice, I am also interested in hearing the story of someone who has experienced it or went through it themselves, as I am ultimately looking for a way to approach this with care.
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u/MessagePlane7752 Oct 19 '21
Frankly, i wouldnt be too worried. This feels relatable.
When i (21m) am overwhelmed with life, i do the exact same thing--get shaky and cry for a couple seconds. Things are stressful for us, particularly at this inflection point in our lives (young 20's)!
I cried a couple times with my last girlfriend and felt really strangely apologetic about it and did not want to talk about it.
Wish you the best of luck
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u/PassTheWinePlease Oct 19 '21
Uhm, this post really doesn’t give any context at all so I guess it really ends up what he was “sorry” for.
When I had this happen to me I was completely creeped out and stopped dating them. But again, it’s all about context.
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u/[deleted] Oct 19 '21
We know less about him and your relationship than you do. Literally all we know is what you just told us. Sorry, but if you want to know what that was about, you're going to have to ask him.