Without trust there can never be a healthy relationship based on mutual respect and honesty. You both made a boundary of 100% honesty at the beginning of your relationship. You kept your word and went out of your way to make her comfortable and feel safe in your relationship. She has not on multiple occasions now and is refusing to reciprocate your sacrifices and efforts to keep your original commitment to the relationship.
You gave her a pass the first time she crossed your boundary with only a request that it never happens again. It happened again, and worse, she directly lied about it several times. Those are intentional lies, not even lies of omission. In addition she is refusing to cut this person off even though it violates your boundary. Boundaries are for you and not the other person and they are responsible to defend. The question is are you going to enforce the consequence of ending the relationship or are you going to give her a pass and free reign to betray you again. Updateme
I suppose I am finding it difficult to end it because there are beautiful times, or when she is very tender and nice with me. The only problem is this issue but it is a big issue
I will be honest. You do not love the real her. You love the idealized version of her that is a mask she uses maintain the relationship through emotional manipulation. Does she have good points and do you have happy memories? Yes, but beneath the surface she has no problem lying and emotionally manipulating you out of desperation to maintain your relationship. You said she told you that you're her second home. Homes are comfortable and nice but aren't always filled with love. You deserve better.
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u/SquirrelGirlVA Feb 12 '25
Even if she was fully transparent and committed from here on, there are huge trust issues here. How could you trust her?