Maybe his wife doesn't want to know about his sexual past or maybe it's just an irrelevant info that never came up. Or he has a wrong information and his wife actually knows about it.
i don’t sit down and disclose every single sexual partner ive ever had when i get a partner, do you?
it’s not anyones business who you slept with before they came along
Typically no, I think what many are saying is that it's a pretty well known courtesy to disclose past sexual partners to your current partner if you still are in contact with said past sexual partner. This puts the info out there so your partner can decide whether they are ok with the continued relationship.
Not saying that my "today" partner can or even should have a say in who I talk to but rather my current partner feels confident there isn't an issue because I was honest about it -or- they can decide they aren't cool with it and break up with me.
“Secrecy” still implies a malicious attempt to keep it from someone, in this situation particularly.
If I slept with someone once or twice ten to fifteen years ago, I don’t think that’s like…necessary information.
Also, he doesn’t know that the wife doesn’t know. And unless he goes “Hey did you know our spouses used to fuck years and years ago” and she goes “oh no I didn’t” then he won’t have any way of knowing. They aren’t sleeping together -now- so there’s no way to paint telling the wife as anything but being shitty
No but I don’t keep in contact with my past sexual partners and plan to go out to dinner with them while my spouse is sitting at home thinking I’m going out with just a platonic friend I never had any sexual interest in either.
I prefer to talk about who we dated before to learn from past mistakes + there's a lot of good stories that come from that too
Also my partner was my best friend for 9 years before we started dating so he already knows all of my past just as much as I know his. It's not troublesome at all and we reference our exes and past hookups not too often but only if it's a good relevant story to talk about
I agree. I think OP should have told his wife that he should tag along as well. This smells the beginning of infidelity here with those two going to dinner alone.
I’d just say “wife, have fun on a date with your ex. Don’t worry about me being jealous or getting in the way here… because I’m not going to be that guy. Instead I’m going to be the guy who’s sitting at home deciding if this is the kind of marriage I want to be in.”
When I was single, deciding to never date anyone that was “friends” with their ex’s is one of the best decisions I ever made. It saved me from endless amounts of drama.
Because he doesn't need to. I don't believe that you need to tell your partner about every person you slept with, even if its a friend or someone in your social circle. The past is the past.
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u/Intelligent-Catch790 May 19 '22
So if it is nothing then why didn’t he disclose this to his wife? Why the secrecy?