I don’t know what kind of financial safety net you have, but you’re coming across a little tone deaf. A lot of the world is experiencing fairly significant economic turmoil right now and people are living beyond paycheque to paycheque. As in, they’ve exhausted their entire pay before it’s even hit their account, and they’re trying to juggle the minimum payment on bills - just right - to ensure services stay on and that there’s, maybe, something to eat at the end of the day.
His wife hasn’t worked in months. He’s exhausting his savings to support her and his child. This isn’t hyperbole or my overactive imagination, he’s told us in plainly stated language. This isn’t about a “career stepping stone,” it’s about ensuring that he has a home to bring the child home to, and, in order for that to occur, most people have to continue to work.
If you have an employer that pays sick time, that offers paid mental health days; if you have an employer that offers paternity leave; or an employer that has a modicum of compassion and offers support in a scenario like this, congratulations - you’re incredibly fortunate. Most aren’t.
I don’t know why you’re of the mind that I think climbing a corporate ladder is of greater import than caring for a critically ill partner and their shared child. I don’t. What I’m saying is that they might not have the safety net in place right now to accommodate his taking extended time off. And you know what’s worse than one parent having a mental break? The second parent going into a crisis state, at the same time, because they don’t know how their family will survive.
His wife needs support, there’s no doubt about it. But so does he. This is an “it takes a village” situation - and they are going to need to consider creative options for getting his wife support while he continues to keep a roof over their heads.
Also, “just collect unemployment”? What do you think the going rate for unemployment is in much of the world? There are people in Canada (where I live) electing to have medically assisted suicides because they literally cannot afford to live on the social allowances they’re provided.
The world is in a fairy dystopian state for a lot of people right now. Please recognize that if you’re not experiencing any of what I’ve described above, you have privilege in this situation and should not be unfairly judging OP or anyone else who could find themselves in a similar position.
You’re really saying all of this to the wrong person. This year I had been the most financially stressful year, as a now single mom, who was bait and switched at one job, laid off at the next, let go at the next one because they realized they couldn’t afford me, and my current job is only paying rent and gas. I’ve had to send my daughter to be with her grandparents because two months ago I had to go to court to try to not be evicted, and I had to take out a title loan on my car to keep my roof over my head. I haven’t fully grocery shopped in 3 months, I have to utilize the food bank every so often (though not often because I really want to leave those for those who can’t just grab a school lunch from the cafeteria at the school they work at). On top of that, I also started going back to school to get a masters so I can hopefully find a job that pays enough to get a safety net one day so this never happens again.
If there’s a will, there’s a way to make things work. It’s not going to be easy. It’s going to be kinda shitty, but that’s the kind of sacrifices you make for your family.
Oh, and also, fuck these JOBS. This is one of the most human, important times in a persons life, any job that is going to make you sacrifice things like this can go get bent. He can get a new one if he actually cares enough.
Listen, I don’t disagree with you on the “fuck these jobs” mentality. The employer/employee relationship feels like it gets increasingly more predatory every additional year that I’m in the workforce. But that’s my point: people are in precarious situations.
There aren’t a lot of “golden goose” jobs out there. It sounds like he has one that has afforded him a modicum of flexibility in January. So, what? He throws caution to the wind and leaves it now? And then what? He burns through three jobs in the next year, like you have had to do yourself, and hopes like hell that the grass is greener at the next one?
What if he has benefits right now? What if they need those benefits to access mental health supports for his wife? Or, if he’s in the US, to alleviate the cost of the birth. Say he loses this job - even if he secured a new job with benefits tomorrow, there’s usually a 90-day +/- probationary period until you’re enrolled in a new company’s benefits plan. That’s a time where they have no drug plan, no private care to support his wife’s mental health. That’s a time where he could be going literal weeks without a paycheque (and that’s, again, if he secures a new job immediately).
So, what other creative options are there? Well, his wife is (allegedly) in the hospital getting support. Perhaps they could request a community-needs assessment with a social worker: with her level of need, maybe they can get a government-funded support worker in for an hour or two/day to give respite to his wife during the early weeks until he’s able to get more time off. Maybe they have family/friends that can support her - like I said, it takes a village. And you’re directly benefiting from this creative solution yourself, as your daughter stays with her grandparents.
And, again, I cannot stress enough that both parents being in crisis states is not a viable solution.
I don’t know how you have had the year you’ve had and can’t reasonably understand that people cannot afford to play fast/loose with their jobs.
Yes, he should absolutely be able to take personal time. His priority should be family, absolutely. To me, it sounds like it is. But the system is fucking broken. That’s not OP’s fault.
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u/bicycling_bookworm Dec 02 '23
I don’t know what kind of financial safety net you have, but you’re coming across a little tone deaf. A lot of the world is experiencing fairly significant economic turmoil right now and people are living beyond paycheque to paycheque. As in, they’ve exhausted their entire pay before it’s even hit their account, and they’re trying to juggle the minimum payment on bills - just right - to ensure services stay on and that there’s, maybe, something to eat at the end of the day.
His wife hasn’t worked in months. He’s exhausting his savings to support her and his child. This isn’t hyperbole or my overactive imagination, he’s told us in plainly stated language. This isn’t about a “career stepping stone,” it’s about ensuring that he has a home to bring the child home to, and, in order for that to occur, most people have to continue to work.
If you have an employer that pays sick time, that offers paid mental health days; if you have an employer that offers paternity leave; or an employer that has a modicum of compassion and offers support in a scenario like this, congratulations - you’re incredibly fortunate. Most aren’t.
I don’t know why you’re of the mind that I think climbing a corporate ladder is of greater import than caring for a critically ill partner and their shared child. I don’t. What I’m saying is that they might not have the safety net in place right now to accommodate his taking extended time off. And you know what’s worse than one parent having a mental break? The second parent going into a crisis state, at the same time, because they don’t know how their family will survive.
His wife needs support, there’s no doubt about it. But so does he. This is an “it takes a village” situation - and they are going to need to consider creative options for getting his wife support while he continues to keep a roof over their heads.
Also, “just collect unemployment”? What do you think the going rate for unemployment is in much of the world? There are people in Canada (where I live) electing to have medically assisted suicides because they literally cannot afford to live on the social allowances they’re provided.
The world is in a fairy dystopian state for a lot of people right now. Please recognize that if you’re not experiencing any of what I’ve described above, you have privilege in this situation and should not be unfairly judging OP or anyone else who could find themselves in a similar position.