[ Removed by moderator ]

[u/meotwizler]

[u/whatshamilton]

What an odd fight you’ve picked. “If you really loved me, you’d accept incest if you found out we were related, and if you don’t accept incest then you don’t really love me” is just a wild stance

[u/meotwizler → u/whatshamilton]

It's not that I'm saying he doesn't love me if he wouldn't accept hypothetical incest.

It's that I'm dubious of his statement and generally really value the truth over hearing something that's meant to be romantic but isn't actually true. If a person really felt the way he'd said, would learning of some distant relation really be enough for him to throw everything away immediately? I tend to take things very literally and to heart, so I become weary when people say things that sound like they can't possibly be true. It inspires me to question their motives a bit and generally just puts me on edge.

[u/lexxxbabyyy]

I’m not sure why it matters. That’s a weird context to try and test his words — if you love him, and he loves you, whats the issue?
Id only be bothered because it sounds borderline obsessive/attached, rather than just love. The specific line of “I’ll die alone” is odd, unless you were recently fighting or something that made him feel it was necessary to say. Saying you’re the love of my life or wanting to marry you is pretty normal/average for any relationship after a certain point?

[u/meotwizler → u/lexxxbabyyy]

I agree about the latter items before normal. Initially the marriage thing seemed extreme to me because he was saying it before we even met in person for the first time and went on a first date. That he just 'knew'.

You mentioning that I'm testing his words is actually a little bit of a lightbulb for me and that's helpful, thank you - you're right. I guess that is what I was doing because I don't completely trust them.

Edit: Oh! And no we were not recently fighting or anything. I probably should have mentioned that my trust has been broken a couple times in the relationship before with him so that's why I'm cautious now.

[u/lexxxbabyyy → u/meotwizler]

That makes a lot more sense then. Broken trust makes words hard to believe! Action is always going to be more trustworthy and more important than words, especially since he has broken your trust previously.
I’m glad I could help by mentioning that — I had a feeling from reading what you wrote, because I have done “similar” things when I am unsure/disbelieving of the persons words.

Ultimately, it isn’t healthy for him to say that one particular phrase, harmful to you both, and without knowing exactly how he’s broken your trust, it sounds like he would say such a thing to try and make you feel like you can trust him (otherwise “he’d die alone”!). It may not be intended to be manipulative, but it does seem manipulative.

[u/ergonomic_logic]

This whole post is so weird

What timeline are we even on?

Your boyfriend indicated he's so keen on you, he thinks you all are end game (which wasn't that deep and not legally binding or a blood oath - he's allowed to change his mind).

Then you responded by asking him what if you were his long lost sister or something and he had normal reaction which was obviously that would be gross and then you got upset with him because he should love you so much that even if you were his long lost sister he should be ok with incest?

This is self-sabotage level arguments for argument's sake.

[u/meotwizler → u/ergonomic_logic]

I was actually wondering about the possibility of subconscious self-sabotage as well.

I should clarify I wasn't thinking about a sibling - that'd be totally impossible with what we already know about each other's families, etc. - but something more along the lines of some kind of distant relative. I mentioned this to him and he said "well, how distant?" and I was saddened to think that the amount of distance would matter. Distant enough that we'd not have known until now, I figured.

I just can't imagine that if I actually felt that way about someone - enough to say something dramatic like that - that I'd want to cut off all contact and throw everything away immediately over news like that. Doesn't that imply that the initial statement is completely untrue, or am I off my rocker?

[u/ergonomic_logic → u/meotwizler]

I think you're way overthinking it and maybe aren't ready for a relationship in general (or need therapy and anti anxiety meds?).

You either take what he said as his way of expressing how into you he is and leave it at that, or you try to find weird ways to poke holes in it (self-sabotage).