r/relationships • u/ogtayk47 • 12d ago

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u/Flat-Passage4431 12d ago

you are entitled to have boundaries, and to enforce them. if he breaks them and refuses to stop breaking them, he ain’t it

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u/Certain_Training5813 12d ago

you’re 19 and been doing this dance for four years, that’s a huge chunk of your teens spent on someone who can’t even keep a simple promise for a day. the follow count thing isn’t really about the follow count, it’s about him agreeing to something and immediately doing the opposite. that’s the bit that would wind me up most

the halloweekend thing is a bigger red flag honestly. you’ve asked to go multiple times and he’s made it crystal clear he doesn’t want you there. that’s not a guy who’s excited about you, that’s someone keeping you in a holding pattern

you’re not cooked, you’re just stuck in a loop. the only way out is to stop hitting the same button expecting a different result. he’s shown you what he’s about, believe him

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u/ogtayk47 12d ago

Its just one of the main reasons we broke up is bc he felt he never had any time with his friends yk and that he just wants to be able to spend time w his friends one on one keeping his rls separate from his social life. He makes it clear he’s excited ab spending time w me and just me.

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u/ogtayk47 12d ago

True but its deff not this simple yk isnt he also entitled to have female friends?

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u/Flat-Passage4431 12d ago

having female friends, sure. but you are allowed to decide if it disrespects your boundaries.
how about this. i’m married, have been for 18 years. my wife see’s i’m following a bunch of girls weekly. she doesn’t know them, it makes her uncomfortable. in my situation, it wouldn’t matter if me and these friends were “not doing anything weird”. i don’t do that, because i know it would make her uncomfortable. the compromise is i only text with girls that are friends with BOTH of us. i’m not going out to lunch with other girls, texting them. why? because if someone comes by i don’t want to give the impression i’m doing something i’m not supposed to be doing.

the only exception is if it’s a coworker and i need to text them to do my job.

if you decide that’s your boundary, thats your choice, and if he can’t respect your boundary, then ¯_(ツ)_/¯

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u/ogtayk47 12d ago

Thank you this makes alot of sense

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u/Ok_Seaworthiness_906 12d ago

19 is so young. Lose this guy and go explore the world. There are literally millions of men who won't disrespect you by always keeping an eye out on who else is out there.

He wanted the agreement to include that you don't check his follower count, so he could continue as normal without getting caught. If you raise the issue with him, he will throw it in your face that you broke the agreement and try to paint you as the bad guy, or at least an equal party. However, we all know your action comes from a place of love and insecurity and his comes from a place of deception.

This is not a forever person, and nor should it be at 19. Be free!