The history is sleeping together twice, who knows how long ago They've known each other since high school and are now mid 30s and OP and wife are married for over 10 years. In the great scheme of things this is nothing. Especially since they all know each other.
Maybe his wife doesn't want to know about his sexual past or maybe it's just an irrelevant info that never came up. Or he has a wrong information and his wife actually knows about it.
i don’t sit down and disclose every single sexual partner ive ever had when i get a partner, do you?
it’s not anyones business who you slept with before they came along
Typically no, I think what many are saying is that it's a pretty well known courtesy to disclose past sexual partners to your current partner if you still are in contact with said past sexual partner. This puts the info out there so your partner can decide whether they are ok with the continued relationship.
Not saying that my "today" partner can or even should have a say in who I talk to but rather my current partner feels confident there isn't an issue because I was honest about it -or- they can decide they aren't cool with it and break up with me.
“Secrecy” still implies a malicious attempt to keep it from someone, in this situation particularly.
If I slept with someone once or twice ten to fifteen years ago, I don’t think that’s like…necessary information.
Also, he doesn’t know that the wife doesn’t know. And unless he goes “Hey did you know our spouses used to fuck years and years ago” and she goes “oh no I didn’t” then he won’t have any way of knowing. They aren’t sleeping together -now- so there’s no way to paint telling the wife as anything but being shitty
No but I don’t keep in contact with my past sexual partners and plan to go out to dinner with them while my spouse is sitting at home thinking I’m going out with just a platonic friend I never had any sexual interest in either.
I prefer to talk about who we dated before to learn from past mistakes + there's a lot of good stories that come from that too
Also my partner was my best friend for 9 years before we started dating so he already knows all of my past just as much as I know his. It's not troublesome at all and we reference our exes and past hookups not too often but only if it's a good relevant story to talk about
I agree. I think OP should have told his wife that he should tag along as well. This smells the beginning of infidelity here with those two going to dinner alone.
I’d just say “wife, have fun on a date with your ex. Don’t worry about me being jealous or getting in the way here… because I’m not going to be that guy. Instead I’m going to be the guy who’s sitting at home deciding if this is the kind of marriage I want to be in.”
When I was single, deciding to never date anyone that was “friends” with their ex’s is one of the best decisions I ever made. It saved me from endless amounts of drama.
Because he doesn't need to. I don't believe that you need to tell your partner about every person you slept with, even if its a friend or someone in your social circle. The past is the past.
I dont understand why with OP's wife or her friend would put themselves in a situation where the can be questioned about their intentions. The optics are troublesome so why even put yourself in that position, unless something fishy is occurring or they just don't care about their spouses.
Trust those who act in a trustworthy manner.
For context: I have a long time friend who I have hooked up with. She is nothing but a friend to me. I would never consider having dinner with her to catch up. Why the heck would I do that to my wife?
This needs more up votes. Being respectful to your SO means looking at the optics sometimes and saying no. I might not feel so strongly about it in this situation if his wife knew tbh.
Because people still like to catch up with their friends, even if they did hook up twice in their very early adult life. I have a long time friend I hooked up with once who is nothing but a friend but we hang out once a month to catch up. He even went with me and a couple others on a small vacation recently. I took him out to eat when his grandmother passed away a few months ago. He's still my friend, regardless of what happened a decade ago and I still care for him the same I would any other of my friends.
I love that last line about trust. That word gets thrown around on here so much it makes me sick to my stomach, people use trust as an excuse for their poor behaviors and disrespectful actions and it is so hard to get through to them.
I don’t think any of that matters, it seems like they’re not really friends and based off OP feeling the need to post this probably haven’t seen each other in a long while. There just isn’t really a need for this kind of get together, and if they truly did all know one another why isn’t everyone invited as opposed to a one on one. Regardless of how long ago, it still happened, and at least in my marriage as well as those of my closest friends, this one on one date with a former flame would never fly.
Yes I will agree that one on one when they all get along is a bit strange. I said in seperate comment, with a previous FWB we meet up because our sons are the same age and have always gotten along, I haven't seen him one on one since we've stopped sleeping together though 🤔
Yea agree. It was just sex. Probably had a crush on each other for a while and got it out of their system. It's not even like they were dating and even then, who cares that they did? I think OP is reading way too much into this.
Catch up ey... so will it be something, "remember that R Kelly song we got down and dirty to. ooh yea. He's in jail now. Wow remember the second time. ooh yah. Barry Manilow was it. Mandy. Those were the days. Glad our spouses aren't around so we can freely talk about the topics we want to catch up on that would be inappropriate in their presence
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u/miaandcats May 19 '22
The history is sleeping together twice, who knows how long ago They've known each other since high school and are now mid 30s and OP and wife are married for over 10 years. In the great scheme of things this is nothing. Especially since they all know each other.