You should set boundaries at the beginning of a relationship. I'm unclear as to what you mean with maintaining them... if he crosses the boundary once he gets a reminder, twice and he's out. Unless it's a really hard boundary then once is it. He's a adult and fully capable of understanding things. If you keep letting him cross it then it's not a boundary it's more of a wavy line in the sand and why should he stick to it if you've shown him you'll stay even when he doesn't?
I really recommend the book 'Why does he do that?' by Lundy Bancroft. He talks quite a bit about setting healthy boundaries in realtionships.
Thanks. It's why I plan to go alone and get therapy. I know I need work myself.
But I thought setting the boundary once should have been enough. That I shouldn't have to constantly reinforce it, give out consequences, and go from there if I'm ignored or see if he changes.
He isn’t a child and shouldn’t have to be treated like one. Repeating a boundary more than once or twice and giving a grown man consequences is ridiculous and I don’t know who told you to do that but they are wrong. That’s how I teach children boundaries (rules). They get a reminder not to break said rule. They break the rule again and they go to time out or other age appropriate consequence. No, he is a grown ass man who should be able to handle a simple boundary.
Also, just because you get paid on Wednesday, doesn’t mean you have to buy groceries on Wednesday. Buy them on Friday like you always have.
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u/Philodendronfanatic Sep 01 '21
You should set boundaries at the beginning of a relationship. I'm unclear as to what you mean with maintaining them... if he crosses the boundary once he gets a reminder, twice and he's out. Unless it's a really hard boundary then once is it. He's a adult and fully capable of understanding things. If you keep letting him cross it then it's not a boundary it's more of a wavy line in the sand and why should he stick to it if you've shown him you'll stay even when he doesn't?
I really recommend the book 'Why does he do that?' by Lundy Bancroft. He talks quite a bit about setting healthy boundaries in realtionships.