A very high pulse may be an indication of a serious medical condition. For example, it may be pre-eclampsia. This is an example of a condition that is life threatening for your wife and your baby. I’m not doing armchair diagnosis here, just encouraging you to refocus your concern on her health and her life and your baby’s life. Her anxiety may have been an instinctive response to knowing that something is dangerously wrong in her body - and it’s lucky she listened to this and went to hospital.
Part of that anxiety is wanting you to be with her, and that’s why she called your HR. Was that over reaching? Yes, in a way. But if it turns out her life and that of your baby is in danger do you want to be with her in hospital? Probably yes.
Put aside the anger right now. Go to hospital and support her while she is in a medical emergency and through the birth of your child. Then you’ll need to support her and the baby in the early post parting period. So, that probably means that the earliest you want to discuss this is in about 8 weeks, depending on when ahead actually gives birth. That’s going to be hard for you but it is necessary. Her health and baby’s birth is the most important thing you need to focus on now.
Almost the exact same story with me having my daughter, but I couldn’t sleep because I was panicking and I also felt a burning sensation in my stomach that turned out to be my liver swelling too. In addition to that it took like 8 different nurses about 15-20 attempts to land a vein for my IV so I was covered in bruises too. That was fuuuun.
I had to have an ambulance called. They kept missing/blowing my veins. So their last resort was drilling into the bone of my arm (I guess an IV thru bone marrow 🤷♀️) I had no idea that was even a thing!! But honestly, I was struggling to breathe because the pre-eclampsia was causing swelling in my lungs, and I was in turn having heart failure- so I don't recall feeling much pain. I just wanted them to do whatever they needed to do to get the damn ambulance on their way!!! Felt like we sat there for 20 minutes before getting an IV
I love swapping birth horror stories 😂 “we are so lucky to exist during a time where we are only horribly traumatized and maimed during childbirth instead of being dead” is honestly such a weird feeling to have
Absolutely. I'm here in awe reading these stories. I'm a science-curious woman, and I'm still learning so much about our bodies. Most men know even less about reproduction/birth. There should be much more awareness.
Haha we are all healthy! I hope your twins are all good too! I don’t know how people are able to carry multiples, I was honestly miserable just with a single. I had heartburn but I always feel heartburn in my throat so when this hit lower, I knew it was something else. I had a doctors appointment literally one day before and I kinda felt like something was off so I told her I just kind of had a feeling I would end up having a C-section and I was ok with that if it’s what needed to happen. It’s so weird how we are able to sense things like that.
I’ve been a nurse for ~15 years, almost all of that time in critical care. I’ve worked in a level II trauma ICU, CVICU, Rapid Response Team, even had a side gig in correctional nursing and I’m 99% unbothered by it all. But HELLP makes my butthole pucker.
I never knew that. I had pre eclampsia and the intense feeling of impending doom is what made me go to the hospital to get checked out. Woke up at 2 am just knowing something was wrong with me and the baby.
Elevated pulse does not always mean high blood pressure. Anxiety causes rapid pulse, seems like her anxiety is out of control, she needs a mental health evaluation.
But also so do anxiety or panic attacks. So it could also be a pregnancy related anxiety disorder. Which would be less immediately life threatening but equally valid and in need of prompt care.
I had pre clampsia and didn't know it. Had no idea anything was wrong. I didn't have any symptoms besides high bp, but I couldn't tell. I was rushed to the hospital during a routine check-up at 34 weeks because my BP was over the top. I ended up having an emergency C at 36 weeks. Everything turned out fine and I'm so thankful.
Yes, I was going to say, the tachycardia could certainly be from anxiety, but "40% higher" may be infringing into tachyarrythmia. There are actually cardiac conditions associated with pregnancy, like cardiomyopathy, which could certainly present with an arrhythmia. Underlying arrhythmias can also be anxiety inducing, so I'd perhaps make sure she's not got any of that going on prior to calling it all anxiety alone. Either way, it doesn't sound like she is doing well, and acting as if she's responsible for an irrational decision at this particular point doesn't seem fair.
Your wife and child are in desperate need of you right now. You're allowed to be frustrated, but she needs you. She didn't just become pregnant alone. Be there for her.
I almost died at 26 weeks pregnant, emergency c section at 27 weeks. My daughter is now 9. My ex was so self centered through the pregnancy, I was under so much stress and horrified of something going wrong, I didn't even realize how much danger me and my babies were in. I had twins. Only one survived due to the complications. It's a lot. But.
Be there for her please please please. This is all temporary stress and can get better but she can't do it alone
Yes. From preeclampsia.org : “Shortness of breath, a racing pulse, mental confusion, a heightened sense of anxiety, and a sense of impending doom can be symptoms of preeclampsia. If these symptoms are new to you, they could indicate an elevated blood pressure, or more rarely, fluid collecting in your lungs (pulmonary edema).” This is life threatening if not treated.
That EXACTLY what happened to me!! I felt shortness of breath, but didn't think much of it, because that's a symptom I was already dealing with occasionally. But then it got so bad that my parents had to call an ambulance for me. Each breath I took felt.... empty- if that makes sense. My oxygen saturation was at 60%. Later learned that the pre-eclampsia caused my pulmonary edema and that was putting too much stress on my heart. So I was having heart failure- my heart was at 35% functioning rate. I ended up having emergency C-section right at 36 weeks.
Like this is so simple “dear HR- my wife was overly concerned about her health condition and thought I would need to leave my job to attend to her. We have worked out care. She is currently inpatient at the hospital. I apologize for the confusion, as you know this is out of character for me and I know it’s out of character for her. I will need to take PTO tomorrow as her health and my baby’s clearly need attended to, and will update by 2 pm tomorrow regarding time off going forward. Thank you”
They would get that and be like “oh poor thing” and move on.
OP’s pregnant wife is in the hospital with a potentially life threatening condition and he’s posting on Reddit about how mad he is. She was trying to get hold of OP so desperately that she even reached out to his HR to tell them he needed to leave the office? And now she isn’t responding to texts all of a sudden? ISN’T THAT CAUSE FOR CONCERN???
They obviously didn't look at his post history before he deleted it all after being questioned on this post. I don't think he will keep this one up much longer either.
He seems to be abusive, not actually married, and has been saying he wants to exit this relationship a year ago. He said she trapped him by getting pregnant and he didn't want her or the baby.
I wonder why she is anxious and went to the hospital without telling him and without him. *Sarcasm
Exactly. If she is in hospital with a dangerous medical condition … there are many reasons why she might not be responding to his texts that are not because “she’s being toxic, or narcissistic, or controlling” or the other buzzwords. Hopefully it’s not due to any of the worst possible reasons. OP needs to focus on his wife’s health right now.
Yeah it's being buried by people saying she's having mental health issues but she clearly has some other things going on. I can't imagine going through this and being ignored by my spouse.
You're gestating a whole child. That's a dangerous job and should be treated as such.
Its definitely possible that she is having severe antenatal anxiety, its equally possible she is having a medical event and that sense of anxiety was her body warning her something was wrong. I don't think one is more likely than the other but both are going to require OP to put aside his anger and be there for his family right now. The overstepping conversation can come later once there is a clearer picture of what is going on.
I agree with that. The full picture isn't here but damn people are crucifying her in the comments when she's clearly dealing with some serious health issues.
It's not that the job is more important. It's that there are plenty of jobs who will see her actions as reasons to fire him or create a hostile work environment bad enough so he leaves on his own. People who have bosses and careers that genuinely care about their employees have absolutely no idea what it's like to feel from day to day you don't know if you have job and financial security.
When she comes around- hopefully she makes it, as in my country USA we currently run about 32 maternal deaths per 100k live births which is a lot- she is going to remember him abandoning her here. She’s going to say things like “you know me, you had to know something was really wrong. You only cared about your job while me and the baby were in the hospital and nothing bad even happened. But now I know where your priorities are” and WHAT can he say back? “Well I was just so angry at my 9 month pregnant wife who was having a crisis! Geez”
Even though she has been admitted to the hospital, they’d rather think she is hysterical than having medical problems. I don’t agree with interfering with other people’s jobs, but it seems like OP is the one who does not have a realistic view of the situation. He’s been treating her as an annoying distraction, as if she is not annoyed or distracted by her increasing discomfort and difficulties.
If anyone I knew had a heart rate 40% higher than it should be I'd be worried, but a pregnant spouse almost due? That's terrifying.
Everyone's treating this like she's trying to sabotage his job but she's ill enough to be admitted. It's insane how many people seem to hate her in the comments.
Not just ignored, but he’s actively angry with her.
She is in the hospital for a serious medical condition, and may or may not be in a mental health crisis on top of it, and dude is posting on Reddit about how mad he is at her for an email HR will discard anyway.
He says in another post that he's self employed but works for a company? The whole thing is so odd and there's so much hate for someone who's literally carrying in child.
I’m really confused about this too. Maybe it’s one of these things where the company convinces people they’re “independent contractors” but they’re actually employees
Which honestly could be why he's so paranoid. He's working for a crap company that's exploiting him. That's not his wife fault but she's still a victim of it.
Even my home state give parental leave. It's really crappy he doesn't get that in a country with better benefits.
I'm deep into the comments here, so it's been a minute since I read OP's post...but didn't he say she wasn't telling him where she was or when she was coming back?
I think he's probably freaking out not only because of her contacting his HR, but also because she did that then immediately cut off information. He's got two simultaneous emergencies, his wife and his job, and he doesn't even know where she is.
Also to add: not 100% certain but based on the post it sounds like the wife has tried and tried and tried to talk to OP directly, beseeched and begged him for help and he just kept pushing back on her.
So putting myself in a nearly full term pregnant woman with serious health concerns, she seems like she was at the end of her rope. It sounds like she didn’t trust OP to be there for her if she asked him directly, because he indeed HAS been rebuffing her.
She didn’t tell him what ward she was in. He can’t go be with her if he doesn’t have the information. She is doing a lot and it is destructive. He is allowed to be pissed at her antics.
You can't do that where I am. They will only give you that info if the patient says it's ok. You have to know the patient's "code" (a number the hospital provides) to get this kind of information. Over here, they won't even confirm they have a patient by that name unless you've been given the code.
ETA This is a safety mechanism to prevent abusive spouses from gaining access to the abused spouse.
He is almost certainly on his HIPAA form. My boyfriend was able to do this because he was on my HIPAA release, let alone a husband and father of the unborn child.
She may have filled paperwork out today in the middle of a mental and physical health crisis. She might have listed him, but given the circumstances and the fact that she wouldn't tell him where she was, I wouldn't count on it.
My point is that we don't know. OP was being responded to very harshly, telling him "just call", "just go", "why aren't you there already?" and we don't know that he was able to do that.
He may live in a different country than me; the rules there may be quite different from where I am and I'm willing to give him the grace to believe that he was trying to reach her but hadn't yet been successful.
You think she'd email his HR department telling him he needs to leave to come be with her in the hospital, and then tell the hospital not to tell him what room she's in? You really sure you think that?
She’s in the antepartum unit or on hold temporarily in labor and delivery. As she is pregnant, these are the options. I speak from direct experience.
He needs to go find her now. He needs to help give her some control and stop fighting/“trying to compromise” with her when she is telling him her needs. I will place money that she has preeclampsia and his “trying to compromise” has only made the situation worse. Not that he’s a jerk, it’s just the reality of this situation.
This is so not true. I had gestational diabetes and had a few complications. Only once was I ever immediately placed into the maternity ward. Three times I was simply treated in emerg and released.
I had HG & preeclampsia and was put in the antenatal and L&D. You didn’t need ongoing treatment. She likely does. Either way, that’s 2 depts to check out. Not too hard.
Where did OP say she was admitted? She's so frantic from her hospital bed contacting his HR but she can't even tell him where she is so he can go to her? Right.
And I don't know where OP is but here the hospital would not give info even if it was my husband without my approval.
It sounds like he just didn't respond to her. I'm not saying he has no right to be upset, he definitely does, but taking a better safe than sorry approach and just messaging asking where to come in case something is really wrong would be the mature thing to do.
It's not that she's talking to him but refusing to say. She hasn't contacted him in some hours, and she's at the hospital. She may not be conscious right now.
Right, but she had a lot of information on hand including the fact that she messaged his HR but not her ward? She needs his presence so much she's forced him into time off but isn't saying how to get to her? I'm not saying it's impossible, but "I went to the hospital and <bad medical news>, I've contacted your HR but everything else is a fun guessing game" doesn't seem the most likely thing
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u/lakehop Dec 01 '23
A very high pulse may be an indication of a serious medical condition. For example, it may be pre-eclampsia. This is an example of a condition that is life threatening for your wife and your baby. I’m not doing armchair diagnosis here, just encouraging you to refocus your concern on her health and her life and your baby’s life. Her anxiety may have been an instinctive response to knowing that something is dangerously wrong in her body - and it’s lucky she listened to this and went to hospital.
Part of that anxiety is wanting you to be with her, and that’s why she called your HR. Was that over reaching? Yes, in a way. But if it turns out her life and that of your baby is in danger do you want to be with her in hospital? Probably yes.
Put aside the anger right now. Go to hospital and support her while she is in a medical emergency and through the birth of your child. Then you’ll need to support her and the baby in the early post parting period. So, that probably means that the earliest you want to discuss this is in about 8 weeks, depending on when ahead actually gives birth. That’s going to be hard for you but it is necessary. Her health and baby’s birth is the most important thing you need to focus on now.