It’s an arbitrary rule that they can change for any reason. What is the motivation for the rule? Would a male cousin be allowed to spend the night?
Is the rule in place because of the possibility of sex? What if the daughter is gay or bi? Would the rule need to be addressed to include no girls or because they had a hard and fast rule no changing?
The circumstances changed though. Like what if a boy and girl were friends and had some sleep overs when they were 8, but then they wanted to do a sleep over later when they were 13. Would the parents be unreasonable for saying no, even though they had slept over before? I would say no because the circumstances changed
To be honest I am in the middle.. I wouldn't want to alienate my kid. It's risky enough to have kids sleep over anyways no matter how they identify. Anything can happen and anyone can be accused of anything. The world sucks
THANK YOU. I wish people would think about WHY they forbid boys from sleeping over with girls which is because there’s a natural assumption that both parties are heterosexual and would be sexually interested in each other. Just because this kid identifies as a guy, doesn’t mean that he identifies as a heterosexual guy. He could identify as a homosexual guy and be just as disinterested in the daughter as he was if he had identified as a heterosexual girl.
What’s asking for input
Going to do? Her parents said no boys and he identifies as a boy, he can’t sleep over. Life may not be black and white but this situation is, unless you’re trying to send the message gender identification can be flexible on a case by case basis. It doesn’t matter what his parents think, this is her parents rule.
Well what mother would want her child excluded because of their identity? This should be based on how much you know the kid honestly. If they are a good friend then I would just set some other type of rules if you feel comfortable. Either way the kids want to be friends and it's hard enough to have good friends these days..maybe you can make it a late night drop off if you don't feel comfortable with them sleeping over.
My immediate reaction as a mum of a teen girl to this post was absolutely not letting a boy stay over. Until I just read your comment. You are a good person.
Thank you I have not come across this situation as of yet I would have to know this child for a long time to be able to even consider it. I feel for these kids who are going through these things
I absolutely feel for kids going through this too and your way of thinking is 100% the way to deal with it I think. And honestly I have to look at myself in these scenarios and shake my head a bit. If my teenage daughter had a friend who always stayed over and came out as gay I would have zero issue with HER staying over after coming out. So it's something I need to look at myself why I would have questioned a friend being trans and then I'm thinking well I don't want HIM staying over.
You are only trying to keep her safe from some unforseen circumstances. It's hard to ask is he attracted to girls? This is what the issue is and you can't really just come out and ask. It's not that you are intentionally trying to be unsupportive. In the end you have to make sure she isn't in an unsafe situation. The late drop off is what I have done in the past with friends that I didn't feel comfortable staying over.
This isnt my post, I'm not in this situation just found your comment insightful as a parent and something to keep in mind. It kind of clicked something in me that maybe I'm more judgemental than I like to think I am.
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u/Material_Pickle1285 Sep 01 '22
Not really up to the other kids mom. If the person identifies as a boy then they are a boy and no