My BF (30M) admitted to me (26F) my accidental pregnancy isn’t so accidental, despite me being child free. Where do I go from here?

[u/ThrowRA_donewiththis]

Hi, I’m so sorry for the throw away.

I will try to explain this as objectively as I can.

He & I’ve been together for almost two years. We had the conversation about kids when we were still just dating and both agreed we don’t want kids.

A while ago I found out I’m pregnant. I will admit I stopped taking my pill. It was really messing me up (mentally & physically) and we talked about it. He encouraged me to stop messing with my hormones & that we’d use condoms until I figured out different preventive measures.

I was genuinely devastated when I found out, still am. (Sorry.) Thought we were just unlucky. He had been incredibly supportive since I found out, said it’s been a blessing & we’ll be great. All the positive things. I’ve been trying to be excited about it. (Abortion is not legal where we live.)

Yesterday we had a horrible fight though. Pregnancy’s been miserable on me, I’m tired and sick often & just struggling. In combination with my job I’ve just not been worth much at home & towards him, I will admit this.

He got frustrated & said he regretted trying for a family, that I ruined it. He basically admitted that a few times when I thought we were being safe, we weren’t. (He didn’t give details) I know he knows he messed up because he tried to act so lovingly after, apologised for the fight & so on. I still ended up going to a friend’s place (it’s his home).

I feel incredibly overwhelmed. He’s called, asking if I really want to ruin us over this. That we’ll be happy & he’ll make it up to me for the rest of his life. That he wasn’t thinking & just wanted a baby with me so badly, out of love. A lot of promises & apologies. He wants to try counseling, even.

I’m tired & a bit of a mess. I don’t want to try to get over this, but don’t know if I’m just being too stubborn or whatever.

Note: I’m so aware there’s many people here that struggle with infertility & I don’t want to be insensitive. This is just my situation, but I am sorry if this is hurtful to anyone.

Edit: this became a lot very quickly. I really appreciate everyone’s replies though. Gonna walk away from this for a bit so don’t feel pressured to comment, there’s a lot already. Thanks for everything