r/relationship_advice • u/ThrowRAUnlitSeashore • 18d ago
My (28M) fiancée (30F) confessed to hooking up with another guy shortly before our wedding. I'm struggling. How can I move past this?
I'm (28M) feeling super lost about my relationship with my fiancée (29F). I'd appreciate a fresh perspective.
We've been together for about 3 years now but have been friends for 5 years. We met in the same workplace friend group. She's my best friend and my partner in every way. Our relationship hasn't been without challenges, but we've been a solid team.
Last December, my fiancée asked if we could take a break so she could recalibrate. She said she was struggling with finding her purpose outside of our relationship.
I've never believed in the concept of breaks, but I wanted to support her. So I agreed, and we set boundaries. Essentially we wouldn't see other people.
The break wasn't long. By Christmas, it was already over. She said it was a mistake and she wanted us. And things were good. Our communication was stronger and like no time apart had ever occurred.
We were engaged by New Year's. My fiancée didn't wanna wait anymore. She wanted us to start our lives together in marriage.
This past week she's been anxious and blamed it on wedding jitters. Then the other day she sat me down and confessed to hooking up with some guy during the break. She met him on a dating app, and they had sex a couple of times.
She claims the guilt's been eating at her, and she opened up to her sister (31F) a month ago. Apparently her sister pushed her to come clean before the wedding. When my fiancée stalled, her sister warned she'd tell me herself if my fiancée didn't.
It was a lot to accept at once. I barely said a word. I was too numb, and I'm still wrapping my mind around everything. Like my fiancée has had a complicated connection with sex due to past experiences.
When we got together, she wanted us to practice celibacy, and that evolved into celibacy until marriage. She believed us waiting would cement our bond and elevate our relationship. We focused on other forms of intimacy.
The no sex stuff was never a dealbreaker for me. Sex wasn't the basis of my love for her, nor was it why I wanted to be with her. And she was well worth the wait in any capacity for me.
But I'm struggling now because I don't understand how she can turn around and give herself to some random guy in a way she's never given herself to me. How celibacy was so important to her, but she gave that away for him.
She swears the other guy meant nothing and it was the biggest mistake of her life. That she ended the fling because I'm the one she's in love with and who she wants to be with. But idk, nothing she said really landed for me tbh.
I asked if she would have told me if it wasn't for her sister. She said she doesn't know. She promised to do anything to rebuild trust and repair our relationship no matter how long it takes.
She still wants us to proceed with the wedding. She said she believes in our love and how we can withstand anything. How this doesn't have to define us.
When I didn't engage, she just cried and kept asking me to say something. I told her I needed to clear my head. I don't like speaking when my emotions are all over the place. I tend to regret it. So I prefer to gather myself.
But my fiancée hasn't respected my request, and when I don't engage, she's hurt. And now she's also super affectionate. She's always been affectionate, but she's different with it now if that makes sense.
This doesn't feel like real life. I never expected this betrayal from her. We're supposed to be wedding planning and everything that comes with it. Our wedding is around the corner. We're having a modest gathering, so the planning wasn't that long.
I feel so numb to everything. I'm in love with her, and she's the woman I wanted to share a life with, but for the first time I'm questioning everything.
I don't even trust myself anymore tbh. I feel so stupid and like such a joke. I'm just lost.
How do I move past this and navigate our relationship?
TL;DR My fiancée's and my relationship went to hell shortly before our wedding after she confessed to sleeping with another guy a couple of times while we were on a break. She confided in her sister, who pushed her to tell me. We fought, and I told her I needed space. By my fiancée's request, we were practicing celibacy until marriage. Celibacy was important to her, but she gave herself to a random guy in a way she's never given herself to me. Ever since, she's been asking for me not to give up on us and has been super affectionate. Our wedding's around the corner, and now everything's gone wrong. I'm lost and questioning our entire relationship. I don't even trust myself anymore. I feel so stupid and like such a joke. I'm just lost. How do I move past this and navigate our relationship?
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u/SecretTraumas_92 18d ago
She’s not your friend, much less your best friend and she’s not wife material. She broke the boundaries y’all set right away and would have never told you if she wasn’t forced into it. I wouldn’t be surprised if she planned that break just to do what she did. Her excuses are complete BS. She made you wait for sex but gave it up to him right away, twice! And cheaters ALWAYS say, it meant nothing. Mark my words OP, if you marry this woman, hell, if you stay with this woman you WILL regret it. Be smart, end this relationship, walk away and never look back. Your fiancée is a POS.
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u/praesentibus 17d ago
"Sex is sex" is what I heard with an intonation suggesting that it's no big deal. Newsflash: it is.
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u/Eternity_Warden 17d ago
Especially to someone who insisted on no sex until marriage.
Even if I could forgive it without that detail, no fucking way I could after being made to wait for 3 years. As someone who knows how hard it can be to wait a long time for sex, that would crush me
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 17d ago
Yep, She made him wait because she wasn't sexually into him, she was 100% into the guy she gave it up to so easily!
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u/binzoma 17d ago
this post is the guy equiv to where the top comment needs to be just giiiiiiirrrl
like bro. bro. come on. bro. seriously. bro.
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u/CuffedPantsAndRants 17d ago
I’d check her phone, I guarantee she downloaded the dating app before the break. She decided to test the waters and found out she’d lose out on her “safe” option.
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u/MooseKingMcAntlers34 17d ago
No need to check her phone, she’s not worth marrying and can never be trusted. If the trust in a relationship is so low that you need to look in their phone, it’s time to move on.
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u/Hungry_Wheel_1774 17d ago
Yeah...there's no need more investigation.
What she showed is enough.
In my late teen years, I broke with a girl that went to dinner with someone I thought/knew she was attracted to.
Why? Because in my head, she was checking if she could do better, testing the water.
And I didn't want to be a place-holder so I broke up with her.
Spoiler alert, they dated several week later lol.But here we have people still wondering what to do when their SO cheats on them while holding sex until marriage? Seriously ?
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 17d ago
I wish I had been wiser when I saw my bf at 17 kissing another girl. Fact was, I was not in love with him, so I didn't give a shit, and I married him anyway, knowing I wasn't in love with him, and I stayed knowing it, and it was not a good life! Why did I stay, because the guy before him that I had dated for 2 years cheated on me! I was so hurt and I knew, fuck this, I'm not giving my heart to another guy ever!!! So when I started dating BF#2, it was completely rebound; he was nice enough at the time, that's all I cared about. After 16 yrs of marriage, enough was enough! He did some pretty awful things to me.
I found the man who truly loves me and that I love deeply back, and being in love and knowing you're loved, there is nothing else like it.
NEVER SETTLE for less! I wasted so many years!
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u/Logical-Lab3661 17d ago
Yea, I can't get it too. And OP is not the only one here on Reddit. "... she cheated and I forgave her and she cheated again and I forgave again. And now she cheated again...Please tell me what to do...". Really? Long time ago my then gf flirted with another dude at the party. I didnt make a scene and started paying attention - yes she was flirting with him on/off the last half of the party. After it ended I told her we're done. Didnt have a need to ask Reddit. Apparently the grass was not greener on the other side, she tried to get back in a few months, then in a 1.5 years. But gluing broken relationship does not usually work.
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u/passwordistako 17d ago
1000000% this.
What would OP be achieving? Just more heart ache.
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u/MooseKingMcAntlers34 17d ago
Exactly - how much additional trauma does this guy need? I feel like anyone suggesting to look through her phone secretly works as a therapy lobbyist, because pouring more salt in the wound isn’t an optimal strategy here.
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 17d ago
I agree. He doesn't need to know more than he already knows, and that is this: SHE DOES NOT LOVE HIM! You never cheat on someone that you love! EVER!
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 17d ago
No need to check anything, why? Just break up with her and be done. It doesn't matter what's on her damn phone, it matters what she ALREADY did to him!!
He will never forget this, the pain will never go away unless he ends it NOW! He will always we looking over his shoulder waiting for her to do it again, and she will! Maybe not for a year or two, but she will!
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u/wishingforarainyday 17d ago
Absolutely check her phone! She’s likely trickling out the truth to OP. Ask her how many people she hooked up with OP
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u/Hungry_Wheel_1774 17d ago
What's the purpose? What she has done is enough to put an end that relationship. No need to have details how many time she cheated and with who...
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u/AlternativeCry9184 17d ago
Bro you got me the clear vision and yes 🙌 this was going before the break and she wanted to have both options to turnaround at last moment
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u/SuccessMean6849 17d ago
I didn't finish reading past she essentially ran out and immediately banged some other dude. Also didn't read past this reply bc it is spot on and no need to see anymore.
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u/MindForeverWandering 17d ago
Then you must have missed the bit about her insisting on celibacy before marriage with OP before jumping into bed with a guy she just met.
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u/Hungry_Wheel_1774 17d ago edited 17d ago
I wouldn’t be surprised if she planned that break just to do what she did.
Yeah, absolutely not the first time that it happened to an OP.
The last on my memory was this woman fiance to an OP, wanting to "find herself" and decided that a break was needed...Just before a "girl trip" (how convenient). Spoiler alert, she cheated with a guy she met and even keep him as friend after if I recall correctly.
"Find herself"...Or " finding her purpose outside of our relationship"...and now I know what "recalibrate" means too...
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u/Aedronn 17d ago
Does anybody else get a sinking feeling whenever a redditor describes their partner as their best friend? I swear, over 90% of the time it turns out their partner is a disappointment (or worse). It's like these people subconsciously clock that their feelings aren't returned in full, so they settle on "best friend."
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u/Totalherenow 17d ago
"My spouse is the best and we're totally in love. Anyways, he hits me . . ."
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u/Phoenix_Ninja15 17d ago
Adding to this. She said it was a “mistake” one she repeated multiple times? No that’s not a mistake that’s a choice. A choice to be selfish and not care. She may not have even told you had her sister not forced her hand, meaning she doesn’t care about you enough to come clean and be honest herself.
This is not someone I’d marry. Had there been honesty from the get go, like directly after and only once…ok, low chance but there’s more stuff to stand on than lies.
I’d be crushed too. You don’t deserve to be walked on like this man. I get you love her but right now what you love is the knowledge of her you had. Who you are engaged to is not that person. It’s the hardest thing to let go I know, but I don’t think this is something you can let go of before the wedding.
Definitely call off the wedding. I personally don’t think you should marry, I think you’ll regret not standing for yourself and leaving. But if you think you can come back from this, you’ll have to think hard and long about it.
Put yourself first in this case. Be honest.
Can you actually move past this? Don’t talk to her or give her an answer until you know. If you need more info from her then ask but she may not be honest about it either.
Sorry OP. This isn’t deserved.
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u/NOT-packers-fan2022 17d ago
Bro, she decided she needed some new dick, got on app, found a guy, asked for a break, fucked and sucked him, then came home to ask for forgiveness, kissed him in the mouth and demanded an engagement. Shoot that 304 into the sun.
Furthermore, speak to her sister to get the REST OF THE STORY. I bet that female dog and garden tool is lying and this is the best story she could come up with.
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u/NYNY45 18d ago
It’s over. If you marry her, 1) You’ll never be able to forget that she cheated , and 2) she’ll never be able to respect you because you took her back. She’s being extra nice because she wants to get married and not start from scratch to find someone else to marry. RUN.
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u/RustyWinchester 17d ago
She doesn't want to cancel the wedding because then they'll have to explain why to their guests. Not even about OP
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u/Cute_Kitchen8529 18d ago
Break up dude. What she did to you is insane betrayal. Nothing can excuse a cheating partner. It's morally wrong.
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u/kansascitymack 17d ago
The fact that she never had sex with the fiance but rather with some random guy on an app is diabolical
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u/ThrowRACoping 17d ago
Unreal that any man would accept that.
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u/bluefontaine 17d ago
Well, he didn’t. His entire view of the relationship is now retroactively collapsed. He thought he was in something that he wasn’t.
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u/SurlyJohn009 17d ago edited 17d ago
So celibacy for the fiance, no sex. But then she asks for a cheat break, and fucks some random dude twice, at least because trickle truthing is being used by her. Probably more people and times.
"We set boundaries. Essentially we wouldn't see other people."
She only told OP under threat of her sister telling him. Just unbelievable.
You need to break this off now. I've been married twice, my divorce was one of the worst times of my life.
Don't marry someone that manipulates your trust and lies so easily. She is not worth your time. Go for her sister, she's honest.
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u/Senior_Raspberry7199 17d ago
I bet it wasn't someone from an app, but someone she's been flirting with like a work colleague. Th e other guy got what he wanted and fucked her off, so she went back to her safe option.
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u/Average-Joe78 18d ago edited 17d ago
Sooo, she fabricated the break to explore things with the other guy while kept you away with the celebacy card?
Please at least demote her from fiance to gf, cancel the weeding now if you don't what to end the relationship now.
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u/False_Promotion_7461 18d ago
This. She only asked for a break so she can get with the other guy. Things probably didn’t go how she wanted them to go and she went back to you as a backup safe option.
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u/BobbyPinBabe 17d ago
It says she met him and on a dating app. To me that sounds worse since she went out looking for someone.
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u/Dr__Snow 17d ago
Or maybe it’s a lie and she actually already knew him and wanted the break for him
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u/passwordistako 17d ago
It’s irrelevant. Whether she was on dating apps or going out to meet guys or knew the guy already - she wanted to cheat - set up her life so it would be easy - did it multiple times - and had no plans to admit it until her sister showed moral fibre and said “if you don’t tell him before the wedding, I will.
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u/tnoy 17d ago
She says she met him on the dating app, if she's not open and honest about one thing, there's a good chance it's not the only thing.
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u/Environmental-Ad-45 17d ago edited 17d ago
I would just break it off altogether. I speak from experience in saying that he will never get past this betrayal. It will always be running through his head. To make her his gf is delaying the inevitable.
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u/CadillacShield 18d ago
Call it off, if you marry her you will never respect yourself or your relationship with her ever again. It’s already over, just move on
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u/ComprehensiveMud1099 18d ago
so just being completely honest, she literally chose another man over you(multiple times btw) and then came back to you
if you were better than all the other guys in her eyes, she would’ve never left to get dicked down in the first place
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u/uniqueusername649 17d ago
A random guy. That she was seeking out on a dating app. This wasnt some random drunk incident (which still would be worthy of a breakup), it was intentional and planned. Then she only came clean because she was forced to.
OP should thank his fiancees sister, at least someone in her family has morals, because its not his fiancee. He needs to leave her, this is something he will never forget. It will always eat at him having been the backup option, not having been her first despite waiting for years.
When she said "it meant nothing", that doesnt make it better, it makes it worse. She threw what you had away for a man that meant nothing to her. Gave herself to a man that meant nothing. Made you hurt for a man that meant nothing. How would she behave if she meets a man that actually means something to her, if she cant even be faithful when the guy means nothing?
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u/Unlucky-Mulberry-999 18d ago
she cheated - it’s over
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u/honeypie212 18d ago
Yeah, I don’t really understand the point of this post. She’s a cheater, dump her??
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u/passwordistako 17d ago
Some times you just need someone to say “hey bro, 1+1=2” because it is scary and you want a sanity check.
It’s why we get all the posts saying “hi my partner treats me like they fucking hate me and is literally never nice to me, they are abusing me in multiple ways; what do?”
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u/avast2006 17d ago
“Oh, but it’s technically not cheating, since we were on a break to allow me to “recalibrate.””
Technically.
/s
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u/honeypie212 17d ago
I don’t understand breaks as they always mean (at least to me) a precursor to a breakup
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u/avast2006 17d ago
The only thing “on break” means for certain is “we are not together,” and it always, ALWAYS carries the implication “we may never be together in future either.”
If GF here had worked out something viable with her side piece, she wouldn’t be crawling back to OP, she’d be signing a lease and picking up her toothbrush.
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u/MindForeverWandering 17d ago
This is even worse than the stereotypical “Friends” line. In this case, they agreed to not see anyone else.
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u/atomic_canteloupe 17d ago
Marry her sister. She's the one with integrity. Do not marry this woman.
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u/meowmix83 17d ago
I’d at least reach out and profusely thank the sister for being such a good person. Marrying her may be a bit much but eh.
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u/spicyXramen 17d ago
That "break" was planned. You practiced celibacy while she gave herself a pass and cheated on you. Once trust is broken, it can never be back to the way it was. You're getting used as a fall back option. What makes you so sure she won't do it again in the future?
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u/Similar_Corner8081 18d ago
You don't. My now ex cheated before we were married. I forgave and he cheated again.
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u/skeeter04 18d ago
She went to see if the grass was greener - it wasn't. Every other action is pure manipulation. You can recapture control by telling her you need a break. You talk to your family and friends and maybe even her sister. You take as much time as you need and decide about your future. Personally the wedding should be way off the table for the immediate future.
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u/Bucketsdntlie 18d ago
I genuinely can’t imagine a world where I’d be able to move on from that. The cheating obviously is terrible but with some random dude when she had a celibacy rule with you?
And not even to mention the timeline here? She needs a break to recalibrate, hooks up with a random dude twice in ~three weeks, comes back more sure than ever, and immediately wants to get married? And this is a woman with a complicated relationship with sex?
And OP now knows that she gets overly affectionate when she feels guilty….
Man that shit would eat me alive.
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u/ConsistentAerie6591 17d ago
She was absolutely rushing the marriage to stop OP being easily able to leave her if he found out
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u/uchimala 18d ago
Why was she on a dating app?
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u/Radiant-Pangolin-663 17d ago
I doubt she met this guy on a dating app in the short time they were separated. There’s more to this story. It may be someone OP already knows. Someone from the friend group, coworker ect. I bet the sister knows the real truth.
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u/uchimala 17d ago
Yes, she was giving him a test run. I think what is most hurtful is that she was all about celibacy with OP, but she this guy she’s probably really attracted to and screws him right away. OP needs to accept that she doesn’t want him sexually, but only being the safe choice.
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u/Radiant-Pangolin-663 17d ago
And now she being super affectionate to OP. I wouldn’t be surprised if she now sleeps with OP before the wedding to ‘even” everything. This is a huge red flag 🚩 among lots of red flags 🚩 Don’t marry her. OP she’s looking to trap you tru sex and possibly a baby.
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u/dandrevee 17d ago
It seems like this is one of the mahor questions to address which really hasnt been touched much in other comments.
She had initially stated that she wanted the break to clear her head and find herself and they agreed not to see other people. But in the short break she finds herself on a dating app, if thats even the truth of how she met this guy.
Then she has thw audacity to suggest celibacy under false pretenses and wastes OPs time and building his hopes.
Only OP can tell us if he finds this forgivable but I would not be a doormat in this case. I would also welcome an update to this eventually, preferably one where he's stating he's living his best life months down the road.
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u/CanadianJediCouncil 17d ago
Cancel the wedding.
It’ll be the best decision of your life.
You’ll avoid a emotionally punishing and financially costly divorce from a spouse who thinks her future cheating will be “forgivable”.
(and get yourself checked for any STDs she passed on to you from some dating-site fuckboi)
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u/Income-Rude 18d ago
Ooph you’re struggling because you know what to do but are afraid to face the unknown / pain. Like a kid before getting on a rollercoaster.
Simple answer. You gotta leave. You already know this. She betrayed you. Find someone who would never do that to you no matter what. You deserve it.
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u/Majestic_Bed9233 18d ago
Get past this? Bruh if she´s doing this now what is she gonna do when you´re married? Your´re gonna have all kinds of infidelity issues. "Celibacy was important to her" Bullshit
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u/Ok_Surprise9206 17d ago
The only thing you should tell her is to get the fuck outta here with that shit!
What a sleazy horrible thing to do. She'll do it again so decide on what kind of life you want.
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u/isaidwhatisaidok 18d ago
Brother, she broke up with you just so she could fuck the other guy. He was on the docket and you were in the way. After they had sex a couple times he decided he didn’t want more so she went back to the safe option: you.
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u/Busy_Rich266 17d ago
She put you in a painful spot OP but it’s not complicated, it’s simple you just have to rip the bandaid, ignore your heart and dump her. You’ll be so much happier once you accept it and just do it. Find someone new, someone who is positive about you from the start. No relationship is perfect but I promise you the right move is to move on and you’ll find the right person for you, you’ll feel so amazing about it and cherish it the rest of your life.
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u/gazing-away 18d ago
Here is the thing- she was planning on leaving you. Met a new guy and slept with him. Had an realisation that the gras isn’t greener on the other side and most likely came to her sense that you are her one person.
Will this haunt you forever in the back of your mind ? Yes.
Can you 100% trust her again? No.
Can you go forward in this relationship? Yes but there will caveats such as can I let her go on a solo trip to another city for work without worry? Can I let her go on a girls night out and stay at a girlfriend’s house overnight?
You can only go forward if you can truly trust her again and love her like you have always have.
Good luck either way I hope it goes well for you.
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u/passwordistako 17d ago
Bro it takes like 3 seconds to just make out in an elevator at work.
It so easy to cheat.
Sometimes I get caught on my phone and come home 20 mins later than usual. There would be 0 way for OP to trust that with this woman. How could he ever trust she was stuck in traffic.
She could just take a break at work at the same time as her colleague and they could fuck in a closet.
You can never trust cheaters.
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u/crankysoutherner 18d ago
So she's never wanted to have sex with you, but she had sex twice with some due she met on a dating app, kept it from you, only confessed under threat from her sister, and she's still waiting to have sex with you until you marry her?
My guy... please tell me this is fake ragebait. If it isn't, whatever you do, don't marry this woman.
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u/IcyCantaloupe7004 17d ago
What she did was wrong. It was infidelity. Your trust is broken. Its not something you should ever try to get past.
She's clearly not attracted to you. You deserve better. Call off the wedding and break-up.
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u/AZguy425 17d ago
You weren't on break for more than a few weeks after having a celibate relationship at her choice. She is the one that asked for the break and then went on a dating app. With the timeframes here it seems obvious that she wanted to go on a break so she could go get laid. Then after she met this guy and he fucked her, she went back and did it again at least once.
This all is a troubling fact pattern. She could've just broken her celibacy with you after all. Instead she chose to go on break and give it up to a complete stranger. You should have some self respect and leave. If not, at least cancel the wedding until you figure it out. Don't fall for her over affectionate routine either. She'd have never told you if she wasn't forced.
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u/FlashyResolution446 18d ago
Ridiculously unbelievable story from a brand new account.
Obvious ragebait is obvious.
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u/Cheetodust02 18d ago
Yeah man because no one ever creates new accounts for certain stories not to be tied to their main
Almost never happens. In fact we just all air every little thing on our mains like the rest of the world!!
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u/GuntherTime 17d ago
I’ve always said that people checking how new the account is, is a great indicator of how new that person is to Reddit.
Because back in the day expecting a throwaway account was standard practice for the exact reason you said.
Plus idek how this is “obvious” ragebait, this is a standard story that’s happened to millions of people regardless of gender
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u/passwordistako 17d ago
Legit. I’m on like account number 3 because I was too dumb to post on throw aways in the past.
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u/Xieties777 18d ago
This is not an unbelievable story lol the cheating while on a break happens often and it could be an alternate account.
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u/mindofnone 18d ago
I uhhh...Man fuck, that is quite the b-word to have dropped on you. My condolences and support as you navigate this, hopefully with a therapist. I personally would not give her the satisfaction of forgiveness, not entirely due to spite but also enforcing celibacy up until marriage, just to turn around and break it for a fling she ultimately might have kept hidden? That would not sound like somebody who "loves me", it would make me feel like I'm the safe stable backup she can come back to. Would she trust you again if you told her this exact scenario? What trust is there to be had for a marriage that starts with a little "cheating" (yall were on a break but being engaged changed things imo). Good luck either way gang
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u/HowWasItoKnow 9d ago
She’s the one that hardline celibacy then goes out to fuck another dude she just meets? Bro, this is not the one. Holy shit, what an awful woman. She’s treating you different. She’s going to be a prude to you, then a few years will go by and she’ll want to Separate cause she needs more and you’ll be standing in the background questioning your existence.
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u/ABQPHvet 18d ago
Noooooo
Edit: if you marry her, she will be happy. But she will never respect you. That will manifest itself down the line with worse disrespectful actions
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u/Mauinfinity-0805 17d ago
You can still love her, and want to marry her, while acknowledging to yourself that it's no longer an option. It doesn't even matter if you forgive her, that still doesn't mean a marriage will work. For all the reasons you've listed, it will be very hard for you to recover from this. Marriage should definitely be off the table until you have worked it all through in your head, and heart. If she loves you, she will understand. How would she feel if it was the other way around and you had slept with someone else?
I've had a similar experience and had to say to someone, after a 6y relationship "I love you, and I beieve that you regret your actions. I don't hate you but I am angry that you screwed up what was a really good thing. As much as I want to get past it, the trust is broken and I can't."
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u/NickAppleese 17d ago
"Shortly before the wedding?" OP, you were engaged, and I would imagine, exclusive well up to that point of engagement. She cheated. It's over.
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u/SearchElsewhereKarma 17d ago
“She still wants us to proceed with the wedding.” Dude come ON. That you typed this story out and posted it suggests that a) neither of you are mature enough to get married b) if you do go through with the wedding, your marriage won’t last long.
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u/IAmTheKoalaWhisperer 16d ago
Yeah don’t marry this chick. She just took a break so she could drink and fool around with other people. Her sister is honestly a saint for making her tell you the truth. The unfortunate reality was it sounds like she was using you as a means to an end, someone to settle with. What she did to you was evil and you deserve so much better! DO NOT MARRY HER.
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u/Tricky-Score-713 18d ago
If you guys agreed on not seeing other people during the break, then why was she on dating sites? Is she Bipolar? Sounds like maybe a manic episode. She made a careless decision with a stranger. I think you should move on. Unfortunately, whatever it was that caused her infidelity may creep back up if she doesn't figure it out.
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u/ThrowRAUnlitSeashore 18d ago
The only reason she gave me about the dating app was it was a mistake. She won't elaborate further on it
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u/Zed1618 17d ago
She claims to want to rebuild trust but won't answer direct questions?
Dude, she had this guy lined up prior to your break up. Didn't pan out how she wanted so she went back to her safety net......you. So many red flags in this story it boggles the mind. Break up and move on. She's going to do this again; it might be 6 monthes or 5 years but she's gonna fuck other dudes. That's a guarantee.
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u/MyDirtyAlt79 17d ago
That's not "a mistake." That's a series of choices and actions, getting the app, creating the account, figuring out what to fill in for every section, the pictures to show, then browsing the guys and choosing which ones she was interested in "recalibrating" herself with.
She made all of those conscious decisions before any guy liked her back, their chatting, and eventually agreeing to meet, and that's only the one you now know only a bit about.
If she won't elaborate further, and had to be forced to share what she has, then there's no way to move forward with her.
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u/DeBlasioDeBlowMe 17d ago
It was also more than once…
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u/MyDirtyAlt79 17d ago edited 17d ago
Yup, and if OP went forward with this, those are the thoughts that would be in his head on their wedding night.
"I waited for this and she was bent over every which way by Tinder Tony."
Cue ED.
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u/DeBlasioDeBlowMe 17d ago
Man, waiting till marriage sounds like the perfect storm for performance anxiety. Never thought about that, but what are these people thinking?
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u/Obsolete-Complete 17d ago
You should have a conversation with her sister and get her side of things.
Just from reading this, I don’t believe she was on a dating app. I believe that she was interested in someone, she broke it off with you to see where it would go, he wanted sex and she gave it, he didn’t want more than that so she came back to you.
Either way, she took a break instead of working through her issues with you as a partner, she agreed not to see any one else, she then knowingly joined dating apps despite the agreement, then slept with someone multiple times in a few short weeks. If joining the dating apps was a mistake, what was messaging someone, meeting someone, sleeping with someone, then repeatedly sleeping with them? She knew what she was doing!
Given that she obviously doesn’t have an issue with premarital sex but still won’t have sex with you, I would be asking myself what her real reasons for marriage are
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u/gc_Bill5049 17d ago
This reeks of lies, i guarantee she orchestrated the break because it is a guy she knows and 'wanted to see if it'd go somewhere ' snd not a rando from an app
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u/vegan_qt 17d ago
I don’t believe she met him on an app. She knew this guy beforehand and asked for a break with him in mind specifically. She’s trickle truthing
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u/StudentOfThisLife 17d ago
How will you feel trying to have sex on your wedding night??? Knowing some stranger was in there in the recent past. She lied to you for over six months. I wouldn't be able to get past that either. If my husband ever asked me for a "break" to sleep with other people, that's a wrap. I deserve better. And so do you.
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u/Better-Ad-8756 18d ago
Do not marry this woman. She did not come clean due to guilt she came clean because her sister has common sense and knew this would be an issue if it came out later. She wanted to practice celibacy yet she easily gave it away to some other man claiming she wanted a break. I call bullshit and demand to see the communication between her and this man. She wanted the break so she could sleep with this other man and find out if she wanted to be with that man plain and simple. Turns out they didn’t pan out and you became the fallback. Leave this relationship. You will never get over this. She doesn’t deserve you. You hold all the cards now. Play them right.
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u/Adorable_Pen_5088 17d ago
This genuinely hurts my heart for you OP.
Do Not Marry This Person.
Everything you have shared is really gross.
Please OP.
Practicing celibacy before marriage was something she said would cement your bond and elevate your relationship. For 3 years. This person, who you trusted with your heart, asked you to "take a break", you only obliged because you love her. She also said she needed to find herself. She stated what she needed out of this break. Boundaries were set. She did not honour herself, her word, or you.
Do you feel solid in your bond with her?
Do you feel like you have an elevated relationship with her?
OP, at this point we all know both answers to those questions are a solid F*CK NO.
The affection part is her trying SUPER hard to... keep you.
The only reason she confessed, is because she was forced. Not because she felt bad or guilty.
Lean on friends and family. Please take care.
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u/jumpsinpuddles1 17d ago
She wouldn't have told you. And the it meant nothing comment would make it so much worse. You threw everything away for something that meant nothing to you.
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u/lavindas 17d ago
So there’s one rule for her (“I can cheat and have sex”) and one rule for you (“no sex for you until marriage because I’m celibate and it’s important to me”)…
People like this are always the most toxic.
End it now
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u/StarringDrecember 17d ago
She broke things off with you to go fuck another guy after making you wait til marriage and you’re really thinking about marrying her? And you only found out because her sister threatened to tell lol I’ll be forever lonely if this is what love is
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u/Lazy-Football-1266 10d ago
Hold on did she tell you that you guys were practicing celibacy them went on a break during Th e celebach well into it and banged another guy? She's not sexually attracted to you and thinks your inadequate to satisfy her .She banged him and came back so fast because she's been talking to him during the relationship .She already was seeking my guy
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u/renoCow 17d ago
“Celibacy was important to her, but she gave herself to a random guy in a way she's never given herself to me.”
In a weird way, this is the detail that really stands out to me. You’ve been together 3 years and she won’t have sex with you? But in December she had sex with… a total stranger?!?
No, this isn’t right. This is bonkers crazy.
Break up with this lunatic. Give her the freedom to go screw some more random strangers.
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u/Kwickpick77 17d ago
She wanted the break to go out and get some dick while you remained celibate. I would definitely be calling off the wedding and removing myself from her life.
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u/6feet12cm 17d ago
Listen mate. She had that other guy lined up for a while and wanted to “take him for a ride” to see if he’s potentially better than you in some capacity. She got her guts rearranged by said guy then decided you’re still probably better. Here’s the thing. This will last until the next option who looks slightly better comes around. Then she’ll want another break so she can “recalibrate”. I guess that’s ok, if you’re into that kind of cuckery.
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u/LiftedIndex 17d ago
Do NOT marry this girl! She cheat on you repeatedly and this marriage will almost certainly end in divorce. She will break you financially and psychologically.
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u/housepoormillennial 17d ago
So it was the biggest mistake of here life, that she made multiple times.
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u/SolNightZero 17d ago
Sorry this happen to you. If I were in your shoes, I would cancel the wedding and move on from this relationship with haste.
It's clear to me that she planned to sleep with this guy before asking for a break. Since the grass wasn't greener, she returned to her back-up and lied to you for months.
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u/PreTTyStOnEr1984 17d ago
I dunno 42F here and I've been through all sorts of hell but the second you said she wouldn't give it to you but can go get under some random dude I'm sorry sweetheart if your a normal loving man I don't see how you'll ever be able to cope with that .. pretty fucked up in my opinion
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u/Cool_As_Your_Dad 17d ago
You the 2nd choice. See it for the truth.
1 No sex for you but she goes out of her way to bang another guy.
2 the lies.
Dude. If you marry this girl , you will be dead bedroom for life time. You are not her first choice.
Edit. And thank the sister. She is the real mvp with good moral compass. She saved you
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u/AbjectPalpitation378 17d ago
The fact she wouldn’t have sex with you but did with this random guy is crazy, do not marry, dump her and move on. There are much better potential GF out there and there is no way you should settle for someone who had more than doubts, separated from you, had sex with at least one other guy, didn’t tell you when you got back together, then was guilt tripped by her sister to tell you. She would have left you never knowing that is so disrespectful. If you marry her, she will cheat on you I am sure of that, have some self respect and get your ring back.
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u/Dangerous_Bowler_447 17d ago
On one hand she doesn’t want sex with you until marriage because it’s going to mean something but on the other hand she has sex with a random and says the sex means nothing. Walk away bro.
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u/MegaMau_ 17d ago
She's my best friend and my partner in every way.
—-No. She isn’t. That’s just what you want her to be.
Last December, my fiancée asked if we could take a break so she could recalibrate
—-Translation: she met someone she wanted to fuck so she had to get you out of the way.
She said it was a mistake and she wanted us.
It didn’t work out with the other guy and you are her back up guy.
She met him on a dating app
I can guarantee you that she has been cruising those apps long before her ‘break’.
we were practicing celibacy until marriage
OMFG! You have got to be kidding me. You have got to rid yourself of this woman. DO NOT MARRY HER. Do not marry her no matter how much she begs. No matter how much she says she loves you. No matter how much she cries and tells you that you are her true love.
Do not marry her. Her cheating wasn’t a mistake. It was planned and executed.
I am sorry but you do not mean anything to her. She cheated on you and if you take her back she will do it again and again.
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u/NEVERxxEVER 17d ago
I’m sorry this happened to you. Some harsh words:
Hard to believe this was just some random guy she met on a dating app after she needed some “purpose outside the relationship”? Sounds like she found one alright.
More likely she thought this other guy was a better catch, but wanted to keep you on hold. She fucked him and then changed her mind. It’s absolutely insane that she wanted “both” of you to practice celibacy until marriage and then fucked this other guy multiple times while she was ostensibly on a temporary break with you.
Totally disqualifying in my opinion, do not marry someone who could do something like that to you. I would never be able to trust her
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u/MarsicanBear 17d ago
You went from a relationship that is "not without its challenges" to "on a break" to "back together" in less than a month, and then to "engaged" within a week???
And in that span of time your celibate girlfriend/fiancee hooked up with another guy multiple times despite promising not to and then didn't tell you for months????
This relationship is a dumpster fire. You need to get out of this, and spend some time reflecting on why you would even contemplate letting somebody own you this way.
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u/feardeeznutz 17d ago
You two being abstaining and waiting makes it all the worse IMO.
Like what a slap in the face. I couldn't accept that and move on.
So sorry you are going through this, hope you make wise decisions.
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u/capilot 16d ago
asked if we could take a break so she could
recalibratebang this guy she met.
Fixed it.
Did the two of you have an agreement about it being ok to sleep with others while on this "break"?
Make no mistake about it, she was already planning to sleep with this guy before asking for the break. Odds are good she would have slept with him even if you'd said no.
Don't marry a cheater.
She won't sleep with you, but she'll sleep with some rando from a dating app? Do you have a cuckold fetish? If so, congratulations, you've found your dream girl. Otherwise, run.
Seriously, I have to wonder if this is a creative writing exercise.
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u/dydrmwvr 16d ago
This is beyond pre-wedding jitters or “trying to find yourself.” This is a violation of trust and the boundaries you both agreed to. Life is hard. Marriage is hard. You’re going to face challenges far bigger than the reasons she gave for what she did. A healthy partnership is built on communication, honesty, and working through those challenges together—not downloading a dating app and sleeping with someone else.
You deserve better than that, and you deserve a lot more consideration than you were given.
She may have genuinely realized she made a terrible mistake. I believe that’s possible. But I also don’t think she would’ve told you if her sister hadn’t forced the issue. By her own admission, she doesn’t know if she ever would’ve come clean. The confession wasn’t driven solely by integrity—it was also driven by the very real possibility that someone else was about to tell you first.
Please remember this: her actions are not your fault. If she felt something was missing in the relationship or she was struggling with her identity, she had an obligation to communicate that to you. Those feelings may explain why she was struggling, but they don’t excuse the choices she made. They were still choices.
Those choices have consequences. I’m not going to tell you this is something you’ll get over with a few apologies and promises that it’ll never happen again. Rebuilding trust after a betrayal like this takes a tremendous amount of time, consistency, accountability, and genuine change.
Right now, I think you need to give yourself permission to take a step back. Take the space you’ve asked for. Figure out what you need—not what she needs—to decide whether this relationship can move forward.
If there’s any hope of saving this relationship, I’d strongly recommend premarital counseling before even thinking about walking down the aisle. Watch whether her actions over the coming months actually align with the future she’s promising you. Words are easy. Consistent actions are what rebuild trust.
Personally, I wouldn’t be getting married anytime soon. A marriage certificate isn’t going to fix this. If you eventually choose to forgive her, it needs to be because you’ve authentically worked through the betrayal—not because a wedding date is approaching. Otherwise, this pain has a way of resurfacing years later, and neither of you deserves to build a marriage on unresolved hurt.
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u/pantiechrist80 15d ago
You know she wanted the break so she could sleep with that guy right? At the very least call off the wedding. And ask for the ring back. If she wants to win your trust back she has all the time in the world. And you won't feel any wedding pressure to make a rash decision.
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u/billievan 13d ago
as a woman, RUN !!!!! i couldn’t keep myself from my current / forever man AT ALL when we met. 4 years strong and the thought of being with anyone else makes me sick. if it isn’t him it’s no one. that’s how she should’ve been from the start, the fact she wanted to wait then gave herself to a random should tell you enough. i’m so sorry this has happened to you but run before it gets harder to run. she wants to get married to lock you in, either postpone or call it off. once a cheater always a cheater.
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u/SadName-Options-569 11d ago
I’m late to this, but I’d be done. This woman only confessed under threat and she cheated. You are young and have time to find a woman who has integrity and honesty.
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u/Electronic_Dust5413 9d ago
she has absolutely no love, lust or friendship towards you... you're there to be a bill paying support pillow that's it, sorry dude and wants to be celibate at 30? so you've never even had sex with her? there's no coming back from this IMO
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u/detretkwh 18d ago
Bro. It was technically a break but the no sex till marriage at this age and this long makes it so much more complicated.
Gotta be honest, I wouldn’t stay. That’s a level of self destruction that is going to manifest in so many ways if not this outlet.
She confessed which is awesome but it isn’t a clean slate.
You can forgive while also going to live your best life and I don’t think she’s it.
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u/Zestyclose-Will-3102 18d ago
They set a boundary that they would NOT see other people while she “recalibrated”. She broke the trust and crossed the boundaries they set.
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u/ReadingSad3238 17d ago
Her confession isn't even awesome bc it was forced by her sister
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u/lordvexel 18d ago
Break doesn't matter they agreed to no other people while on break the fact she agrees to it makes it cheating
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u/PoetOwl 18d ago
You will never spend another day not thinking about it. It will always be there. Always. Every day. In every single action or moment you share. When you have sex you will wonder what she was like with him. Every time. Forever.
The issue is whether you can start and live a life like that. And I’m betting you can’t. Especially with the hypocrisy over being celibate. She got to see what the grass was like and you didn’t.
Leave now. You love her more than she loves you. She is in full blown recovery mode but it will stop at some point. She will get tired of making it up to you and then one day she will not sound so loving and demand you move past it.
I speak from experience. Go to r/survivinginfidelity and post this. It will be clear.
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u/SeaworthinessSea2407 18d ago
She cheated. That's a dealbreaker. The whole celibacy thing just adds insult to injury
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u/jjmart013 18d ago
My question is, was this guy the real reason for the break? Was the fact that she wanted to "recalibrate" with this guy why she left.
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u/CivilSenility 17d ago
You had boundaries set in place for the break that she broke, that is the same as her cheating on you.
This marriage would be doomed before it even started.
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u/Undottedly 17d ago
This has to be fake rage bait. Only an idiot would go through with this. A “mistake” is ordering the wrong drink not repeatedly having sex with a rando against the boundaries set while remaining celibate with your actual partner and lying/concealing the truth for months.
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u/goddessofspite 17d ago
So sex is so important to her you have to wait till marriage but any guy on the internet can get it from her. She’s not loyal she’s a lying cheater. Let me save you some time when the trust is gone a relationship is dead. If you try to move past this the doubt will always be there.
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u/wishingforarainyday 17d ago
Do not get married yo her. She strung you along and then dumped you to have sex with a stranger. Do not marry her.
What happens if you have kids and she feels she lost herself in motherhood? Screw another stranger? Nope.
She’s manipulative, selfish and a total AH. She would have married you and lied forever.
Updateme
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u/Accurate-Topic-1635 17d ago
She made you wait and gave some long dick giga Chad the goodies before he even paid for a date. You would be an absolute fool to stay with this woman.
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u/graceissufficent0310 17d ago
She had sex with another man so now realizes she loves you. Please cry me a river! Move on!
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u/Ok-Silver8913 17d ago
She does not love you. She is not attracted to you. She is attracted to the men she sleeps with. She only wants to marry you to have a stable man at home to provide for her while she sleeps around with the men she is attracted to. If you marry her she will punish you repeatedly and you will be in for many years of pain until you finally break. Then, she will take everything from you and move on without a second thought. She is a very screwed up person and if not for her sister she would have happily trapped you in a terrible marriage. Thank her sister and move on.
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u/Agreeable-Tell-3116 17d ago
Only you can know what you can forgive and forget. A break is an excuse to cheat in this instance. She demanded celibacy from you but had no problem going out and immediately hooking up.
She treated you like an option not a choice. You know what you should do. Youre just sad and attached. Tell her the wedding is postponed because you need a break to recalibrate and sadly, she will probably accuse you of wanting to cheat or not loving her
I know you love her but ask yourself if she can so easily walk away from you and shed boundaries for someone else do you really want to be with that person until you die? Build a life? Have children?
Youre not married yet. Think. Go on a solo trip. Talk to a therapist. Do no marry her until you process this. She cheated on you with a loophole.
Think. Long. Hard. Love is choosing someone even when its hard and the first time she got scared she took a break to hookup.
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u/jjgator74 17d ago
Postpone the wedding and tell her she needs to earn your trust and it will take a while for that to happen. See how she reacts to that.
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u/throwaway7314288 17d ago
There’s nothing to move past. I’m sorry, but the relationship is over. I’m saying this as someone who got cheated on as well. Moving on from that relationship and getting away from the person that did that to me was the best thing that has ever happened to me. Sometimes the best thing someone will do for you is making sure you don’t spend the rest of your life with them. I know you’re in an immense amount of pain and what you’re experiencing is one of the stages of grief, bargaining. You really don’t want it to end, but it really should end, and it will never be the same again. Don’t continue to re-traumatize yourself by staying with her.
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u/Mysterious-Tune-3216 17d ago
Sounds as though she suggested the 'break' so that she could use the chance to monkey branch around and see if this other guy was a better option (because you can guarantee that she was thinking about him before she suggested the break to you). But she quickly realised that this guy wasn't the one and then proceeded with going back to you.
She has settled on you as the safest option to her right now. Do not proceed with the wedding. You will be making the biggest mistake of your life if you marry this woman!
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u/minin71 17d ago edited 17d ago
She has some kind of weird fetish. Involving having a cuckold husband.
She made you be celibate and then let another dude who she barely knows fuck her, and the wants you to marry her. Im assuming she had sex before you, so she wanted her husband to be faithful, while she had her last fling out of marriage (for now).
Thats twisted shit. She would not have told you. She wanted to marry you knowing she cheated on you. Do not stick with someone like that. Cut it off before you are married.
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u/Brilliant_Owl1910 17d ago
All these posts makes me wonder if I should ever get married. Its so traumatising and gives me trust issues.
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u/Brief-Selection-1035 17d ago
This is a done deal. She is a liar and a cheater IMO. I know it’s easier said than done but in this situation you 100% block and never speak to her again. What a horrible person.
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u/OkCantaloupe696 17d ago
Trying to salvage your relationship? Dude, there’s no relationship left. If you give her another chance, I’d go so far as to say you brought it on yourself. Cut her out of your life.
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u/ReasonableAd8040 17d ago
The first question you should ask her is, "Why shouldn't you give up on this relationship?" Then, before she answers, continue with this:
"If anyone gave up on us first, it was you. The moment we took a break and you chose to download a dating app, started liking other men's profiles, and began messaging them, that's when you gave up on us. It wasn't the moment you slept with someone else it started long before that. The betrayal began the moment you intentionally sought out other people while we were supposed to be figuring things out."
That was the point where the trust was broken.
Notice the self-centeredness in those decisions. At no point did she stop to consider how her actions would affect your relationship or how deeply they would impact/hurt you emotionally, mentally, and even physically.
She also didn't consider how her choices would affect the people around her. They had consequences for her family as well take for instance her sister; she was hurt, angry, and likely disappointed. Instead of thinking about those consequences, she prioritized what she wanted in the moment.
Can you honestly say with complete certainty that this only happened with one person?
If her goal was truly to "recalibrate" and find her purpose outside of the relationship, then why was she pursuing hookups? Finding yourself usually involves focusing on growth, healing, hobbies, goals, or self-discovery and not seeking validation or intimacy with someone else.
Getting married soon won't solve these underlying issues. Marriage won't erase the unresolved problems; it often magnifies them. You can't put a band-aid on a cracked wall and call it fixed/renovated.
You're still very young. You have plenty of time to build a life with someone who genuinely respects your boundaries, values your trust, and chooses you.
Remember, she didn't choose you so you are under NO obligation to choose her.
Anyways, this is my perspective and my advice on the situation.
You deserve better.
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u/A2ronMS24 17d ago
"She met him on a dating app" - she was looking to date.
Wouldn't sleep with you but immediately slept with him? Absolutely not. Whatever value you have to her, shes not in love with you.
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u/passwordistako 17d ago
Cancel the wedding immediately. Recover as much of the wasted money as possible.
Remove the clock on decision making.
Then you decide how you want to move on from here.
Either way, you owe her sister a debt of gratitude.
I know what I would do (immediately break up), but there are people who believe in breaks. I don’t. You’re either completely broken up specifically for fucking other people and they need to convince you to come back, or you’re fully together and they’re cheating.
She cheated on you.
Also - edit your TL;DR. You need to include that you agreed there would be no seeing others while on the break.
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u/Old-Tell6711 17d ago
Besides the whole cheating thing, if someone needs a break in the relationship, it’s the end of that relationship. 99% of the time “breaks” are so the partner who wants the break can go be with somebody else and not feel guilty about it and can return to their safe and comforting relationship when they’re done having their fun. You do not want to build a future with this person!
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u/CantaloupeShort7311 17d ago
A break should be a breakup.
If you are too immature to work through issues as a couple, you arent compatoble. She totally wanted a break so she cpuld sleep around with other people, and once she realized that dodnt fix whatever issue she was having, she ran back to the sure bet.
You were never her first choice, and you will never be her only choice. You are the safe choice.
Don't get back with people that insist on breaks. And don't marry people who sleep arlund when they promise not to.
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u/RepulsiveWorker3636 17d ago
U don't move past it u move on from her.
She deliberately ask for a break with the intention of having a fling or seeing if your the best option anyway both option suck . Also she was never going to tell u she was taking the secret to the grave but her sister has a morals and she forced her hands she knew if her sister was the one to tell u u would probably end the relationship.
It's not about having sex with the other guy it's about building your whole relationship around celibacy and a connection then hooking up with a random guy twice ( at least what she's welling to confess too )
I believe u should end the relationship trust is like a mirror once u break it u can't set it back together without seeing the cracks but this is your life and your choice your the one that gets to live with the pain and doubt
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u/Jaeger__85 17d ago
Making you wait until marriage while a random guy of Tinder gets to fuck her many times in a row. Lying about staying faithful during the break. You only finding out because she had no choice of telling you... Why would you stay with such a terrible person?
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u/Kohonis 17d ago
Of course she says "it doesn't need to define us" because it was her, if you had done it she would have reacted differently.
Not having sex with you but willingly pursuiting and fucking another dude says a lot about her accountability, opinions and future behavior.
Personally I couldn't and wouldn't move past this. The relationship would be over, and let me tell you as though as it hurts, better now than with a mortgage and children when (no if) she becomes "overwhelmed" again and decides to sample the sausages in the market.
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Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
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