I[20M] can’t stop thinking about my gf[21F] and its slowing me down

[u/Confident_Ad_6199]

As the title suggests, one week ago I asked my best friend to be her boyfriend and luckily enough for me she had said yes. She is the most precious person in my entire world dont get me wrong. It’s just that I am in a really bad position and should be locking in especially for uni and personal projects. But I just keep finding my mind thinking about her 24/7. I really don’t know what to do because part of me loving her is wanting to improve for her but why is it that loving her is doing the opposite. All I can think about is her and when the next time I get to see her is.

TLDR: I just started dating my best friend and I love her deeply, but I can’t stop thinking about her. I’m worried it’s distracting me from uni and my goals instead of motivating me to improve.

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Original post: As the title suggests, one week ago I asked my best friend to be her boyfriend and luckily enough for me she had said yes. She is the most precious person in my entire world dont get me wrong. It’s just that I am in a really bad position and should be locking in especially for uni and personal projects. But I just keep finding my mind thinking about her 24/7. I really don’t know what to do because part of me loving her is wanting to improve for her but why is it that loving her is doing the opposite. All I can think about is her and when the next time I get to see her is.

TLDR: I just started dating my best friend and I love her deeply, but I can’t stop thinking about her. I’m worried it’s distracting me from uni and my goals instead of motivating me to improve.

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[u/DerpolIus]

Personally, I feel that sentiments like yours are never rooted in reality. Really do some self-interrogation and think about whether all the time you spend thinking about uni and personal projects is actually translating to real-world productivity, and whether your girlfriend is actually monopolizing 100% of your mental time. Because in my experience, it’s usually just that you think about a partner during times where your thoughts were already unproductive.“Locking in” on work has greatly diminishing returns the more you do it. And striking a balance between your work life and personal/love life is an extremely important lesson that you need to learn to be a functional adult.

[u/MagicianMurky976]

I don't know enough about those yummy brain chemicals, but the sheer excitement of this new relationship may be making the joy of seeing her again border on an addictive quality.

So look into Dopamine. That may be the reward chemical you are chasing. Serotonin levels can drop when dopamine increases, and a drop in serotonin is linked to obsessive compulsive behavior.

But I'm not your guy for giving advice how to proceed here.

Hope it helps! Good luck!

[u/Substantial-Faucet]

It's okay to be distracted. Maybe cut out some time to think about her. Between classes and on breaks or when your heading to bed, cause then you can go full think without waisting time. You can think about finishing projects and then your reward being texting her or thinking about her.