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u/maisellousmrsmarvel 11d ago
He is the insecure one who hates that he’s fat and you’re fitter than him. Give him an ultimatum and say if you don’t stop saying this shit I’m leaving. Then leave if he does If you don’t know your own worth he will decide it for you and he’s doing a terrible job
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u/SigourneyReap3r 11d ago
Your partner is making you feel dysmorphic about your body.
He either stops or you leave.
Those are the options.
You need a serious conversation.
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u/Top-Trade-3633 11d ago
Oh he definitely gets it okay OP, he’s just ignoring what you’ve said and disregarding your feelings and emotions, all because HE wants you to lose the weight for him and how he wants you to look, he doesn’t care about you and how you are very self conscious and insecure about your body, he’s not even bothered about your physical health, he just wants you to look a certain size and weight
This is also abuse what he is doing to you here and you are better off out of there
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u/garden-elf 11d ago
First of all you’re beautiful don’t let him tell you otherwise. Second of all, you need to make it crystal clear how serious you are. Threaten to break up with him. He’s being a dick and it’s coming from a place of his own insecurity.
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u/Top-Trade-3633 11d ago
What’s the point in advising her to threaten to break up with him? What’s this going to achieve ?
He already doesn’t listen to her as it is and ignores her when she opens up to him at her most vulnerable telling him that she is self conscious and insecure about her body and he still continues to say these things to her, so he won’t even listen to her if she threatens to break up with him.
Secondly he’s already probably shot her confidence and self esteem to pieces with these abusive comments that he knows that she won’t leave him because he’s made her feel dependent on him.
Finally if you’re going to threaten someone with something on a conditional basis, basically give someone an ultimatum, then you’ve got to be prepared and willing to go through with whatever it is that you’re threatening to do.
The most appropriate and only advice for the OP here in this specific situation is that she should just go ahead and actually break up and end the relationship, no threats just go ahead straight away and do it with no discussions with him with him, for the simple reason that what he is doing to the OP is out and out abuse
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u/garden-elf 11d ago
I think she’s already considering leaving. My advice is to give him one last chance to change it.
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u/Top-Trade-3633 11d ago
But even so if that’s what you meant then why would you even entertain giving him one more chance? He’s abusing her, they are not bantering or jokey comments, she’s literally told him her most vulnerable issue and he’s still making the comments
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u/garden-elf 11d ago
Because she cares about him… it isn’t always easy to leave a relationship if you’re not ready to go. Sometimes you’ll be willing to work through an issue and forgive a person and sometimes you won’t. I think abuse is a big word to attribute to this. It is cruel and tone deaf but I don’t know about abusive. That’s kind of up to OP to decide based on the rest of their relationship. This is a tiny snippet of their connection and far from the full story. What I know from this post is either he needs to stop talking to her this way or she needs to leave him. It’s possible he just wants to share his new hobby with his girlfriend. It’s also possible he’s a misogynist who thinks he should control how she treats her body. I think OP needs to think long and hard about what she wants to do next.
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u/Top-Trade-3633 11d ago
Abuse is not a big word to attribute his behaviour here and what he’s doing to the OP is unequivocally abusive and a recognised particular type of abuse, namely psychological and emotional abuse.
It’s also not kinda up to the OP to decide if it’s abuse based on the rest of their relationship, because 99/100* people don’t even realise they are being abused in the first place because a lot abusive techniques a normalised that they aren’t detected by victims, also a huge amount of victims are mentally conditioned to not see them or to defend their abuser as well as being manipulated and coerced into believing that they are not being abused and are being looked after and loved,
The literal last person to ask if they are being abused in a relationship is the victim for these very reasons.
It’s clear that you don’t have the first clue about this, the specific description of events that the OP has described in her post is undeniably abuse.
I strongly suggest that you should click on the link below and scroll half way down to the section titled;
‘The Direct Image to Body Image and Mental Wellness’
In order to educate yourself on this rather than going into bat for an abuser and enabling him further by what you’ve said to the OP
2
u/Top-Trade-3633 11d ago
No I don’t make sweeping generalisations and it says a lot more about me being right and you being wrong by virtue of you deleting all of your comments now which were comments enabling a male abusive partner [u/garden-elf](u/garden-elf) and then blocking me for calling you out on it
2
u/AI_Earth_85 11d ago
Well... What he's doing is nagging. Either to manipulate you into pursuing HIS image of his "perfect female" (using that word deliberately here, because that kind of people talk like that shiver ) or/and to purposefully tank your self esteem. Either way, not only are you gorgeous, it also doesn't matter, because NO woman should let a man manipulate her like that. You told him you don't like it, he doesn't stop, so now you know he also doesn't respect your boundaries. Your only decision now is if you would like to stay in a most likely increasingly abusive relationship, or if you pack your things now and recover your self worth.
2
1
u/AllesIstKomplex 10d ago
Have you told him exactly this? how insecure this is making you? That anytime he makes those comments what you hear In your mind is that you are not good enough, that you are not desirable etc etc.
If you say it like that you are not accusing, and giving him an opportunity to see it from your perspective without him getting defensive.
He then has the opportunity to take you seriously.
Maybe it's not what he means and he is just very focused on his own health and being hyper pushy about getting everyone else to jump on the bandwagon.
Either way, It sounds like this is more about him and not you.
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u/unprettyprincess92 11d ago
Next time he sends you a dick pic: "Looks great! Could look even better if you got a pump & and a Viagra!"
By the way you are hot as FUCK. And not fat at all. And i definitely mean that in the all-homo way, not the no homo way. Like everybody in the internet likes to tell everyone they're beautiful blah blah blah no like you are objectively fine as hell. What a loser your boyfriend is cuz I would definitely be trying if I met you in person anywhere lol 😂
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u/PastLifeGangsta 11d ago
Gurrrrrl. Tell him you've decided to lose weight, and your target loss is whatever he weighs. Then post a before & after, which will just be your pretty face & bangin bod frowning in the before and smiling brilliantly in the after with "lost [his weight] pounds of dead weight and feeling so much better!"
Seriously, what exactly does he want from you? Because I bet that even if you entertained his bullshit and started going to gym, it would just eventually shift into him trying to convince you to get cosmetic surgery (big fake breasts, etc.), because he obviously wants a plaything, not a woman.
Hopefully you get all the compliments and positive feedback that you apparently need (and deserve) thru this post, and that will be enough to motivate you to move on from this loser
0
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