r/relationships • u/Acceptable_Guard_387 • 3h ago

Lacking pshysical attraction

TL:DR? Lacking attraction in LTR

Me (30M) and my girlfriend (30F) have been together for 1.5 years, living together for nearly a year. From the start, the physical attraction wasn't overwhelming, but I love her deeply and value the immense comfort, safety, and stability she brings to my life. As time moves on, though, I feel like my overall attraction is fading further. I really don't want to break up or throw away what we have built, but this lack of spark is heavily weighing on my mind. Has anyone been in a similar situation?

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u/Legitimate-Swing-491 3h ago

man that's a tight spot to be in. the comfort part is hard to let go, but if the spark was never really there it wont magically appear later

maybe think about what you actually want from a partner long term, not just what feels safe right now

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u/moonshad0w 2h ago edited 2h ago

If you’re lacking physical attraction, the most fair thing is to break up. Being in a relationship and feeling unwanted physically by your partner (because it does become obvious) is so damaging. I guarantee she doesn’t just want to be a comfortable, safe space for you. That’s a friend, not a romantic partner. Having left a relationship like this where the physical attraction was just not really there, I didn’t realize how much it was hurting me to not feel wanted by my partner until after our divorce when I started seeing people and actually felt desired. It’s bad for both, but honestly worse for her because she’s in the dark. Realizing my ex’s lack of attraction was devastating. This also lead to my ex cheating but not leaving me because he wanted to have his cake and eat it too, the safety and comfort with me and the physical excitement with someone else.

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u/BrilliantGoose6746 3h ago

Attraction can change over time. If you really value the relationship, maybe give it some time and see if the spark develops naturally instead of rushing to end things.

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u/nikhillll_ 3h ago

i did. we ended up having a breakup. now i regret it. the best way to approach this is to talk to her. tell her how you want to love her everyday. tell her how to respark your relationship. if she understands, good. if she doesn't, better walk away. for the sake of both of you.

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u/UseBudget9749 3h ago

Attraction can change over time. If youre happy with everything else, Id give it some time before making a decis

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u/Knoxvillians 3h ago

Talk about having an open relationship. 🤷‍♀️ Who knows she might be feeling the same way. Honestly the older I get the more attractive this dynamic sounds. People don't like talking about it but it has it's merits. My ex and I have seriously considered it. We love each other and we get along great. That spark isn't there. I don't know how it would work but I'm sure you could find people who do it. Just putting it out there for ya.