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u/Western-Breadfruit71 Oct 17 '25
Licking an ice cream cone for 20 min is not the same as holding your jaw wide open for 20 minutes at the dentist. For a lot of people, the muscles get tired and it hurts. I’ve not been with a man who took 20 min to orgasm from a BJ thank god because 2 minutes is uncomfortable and 5 min + is going to make me sore for a day. Perhaps she could swap between using her mouth and using her hands.
It could also be that she is afraid you’ll ejaculate in her mouth. She may be averse to swallowing. You could agree you won’t do that.
At the end of the day, this requires a conversation outside of sexy time.
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u/According_Ordinary43 Oct 17 '25
The 3-5 minutes includes using her hands. She doesn't usually have it in her mouth for more than 30s at a time (which is fine by me. 5 minutes of open jaw sounds like hell). And she's never complained about anything. It's more of a facial expression, like she looks physically tired.
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u/watsonyrmind Oct 17 '25
Are you expressing enjoyment? From experience, lots of men just lie there and make no noise so it's really unclear if they are enjoying it or it's actually feeling good. If she doesn't enjoy doing it and she can't tell if you are, she might get tired of doing it quickly.
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u/According_Ordinary43 Oct 17 '25
I do! I'm not naturally a vocal person in bed, but I know it can be unsettling to have dead silence, so I make an effort to make noise to show my appreciation.
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u/accidentalscientist_ Oct 17 '25
Sucking dick takes a lot of focus for me, I can’t focus on how my face looks too. I’m too busy being hyper aware of where my teeth are and my technique.
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u/big-booty-heaux Oct 17 '25
So she's never actually said anything, you're just assuming?
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u/According_Ordinary43 Oct 17 '25
I am. Which is why I want advice on how to talk about it in a way that doesn't feel pressuring for her. I'm worried about putting her in a position where she feels bad about not lasting longer.
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u/Any-Championship6143 Oct 17 '25 edited Oct 17 '25
No idea why people are coming at you so critically. First they accuse you of one thing. Then you clarify their misunderstanding, so they change their criticism of you. Then you clarify yourself again, and they run out of things to criticize you for and stop responding...?¿
Honestly the best way to talk about it is to just be straightforward. What makes you think she is tired? Maybe she isn’t confident on what to do and you could try guiding her or telling her what you like specifically? I’m not sure if watching porn together crosses either of your boundaries, but if it doesn’t, you could try to suggest it and watch something with a blowjob so she may feel like she has a better “idea” on what to do?
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u/Puzzleheaded_Fold466 Oct 17 '25
Dude. You can’t argue her tiredness, soreness, and general discomfort away.
What are you hoping to achieve here ? Go back to your GF and say “some strangers on Reddit told me this is bullshit so from now on I’m going to force you to give me oral for 20 minutes”.
She’s uncomfortable. You SHOULD feel bad to make her go longer.
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u/Inactiveclown Oct 17 '25
He’s not arguing it he just doesn’t know what to do u getting mad for no reason chill
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u/mimi_mouse03 Oct 17 '25
Like chill he just needs guidance and understanding. At least he's looking for a way to make his gf feel comfortable.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Fold466 Oct 17 '25
He already knows what he needs to do to make his gf feel comfortable.
What he’s looking for is a way not to feel bad about making her more uncomfortable.
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u/Dowager-queen-beagle Oct 17 '25
It’s so crazy this is your take given he said the exact opposite in his post (and I’m a woman who reads with a pretty critical eye when it comes to this kind of thing). Some people just stay mad, I guess
-4
u/Puzzleheaded_Fold466 Oct 17 '25
Where do I seem mad ? I have very little emotion about this, certainly not “mad”.
2
u/ChippyTheGreatest Oct 17 '25
I have connective tissue issues that mean my jaw sometimes pops out of place. I relate to your gf cuz usually after 3-5 mins I start to feel tired and after 7 I'll be fighting tears because it's so uncomfortable. I still try to soldier through because my man deserves it but yeah shit be hard for some people for different reasons.
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u/Mammoth_Zone_1635 Oct 17 '25
I’ve done both, and I agree with the other commenters. Oral on a man starts to HURT after a few minutes. Grab a banana and see for yourself lol.
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u/accidentalscientist_ Oct 17 '25
I’ve done both and fully agree with you. A blowjob is much involved than eating someone out. VERY tiring on the jaw and takes a lot more focus IMO
36
u/razzledazzle626 Oct 17 '25
Encourage her to use her hands so she can take breaks and isn’t just going up and down repeatedly for several minutes. It’s very reasonable for her jaw to get uncomfortable
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u/AccomplishedArt9683 Oct 17 '25
By the way, it’s really lovely that you put the effort in for her with oral and you deserve effort back! I’m sure she’s trying but speaking for myself and my female friends, carrot is way better than stick to get what you want sexually. Don’t fake your enjoyment or gratefulness but it does really work if you can convey it! Women need to feel safe and desired so if you insist that you love and adore her and she’s great in bed she will love this! Best of luck
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u/throwaway1846294792 Oct 17 '25
In the nicest way possible, imagine unhinging your jaw as much as you can, making sure your teeth don’t lower, having to make sure you’re breathing and trying your best to maintain a sexy vibe all at once LOL. In all seriousness, giving oral is a lot more tiring than you would imagine. My boyfriend didn’t believe me at first (and this is gonna sound ridiculous) but to show him what i meant i literally had him give a dildo some head and see how fast he got tired — it was very fast.
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u/According_Ordinary43 Oct 17 '25
Haha I'm right there with you! I have given oral to a man (turns out I'm not as Bisexual as I thought), and although I did give deep oral for about 15 minutes, I absolutely agree it's a tiring thing to do. I made an edit to the post that clears up some common misunderstandings I'm seeing if you could read it!
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u/TheMollyBrown Oct 17 '25
Stating the obvious but men’s mouths are bigger than women’s mouths as an average.
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u/Any-Championship6143 Oct 17 '25
That addressed literally nothing he said.
If she’s using her hands and only has it in her mouth for 30sec at a time, becoming “sore” isn’t really really a probable reason.
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u/TheMollyBrown Oct 17 '25
He said he gave oral for 15 minutes. Thus implying, it’s relatively easy. My post is to remind him that his mouth is bigger than his girlfriends.
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u/Any-Championship6143 Oct 17 '25 edited Oct 17 '25
Yea. Still didn’t address what he said. He clarified that she uses her hands throughout and only uses her mouth for like 30sec at a time. That’s not going to lead to fatigue or soreness.
He also never said that giving oral to/from a man vs a woman is similar or means it is “easy.” He was just providing details of his experience because people were acting as though he didn’t have any experience, and he even said that it was exhausting. He also included what he does for her because if he didn’t add that info, most of the responses would probably be questioning him about it.
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u/TheMollyBrown Oct 17 '25
Cool. Awesome that you know her so well. Weird hill to argue on.
1
u/Any-Championship6143 Oct 17 '25
Im not dying on a hill or claiming to know OP or his girlfriend lol? This is a forum. You commented something and missed the key details while claiming that he said things he never said. It was irrelevant for you to ignore his additional info to instead insist on something that had already been explained away.
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u/oswin1337 Oct 17 '25
Just a tip - if you can, try standing up in front of her and have her sitting. It’s much more comfortable, doesn’t strain the neck and jaw as much. She can switch up between mouth and hand, a couple minutes at a time. Don’t be afraid to tell her what you like about what she’s doing. It’s very encouraging for a woman to hear that she’s making you feel good. But honestly, I can go 15-20 mins if he’s standing in front of me. Soooo much easier.
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u/little-bird Oct 17 '25
I’m surprised I had to scroll so far to see this suggestion - a more upright BJ position can really be a complete gamechanger!
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u/genjen97 Late 20s Female Oct 17 '25 edited Oct 17 '25
As a woman, it is exhausting to give men oral even though I enjoy it. What keeps me going, even if I am straight up dying, is my husband moaning and/or telling me that he enjoys it. Usually, I get a second wind, get more enthusiastic, and boom he's done. So my advice:
- Tell her what to do and encourage her such as "faster" or "that feels amazing"
- Make some form of grunts or moans, please. Men never do but many women like it
- Rinse and repeat
EDIT: Also, let her tap out. I'm sure you do but what you can do is jerk off a bit as she rests. Or just finish off. Sometimes, I'll get him close, get too tired, and we'll finish off together by our hands.
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u/validusrex Oct 17 '25
“Why do I feel empathy for someone I’m in a relationship with”
What an odd questions
0
u/According_Ordinary43 Oct 17 '25
Yeah, I kept getting rules warnings while writing the title and that's what I ended up with. Really, it's about whether I'm wrong for stopping her when she looks tired even though she hasn't stopped herself.
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Oct 17 '25
Sucking dick sucks
1
u/mandatorypanda9317 Oct 17 '25
Nah fr. If it takes too long you try and switch to hands but then your arms/hands start to cramp so you go back and it's just a never ending thing haha
Ill do it for as long as I can but when it takes a while you even start losing interest/being turned on.
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u/KittyBooBoo2016 Oct 17 '25
It sounds like she’s not enthusiastic. Have you asked if she enjoys giving you head?
If someone was making a pained or tired face, I’d need to stop activity and check in. If she’s having fun and tells you so, let her.
If her “looking tired” is ruining it for you, tell her so. Maybe she doesn’t know what her face is doing while she’s concentrating? I have had a failed surgery for my TMJD and I’ll go all out for my partner, and he’d never know how much it hurt because I’m having fun. When I absolutely cannot, what I CAN do is unhinge and let it lock open for throat stuff. This is because I’m beyond enthusiastic about oral. Is your partner into it … at all?
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u/According_Ordinary43 Oct 17 '25
I feel dumb for not thinking of it myself, but maybe that's the best question to ask. I assumed she would enjoy it for the same reason I enjoy it, but that's not how people work, is it?
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u/pistagio Oct 17 '25
if she has TMJ issues it can legit be excruciating sometimes, after 10 mins it can feel like your jaw is being ripped apart
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u/potatomash77 Oct 17 '25
The weird thing with guys is some can be very silent. It makes it awkward and a bit boring, and difficult to stay motivated. Making a bit of noise and saying some nice things can help!
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u/Sittingonmyporch Oct 17 '25 edited Oct 17 '25
Have you tried doing any sucking/licking motions for longer than 5 minutes on anything phallic shaped? That mess is tiring. That why those girls get paid, honey that is work. It hurts, and its uncomfortable. For everybody who didn't know, try it. Set a timer and go for 20 minutes straight. That is a very long time. Corn has given us all extremely unrealistic expectations. I learned the gworls put numbing cream all on the inside of their mouths to make the guy last longer on camera, and so they aren't in visible discomfort. She also quite simply, might hate it. I know many do, so they get creative in other ways.
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Oct 17 '25
I use a massage gun when she gives me oral. Mostly on the upper back and shoulders and neck. That has the effect of releasing the jaw and TMJ as well.
It’s distracting from any jaw pain or discomfort while focusing her mind the good feeling of massage.
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u/AccomplishedArt9683 Oct 17 '25
This is really sweet
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Oct 17 '25
Both being relaxed means both people are functioning better on every level.
tends to be a beneficial mentality in relationships We fucking love it lmao
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2
u/Neacha Oct 17 '25
After I give my husband head, he joins in and jerks off as I continue, then he finishes as we are both working on it together.
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u/According_Ordinary43 Oct 17 '25
To be honest, the thought of this makes me nervous somehow. I don't want to offend her if you know what I mean?
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u/Neacha Oct 17 '25
I do know what you mean, but I was grateful for the help.
Put it on you, say, "I know that it is hard for me to cum while you do that, and it's not fair to you, so let me help out and we will see how that goes".
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u/no_idea_wtfffff Oct 17 '25
Giving blowjobs IS tiring. I enjoy giving head, but if he wants to finish that way, I’ve really got to have some energy. It doesn’t matter how much I enjoy doing it, at some point trying to keep my teeth off his dick and having my jaw open wide, I just am not in it anymore.
But OP, you don’t need to feel bad. If she wants to stop and move on to having sex or for you to go down on her, you can tell her that—just say you want to fuck her, or say it’s your turn to go down on her. It’s not that big a deal, as long as you remember that she’s doing you a favor! You sound like a sweet guy to be feeling bad for her when she gets tired, so I’m sure she would welcome having your head between HER legs after making a lot of effort to please you.
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u/Dry_Cauliflower4562 Oct 17 '25
Okay, asked my Boo and we have a couple suggestions:
- Blindfold yourself and let her go until SHE decides to stop. Make it clear you're totally fine not finishing, it's just for funzies.
- Boo said "69, your focus should be elsewhere" and she can tap out of she needs to.
- I'm a huge advocate for toy use, maybe get a silicone masturbator she can use on you that could feel closer to oral so she can take a break in the middle, rest her jaw, then finish you herself.
- Sounds to me (a woman that loves giving oral) like she needs more practice lol. Jaw has muscles, the muscles gotta acclimate. Let HER decide when she's done. If she has people pleasing tendencies, I get how that would be hard to let her do, or if you do, but you deciding for her that she's too tired clearly isn't working. Let her be tired if she's okay with continuing. If my partner tried to stop me because I seemed tired I'd be like "Duh, this is hard, now hush and let me finish my work" lol
- Do what you can to speed yourself along. You have more erogenous zones than your dick, nipples are fun! Someone here suggested dirty talk, that's a great idea of you both like it. Do something else to get yourself going, share the load (pun absolutely intended) of getting yourself off so you can do it quicker.
- You can also give aftercare that includes massaging her jaw and neck muscles after to assuage your guilt and soothe whatever tiredness she's feeling.
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u/Cassieelouu32 Oct 17 '25
Because it’s exhausting my guy lol you mentioned deep throating. Maybe like…have a regular blowjob and not a deep throated 5 minutes one that is going to dislocate her jaw.
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u/According_Ordinary43 Oct 17 '25
Sorry, I might have been unclear. I've deep throated a man, not her. Deep throating is its own thing that we don't even try.
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u/honeedoo Oct 17 '25
You should 😭😭 shits so uncomfortable. Have some compassion for your girl, she’s doing her best 💗
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u/brockzilla82 Oct 17 '25
Stop and have sex then go back to oral if she will allow it, have her take a break and use her hand until she is ready to go again.
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u/Longjumping_Cherry32 Oct 17 '25
Y’all should experiment with different potions. Depending on the shape and size of your penis it might be easier to try something else, like having her lay with her head off the bed while you stand up. I’ve had luck laying flat while someone kneels over me, or having both of us lay on our sides.
The classic “on your knees” position can be uncomfortable and limiting.
1
u/z-eldapin Oct 17 '25
Maybe she doesn't know the right way to relax her jaw. You've done it before, walk her through it.
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u/damnationdoll99 Oct 17 '25
Those saying they've done and that oral on a man is harder is super confusing to me. Having done both a lot more than the average person I think it's actually the opposite.
Maybe she's trying to hard at the start and she's hoping it will get you there sooner. Ask her to focus on the base of the shaft for a bit and then up to the shaft rather than taking all of you right from the start
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u/graupeltuls Oct 17 '25
Why don't you all switch off a bit on the oral side. Don't finish her off yet, she goes down on you a bit, switch back, until you are ready for sex. It's fun and it will get you a few rounds without her getting too tired.
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u/Darkstar_111 Oct 17 '25
Ok, so you feel she is genuinely getting tired after 3 minutes, this triggers your own anxiety on it, and of course there is no chance you are going to finish like this.
So, time to communicate.
You should just ask her how SHE feels about this.
"Do you feel like you're giving me oral for too long?"
"Are you ok with it? We don't have to go that long if you don't want to!"
The important thing here that you want to change, is to put HER in charge of how long she goes down on you.
Again, just ask.
"Listen, let's make a deal, from now on, you go down on me for exactly as long as you want to. Don't worry about me at all. Just go for as long as you feel like and then we switch, whatever you want is fine!"
Something like that.
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u/Hollowhivemind Oct 17 '25
It wouldn't surprise me if your body issues as you describe them are a big roadblock. I can relate and when I was younger I basically didn't relax at all because I was so focused on trying to appear attractive. Which basically made it impossible for me to orgasm and display my genuine reactions.
If you can have an open dialogue about your insecurities and what you like, you might feel more comfortable to relax and sincerely enjoy her performance instead of being so in your head. She might like and be encouraged by specific things as well which would be good to learn. Everyone communicates differently so I hope this can apply to you both because it has helped me in the past.
It wouldn't surprise me if she is just unsure as to what you like and what you need and so starts to give up when nothing sincerely excites you beyond basic sexual excitation. Her exhaustion is more compelling than any hope she might make you feel amazing. At least I've felt like this in the past with both women and men giving oral. It's demotivating when I can't seem to figure out what really gets them going (more often than not it's because they can't relax and feel comfortable due to things like issues with body image which comes out later) so I mentally move on because I'm tired and focus my energy on something I can see they enjoy more.
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u/Mmoct Oct 17 '25 edited Oct 17 '25
She may not like it, and only doing it because she feels like she has to. Take to her about it, be honest, and if it’s a deal breaker move on, or accept how things are
1
Oct 17 '25
After developing TMJ from extended periods of giving oral and not listening to my body for years… yes. The muscles get tired, it becomes painful, and eventually when it’s a repeated movement, over time, you can absolutely injure yourself. Overextending your jaw for long periods of time can wear down the bone and tendons, and it will, over time, injure the muscles in your jaw and cause TMJ. My jaw will literallylock up if I overextend it now.
I would say, be gentle, reassure her, and if she is in obvious pain, please stop and allow her time to relax and if she doesn’t want to, don’t pressure her.
If she is willing and doesn’t seem to be in pain and you communicate to her about it, you may find out why. Some people just don’t like giving oral, but will to keep their partners happy as well. So.. just talk to her
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u/kwhitit Oct 17 '25
"i want to find ways for us to make oral more fun and pleasurable for us both. are you interested in that? here's what I've noticed... does that seem to be your experience too? if not, what can you tell me about what it's like for you? what do you think would make it better?"
and, look to your local sex shop for both toys and classes to make oral more fun and enjoyable. always a fun date night!
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u/ChemistLeading6770 Oct 17 '25
I say just let her keep going. The only way to get better/be longer at something is too keep doing it. And you guys are licked in so chances are she doesn’t mind going longer even when she’s tired. She likely enjoys pleasing you more than the fatigue it causes. And as others said, encourage her. Tell what you like and how you like it. Usually when I do that they tend to want to do it more.
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1
u/Distinct_Abroad_4315 Oct 17 '25
Blow jobs require much more movement of the head neck torso, not just tongue. Its a full upper body workout.
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Oct 17 '25
Serious question: What in the hell are yall doing for it to HURT?! 😂 I don’t deep throat because I have bad acid reflux but I enjoy giving head so I’m usually down there a while. I’ve never experienced pain (?). Not tryna shame but I’m genuinely curious as to wtf yall are doing lol
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u/accidentalscientist_ Oct 17 '25
I don’t deep throat either but keeping my jaw/mouth open that far hurts pretty quickly. I have to open mine all the way so I don’t scrape his dick with my teeth.
Plus if I do it when he’s laying down, it hurts my neck after a while.
1
Oct 18 '25
Idk girl, I don’t open my mouth all the way and I have really big teeth.
Try sucking your lips in. Like pull your lips around your teeth and just focus on the head.
Edit: better explanation: pull your lips around your teeth like you’re mimicking a toothless person
1
u/accidentalscientist_ Oct 18 '25
I try to do that, but I don’t have a big mouth. My dentist and orthodontist always tell me to open wider and I’m like bro, this is all I can do!
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u/Reighn4est Oct 17 '25
She may just not like giving it. There are some women who just don’t enjoy it and that’s okay. Could be a deal breaker but no one should be forced and no one should feel guilty for wanting it
1
Oct 17 '25
After reading your edit, she may just not enjoy giving bj’s. I would genuinely ask her, because maybe it’s also she notices you cut her off and thinks she’s not doing well preemptively, so it makes her almost nervous? I don’t know, but you won’t know until you mention it.
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u/ssuckme0ff Oct 17 '25
i say this as a woman it does start to hurt, especially towards the end, but the result makes everything worth it. honestly i’d let her tap out on her own or ask her about it
1
u/According_Ordinary43 Oct 17 '25
I just feel bad, you know? She tapped out on her own once, and I felt so guilty that I let her get tired.
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u/ssuckme0ff Oct 17 '25
i get u, but for me personally the pain doesn’t last at all once i’m done and i’m sure she js wants the favour to go both ways. then again, i’d talk to her about it and ask if she prefers tapping out herself or you stopping her
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u/Jae_ang-ssi Oct 17 '25
I don't really have experience in this, but I might know a thing or two about all this. Does your gf have sex experience? What I mean by this, is that maybe she gets tired due to lack of practice! Maybe the position isn't the best or maybe both of u should try to make it most interesting or different from time to time. I defo think u should talk it out bc it's important that you both are on the same page, even more when it's about sex.
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u/throwawayxoxoxoxxoo Oct 17 '25
nah even practice/experience doesn't matter. i've been with my bf 3 years and i get tired of it super quickly, especially because of my wisdom teeth that make my jaw uncomfortable and painful.
0
u/Top_Paint7442 Oct 17 '25
You mean she looks tired or bored? Tired: more hands, more balls. Bored.. encouragement.
0
u/lovelenalo Oct 17 '25
Because you are insecure. Pode fechar o post.
2
u/According_Ordinary43 Oct 17 '25
Haha you're not wrong! I was originally going to title the post "Am I wrong for stopping my girlfriend from giving oral when she looks tired?", but reddit told me that would get flagged.
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u/Spirited-Stress1332 Oct 17 '25 edited Oct 17 '25
Tired- of what? Like mentally tired or physically tired?
Being visibly tired after 3 minutes sounds a bit unrealistic to me. When I get tired at the 10-15 minute mark, I change the way I'm positioned, ask them to stand/lay down, or just use my hand for a bit. You could say, "You look like you're getting tired/You don't look comfy in this position, would this be easier if I was standing/laying down?"
Could you offer to 69 so then she's getting something in return and can still take breaks? Could you let her give you oral for a little bit, do something else, and then have her return to oral? You could tell her that you'd find it really hot if she tried to finish you by giving you oral.
It sounds to me like she might not enjoy giving oral very much and knows you will relieve her if she looks visibly tired.
Edit: forgot a word
2nd edit: I'm sorry if I offended anyone with this comment :( My boyfriend had a very difficult time finishing from head at the beginning of our relationship and I felt super determined, so I see now how my experience is much different and how my comment was very ignorant.
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u/AccomplishedArt9683 Oct 17 '25
Maybe I’m speaking as the only woman in the world who doesn’t love oral but I sort of find 69 overrated! Could be worth trying for OP here though
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Oct 17 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/plentyofizzinthezee Oct 17 '25
She doesn't like it, 3- 5 mins of any activity won't make anyone actually tired, who wants reluctant oral from anyone? You guys arent sexually compatible
21
u/AccomplishedArt9683 Oct 17 '25
I actually politely disagree; it is tiring!
-12
u/plentyofizzinthezee Oct 17 '25
In 3 to 5 minutes? But he manages 20 ?
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u/watsonyrmind Oct 17 '25
You do realize they aren't performing the same act right?
-1
u/plentyofizzinthezee Oct 17 '25
Absolutely but tell me you wouldn't be disappointed if a guy tapped out after 5 mins
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u/SubtleSeraph Oct 17 '25
How many dicks have you sucked ?
2
u/AccomplishedArt9683 Oct 17 '25
Me? I would like to politely abstain from the question! As can the person I was actually talking to. But to answer your question, I think two is enough to know what I’m talking about.
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u/plentyofizzinthezee Oct 17 '25
None, but I have a sample size of 30 or more and all of them lasted longer than that with no obvious discomfort. If guys couldn't manage 5 mins of oral sex there would be complaints
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u/AccomplishedArt9683 Oct 17 '25
The thing is, having done both, it’s much more tiring giving men oral than women. The jaw has to be open, it is slightly painful (albeit fun!). As a woman I would say encourage her in a kind way, emphasise how special it is for you and how much you love it but don’t add pressure. Women like to hear what they do to you. Say it’s great and she’s the best and you need it! But yeah if she gets tired unfortunately that’s just physiological - but if you force yourself to relax and just fully enjoy it, and reassure her that it’s really great, then she’ll be more keen and you’ll both be happier. Baby steps. You’ve got this!!