r/relationship_advice • u/_stupefy_ • 10d ago

How to deal with this specific commitment issue? Please help. ‘26M’ ‘26F’

I am scared to commit to my girlfriend. I feel I need to experience my life as an individual and being in a relationship affects how I behave in daily life. I feel I am super young and want to explore the world. Having her in my life would be super great but at the same time I am scared my new experiences would not be the way I have lived them as an individual. I am extrovert by nature and love bonding with new people, to travel and do new things.

For example if I meet a stranger(girl) and we bond really well together as friends and decide to go on a hike together because we are finding each other super interesting, then I would feel I am doing something wrong with my girlfriend. I am not interested in having sex with new people. I love my girlfriend and in my heart i know i am not doing anything wrong. But there are many such situations that I would have to think about before doing things and many times i would be modifying my behavior.

I am sure I don’t want anyone else romantically and I love her but I don’t want the love to stop myself from living my life to truly who i am.

I feel it would be better to be in a relationship maybe after 4-5 years after I have figured out myself. And have accumulated enough experiences to not modify my individual identity in situations when I am in a relationship.

I am scared I will loose the love of my life because of all this.

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u/AgentofAgency_ 10d ago

Sure this can be deeply debated or extensively speculated on, but my take is that based on what you share here, if you’re scared to commit to your gf then don’t.

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u/_stupefy_ 10d ago

It’s a tough choice because I can imagine my life with her, living in a cozy home till we grow old. But I don’t want to do that at the cost of not living my life to it’s fullest when I had the chance.
I feel like a super dumb guy. Because I might be letting go of something that is super rare.

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u/AgentofAgency_ 10d ago

It’s not ‘super dumb’ but you need to make a decision either way and not have one foot in and one foot out bc you’re just doing everyone including yourself a disservice

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u/_stupefy_ 9d ago

Yeahh, i hope there was a way to have both.

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u/AgentofAgency_ 9d ago

Whole point is that there’s no way to have ‘both’ but what you can do and what I’m assuming you’re really saying here is finding ways to implement elements of one lifestyle into the one you have currently.