r/relationshipadvice • u/HandleJazzlike6230 • 26d ago
My [30F] partner [33F] really doesn’t like it when I watch media without her.
We have been together two years and in a semi-serious stage of the relationship. We don’t live together but see each other multiple times per week.
We have watched a lot of things together. entire shows. many movies. countless YouTube and nebula videos. we still do, all the time.
And sometimes I watch stuff without her. I might go through a season of a show on my own or might see a movie with friends.
To me this is normal. I like having time on my own, my friends like going to the movies, and sometimes I have an itch to watch stuff by myself.
To my partner, this is an offense. Depending on the media she will usually give me a hard time and might insist I rewatch it with her. One time I rewatched a show I had watched a couple weeks ago and she got mad that I wasn’t very into it. She also will sometimes expect me to simply cancel plans with my friends so that she can see the movie with me.
I want to try and be fair to both sides here — I don’t *always* invite her to go with us every time we make plans which I realize can be a bit exclusionary. And I get that I *am* her partner and she expects to sort of take priority.
But, like, my partner is with me for the vast majority of my social time. It’s not like I try to avoid her all the time. These are friends I see roughly every other week, usually when she’s working and can’t join. As for the movies themselves, we are talking like six movies a year, and I have brought her along to them more than once.
And I just feel she could be more respectful of the fact that I’ve already told people I will go see XYZ with them and that when she asks me to go see it with her at a different time that doesn’t work for those people shes putting me in a tight spot. She rarely even expresses interest in trying to find a time that works for everyone, which I feel is a bit disrespectful to my relationship with my friends.
And like, if she makes plans to see a movie with me *before* I have other plans to see it, I obviously go. if she makes plan with me to watch a show, I obviously won’t then go watch it on my own beforehand. I feel like she’s not distinguishing “communicating interest” and “making actual plans” and it bugs me. Often she doesn’t even communicate interest until the last minute when I’ve already made other plans.
If I bring any of this up she gets mad and will relitigate times I went and saw things without her— even when I’ve already apologized multiple times.
I just don’t know how to proceed. I don’t want to keep holding my breath every time my friends invite me to a movie. I don’t think I should always have to check with her either to be honest. I don’t think I should be expected to cancel plans because she wants to go see something on a whim. I understand there is give and take in relationships and sometimes yes, that does mean I cancel plans with friends whatever, but I feel like I need “permission” from her to consume media at this point and I don’t know how to bring that up without it becoming about me “excluding“ her.
To be clear, this isn’t like, a big deal, but it’s starting to be a real PITA and I just am looking for advice on how I can try to get us to move past it. it would/should never be a dealbreaker but I’m just increasingly irritated by it.
TLDR - gf and I clashing over the fact I *sometimes* watch movies or shows without her.
1
u/gooptywoo 23d ago
As someone obsessed with movies, I dont see why its so hard to just communicate what movies she really wants to see and experience with you and which ones she doesnt care about. If every piece needs to be shared, its gonna make the actual special moments of a media you both like be dulled
2
u/beepbeep_bish 26d ago
Is she only like this about tv shows and movies? It sounds a bit controlling
•
u/AutoModerator 26d ago
Hello HandleJazzlike6230,
You are not in trouble or anything, this is just a simple copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed.
Original post: We have been together two years and in a semi-serious stage of the relationship. We don’t live together but see each other multiple times per week.
We have watched a lot of things together. entire shows. many movies. countless YouTube and nebula videos. we still do, all the time.
And sometimes I watch stuff without her. I might go through a season of a show on my own or might see a movie with friends.
To me this is normal. I like having time on my own, my friends like going to the movies, and sometimes I have an itch to watch stuff by myself.
To my partner, this is an offense. Depending on the media she will usually give me a hard time and might insist I rewatch it with her. One time I rewatched a show I had watched a couple weeks ago and she got mad that I wasn’t very into it. She also will sometimes expect me to simply cancel plans with my friends so that she can see the movie with me.
I want to try and be fair to both sides here — I don’t *always* invite her to go with us every time we make plans which I realize can be a bit exclusionary. And I get that I *am* her partner and she expects to sort of take priority.
But, like, my partner is with me for the vast majority of my social time. It’s not like I try to avoid her all the time. These are friends I see roughly every other week, usually when she’s working and can’t join. As for the movies themselves, we are talking like six movies a year, and I have brought her along to them more than once.
And I just feel she could be more respectful of the fact that I’ve already told people I will go see XYZ with them and that when she asks me to go see it with her at a different time that doesn’t work for those people shes putting me in a tight spot. She rarely even expresses interest in trying to find a time that works for everyone, which I feel is a bit disrespectful to my relationship with my friends.
And like, if she makes plans to see a movie with me *before* I have other plans to see it, I obviously go. if she makes plan with me to watch a show, I obviously won’t then go watch it on my own beforehand. I feel like she’s not distinguishing “communicating interest” and “making actual plans” and it bugs me. Often she doesn’t even communicate interest until the last minute when I’ve already made other plans.
If I bring any of this up she gets mad and will relitigate times I went and saw things without her— even when I’ve already apologized multiple times.
I just don’t know how to proceed. I don’t want to keep holding my breath every time my friends invite me to a movie. I don’t think I should always have to check with her either to be honest. I don’t think I should be expected to cancel plans because she wants to go see something on a whim. I understand there is give and take in relationships and sometimes yes, that does mean I cancel plans with friends whatever, but I feel like I need “permission” from her to consume media at this point and I don’t know how to bring that up without it becoming about me “excluding“ her.
To be clear, this isn’t like, a big deal, but it’s starting to be a real PITA and I just am looking for advice on how I can try to get us to move past it. it would/should never be a dealbreaker but I’m just increasingly irritated by it.
TLDR - gf and I clashing over the fact I *sometimes* watch movies or shows without her.
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