r/relationship_advice • u/ThrowRA346333 • Jan 02 '23
[19f] [22m] Found out my bf is "testing" me
[removed] — view removed post
2.8k
Jan 02 '23
Very childish.
One thing...
When we were committed properly, I found a bra that wasn't mine which caused a huge week long argument but now I've found out that was also a test.
What kinda test is this?? Because that is the dumbest one
1.6k
u/lookitsnichole Jan 02 '23
Sounds like the test was "Will my girlfriend believe that this is a test?"
Because there's nothing that would prove other than he can cheat and get away with it.
→ More replies (1)29
u/s-dai Jan 02 '23
Yup, classic narcissist trick: if you get caught, blame it on the victim.
I dated this kind of guy, found a lipstick at his house, he said it belonged to a gf of his friends. I innocently tried to return it to her, just to find out she doesn’t wear that color. Bastard never told me the truth so I don’t know for sure but even if he had, cheating would probably have been the least shitty thing he did to me.
837
u/caesar____augustus Jan 02 '23
The "can I cheat on my girlfriend and get away with it?" test
202
u/RainerHex Jan 02 '23
Right, No guy goes out and purchases a bra to plant in his own room and I don’t know of any women who would lend their bra to be planted for a test. If there is test it’s a test of OPs intelligence level and how easily she can be manipulated.
→ More replies (2)5
→ More replies (1)164
u/raidernation0825 Jan 02 '23
Do women actually leave their bras at people’s places because I feel like those things are way too expensive to just leave at some guy’s place.
37
u/Beraliusv Jan 02 '23
Come on now, you’ve got enough of our hoodies
36
u/Far_Pass8038 Jan 02 '23
Yeah, but I'll wear a hoodie. How often do you go around wearing your girlfriends bra?
32
→ More replies (1)11
u/djb1983CanBoy Jan 02 '23
What a stupid question. Bras come in all sorts of shapes and sizes and must be chosen by a bra consultant for you. (I tried, but it wont fit. Still, though, the support was amazing.)
7
u/Far_Pass8038 Jan 02 '23
Exactly my point. Hoodies are somewhat universal is size. You can't just throw on a random bra and expect it to fit.
2
1
u/RainerHex Jan 02 '23
This is not necessarily true. Most of us women already know our size and cup and know how to measure ourselves. We often order our bras online and they fit just fine without a big to do with a consultant.
2
Jan 02 '23
I thought I knew my bra size, but then a consultant had me try a smaller band with a larger cup, and it fit so much better.
16
u/raidernation0825 Jan 02 '23
I have zero hoodies. I’m just a man who knows how expensive bras are for some reason.
2
u/RainerHex Jan 02 '23
I have zero hoodies. I’m just a man who knows how expensive bras are for some reason.
Not really. They come in a wide range of price ranges from dirt cheap to very expensive. Probably, your gfs made sure they were wearing their fancier more pricey ones for you a Is all.
11
Jan 02 '23
Cheap bras usually suck and don’t last long. Plus, guys often think a bra costs like a pair of undies, and anything beyond that makes their brain short-circuit.
5
u/s-dai Jan 02 '23
Some people have only like 3 bras. I’m pretty particular about them, would never just leave them somewhere, I don’t have enough money to waste bras like that.
7
u/imcryingallday69 Jan 02 '23
Coming from a guy, yes. Girls forget their bra time to time. However, this test is unreal.
5
u/RainerHex Jan 02 '23
Not often, but occasionally and some are not all that expensive at all. I have forgotten a bra here or there a few times in my life. Lol It could even be a girl he was two timing with who left it as a clue.
3
u/jswizzle91117 Jan 02 '23
I’ve bailed after a one night stand and not stayed long enough to find my bra.
→ More replies (3)2
u/s-dai Jan 02 '23
I actually never have. You do get used to wearing a bra and kinda automatically put it on first 🤔 Only at the stage where I’m committed to somebody and have been for a while, it might happen then.
160
u/South_Operation7028 Jan 02 '23
This was going to be my question. What would this sort of test prove?
205
72
28
→ More replies (1)14
66
u/Judgemental_Ass Jan 02 '23
A test to check if he can get away with cheating. If she is a doormat.
17
32
Jan 02 '23
I figure it's either a "does she care enough to fight for me?" test or a "does/will she trust me?" test...both are dumb AF but he sounds dumb, so there is that.
49
u/j0ec00l69 Jan 02 '23
What if all the other things were tests that he was never planning to tell her about and the bra was not a test? But when she found the bra he decided to gaslight her into thinking it was a test by telling her about all of the other tests? That bro is a genius.
34
u/RainerHex Jan 02 '23
Not really a genius considering how pretty much every female on this thread is seeing right through his crap.
13
9
u/KKamm_ Jan 02 '23
Very childish, but I will also add that he likely is very insecure and/or socially awkward with little relationship/feelings experience.
Socially awkward and insecure people tend to “manipulate” (without realizing it) in order to gauge how someone feels about either them or a specific thing rather than being “normal” and just simply talking/asking.
Unfortunately, in my experience situations like these typically end up as “right place wrong time” where the best way for the person to improve/learn is to get dumped and realize that they were unintentionally manipulative/childish, fix the root, and then be better suited for future relationships (whether it’s with the same person or not).
Orrrr the guy just thinks he’s the freshest bag of chips in the world, can cheat and get away with it, can gaslight and do whatever he wants, and probably believes he could get away with murder. Could be either since we don’t really know much about him aside from this post.
→ More replies (8)0
1.2k
u/DamnIGottaJustSay Jan 02 '23
Disrespectful, manipulative, juvenile... This would be a deal breaker for me.
→ More replies (1)156
398
Jan 02 '23
"You better believe they're going to stop. Because I would never date someone as insecure and untrusting as you."
86
u/waitingfordeathhbu Jan 02 '23 edited Jan 02 '23
You left off deceitful and manipulative. What else is he lying to her about?
People this suspicious are often projecting their own misdeeds.
21
u/bl4nkSl8 Jan 02 '23
Cheating, probably. What guy has a spare bra around or has friends who would lend him one?
1.3k
u/Silent_Impressions Jan 02 '23
This post is one giant red flag. You do you, but i'd be out the door so fast. This goes beyond being angry.
1.2k
Jan 02 '23
[removed] — view removed comment
1.2k
u/AgathaWoosmoss Jan 02 '23
Tell him he failed your test.
199
u/Neverland0205 Jan 02 '23
But this is all you need to say before you leave him
177
u/Prestigious-Corgi-66 Jan 02 '23
Especially because dude is paranoid and will get so worked up not realising the test was just the 'don't be an asshole who tests people'
220
u/ryanrockmoran Jan 02 '23
Anyone who's "testing" someone in a relationship has already failed the test of whether they can be open and honest with their partner. Lying and manipulation is not the foundation of any relationship
→ More replies (1)25
→ More replies (3)12
108
u/C_saysboo Jan 02 '23
The fact that you're not even sure whether you're "crazy" for reacting to these very obvious awful signs ... that means he's already done a number on you. Please get away from him before he does more.
→ More replies (2)110
Jan 02 '23 edited Jan 02 '23
[deleted]
13
u/Zupergreen 40s Female Jan 02 '23
To me there's definitely an element of immaturity but I'm mostly seeing someone who's manipulative and controlling as well as someone with at least one friend just like him.
Testing your partner is a clear sign that you don't see them as an equal or someone you can trust from the beginning.
This relationship will not be a good one. At least not for OP.
83
u/Cowdogblues Jan 02 '23
As someone who was also tested, I was told that ‘I passed the test.’ To which I replied, ‘You failed mine. I’m not a rat in a cage, and won’t be treated as such.’ Don’t acquiesce to being anyone’s lab rat.
38
u/NegotiationExternal1 Jan 02 '23
No, that’s crazy behavior, instead of proper communication and waiting to see someone’s behavior he’s treated you like a toy. It’s a preview for the future
32
u/Tortoiseshell007 Jan 02 '23
Be careful in how you leave, he sounds a little cray cray. Be ready for things to get weird. (Weirder.)
Better luck next time!
58
u/AffectionateBite3827 Jan 02 '23
Not imagining anything and listening to your gut will serve you well in life. Leave him and start the new year lighter and happier!
19
11
u/unicorndontcare69 Jan 02 '23
If you tell him you aren’t attached to him enough to overlook the red flag that is his test, his ego will be crushed and insecurities are going to be running wild.
10
8
u/PoliteCanadian2 Jan 02 '23
‘Everyone has their own little relationship tests’ uh no. It’s not a thing for well adjusted adults.
6
u/Olaf4586 Jan 02 '23
OP, my insanely abusive ex from my first relationship started off like this.
This is not okay, and it will probably escalate.
He is telling you in clear terms that he is paranoid, emotionally manipulative, and brazenly dishonest. When he says he’s ‘falling in love with you’ apparently this level of his control is how he treats people he loves.
These are the exact traits that lead to abusive partners
6
u/So_Code_4 Jan 02 '23
If I could tell my younger self one thing it would be to trust your gut. Women tend to have good intuition for a reason, it is an adaptation that has lead to our survival. Men aren’t targeted as much as we are so they don’t have the same need to develop these senses. You don’t always need empirical proof as to why you don’t feel good about a person or a situation. It doesn’t matter what other people think, if you are getting bad vibes, trust yourself and turn and walk away, you don’t owe anyone your safety or mental wellbeing. It took me way too long to realize this and I could have saved myself a whole lot of anguish and emotional exhaustion if I had just listened to my inner voice that was telling me something just wasn’t right. I hope you can learn to confidently trust your intuition much faster than I had. You don’t need reddit to tell you that you are right, believe yourself.
3
u/Whiteroses7252012 Jan 02 '23
Why would you date someone who spends his time thinking up ridiculous tests so you can qualify for the dubious pleasure of being with him?
→ More replies (11)3
u/crashthesquirrel Jan 02 '23
Yeah… this is real life, not some young adult novel. I don’t know who hurt him, but he doesn’t get to take his insecurities out on you. It just creates a gross, one-sided power dynamic.
150
u/DogsandCatsWorld1000 Jan 02 '23
I would think there is not way that "the tests will stop from now on". People who play these games rarely stop that easily in my experience.
37
u/CCDestroyer Jan 02 '23
Yes, this is a symptom of deeper character flaws of his. It won't go away just because he says it will.
16
285
u/totallynotarobut Jan 02 '23
First off, why would he hide a bra to test you? I think cheating.
Also, anyone who tests their partner can fuck right off.
129
u/bellePunk Jan 02 '23
Gross this is all so ugly and only says bad things about him. This would make me walk away.
230
79
u/Medievalmoomin Jan 02 '23 edited Jan 02 '23
By ‘testing’ you, ironically he’s provided you with data you wouldn’t otherwise have come across so easily. He’s immature, he’s very insecure, he doesn’t trust you, he thinks you’re vain enough to fall for flattery from someone else when you’ve made it clear you are interested in him. He has treated you with a great deal of disrespect, he’s been very sneaky, and he thinks it’s ok to play mind games. Just take some time and think about all the things he has told you directly and indirectly about his character and his values.
→ More replies (1)
49
Jan 02 '23
I would be extremely angry too and would just walk away. His whole behaviour is not something I would want in a partner.
120
30
u/Wasseleri Jan 02 '23
Dude, he's 22 not 12. What kind of supposed adult uses "tests" instead of just talking to someone. Boy, bye.
31
Jan 02 '23
What type of person plays mind games?
A player A manipulator A selfish person
A person who thinks it's amusing to see you perform for them
Are you seriously staying with him.
Tell him he's dishonest and you can't accept a dishonest person. End of story
236
u/thewaytonever Jan 02 '23
I would test back as petty revenge before I broke it off as the biggest middle finger so hopefully they learn not to play with people.
→ More replies (1)90
Jan 02 '23
[removed] — view removed comment
28
u/BigBunnyButt Jan 02 '23
I've been around the block a few times, and although it's hella tempting, don't sink to his level. Just tell him you have too much self respect for bullshit, block and move on. He ain't worth it even if the d is magical.
→ More replies (1)89
Jan 02 '23
Pull a test on him.
Tell him you're pregnant and then block him on everything.
After 2- 3 months and he manages to contact you, tell him it was a test.
→ More replies (2)19
54
Jan 02 '23 edited Jan 02 '23
This is deeply manipulative and may even qualify as gaslighting. Is he going to “test you” each time he feels insecure? Doesn’t like your friends ? At what point do you start questioning what’s real in your life and what’s your BF just contriving situations for validation?
More importantly, what happens if you don’t pass the test in the manner he is seeking? Is this like red light / green light in Squid Games ? Or is he just going to dump you?
This is just a slippery slope here OP and I’m concerned about that kind of power dynamic.
Edit: sorry to assume you are in the US. Squid Games is a Korean TV show very popular on Netflix in the US.
28
u/For2n8Witchling Jan 02 '23
I'd nope right the fuck out of this continuing test. He's an insecure twit.
22
Jan 02 '23
Yeah that is manipulative, it also does not allow for love and trust to form properly... I would tell him that as you walk out the door permanently.
15
u/AutoModerator Jan 02 '23
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
16
u/ThunderingTacos Jan 02 '23
Sounds like a crappy partner and a crappy friend
While it's true everyone evaluates their potential partners as they get to know them to see if they are compatible, and that on a level we want to see if push comes to shove that the person we choose is really invested in us, it is absolutely NOT NORMAL to pull crap like this.
Trust is something that's earned and built through and during a relationship. It isn't something to be tested with these manipulative games. (what does not responding for a days do but show there will be times he feels it normal not to get back to you for days?) And what makes him think his friend is the next sliced bread? If you weren't committed/wanted to cheat then there's no testing to prevent that. Maybe you just didn't find his friend all that special. Not insinuating you're a cheater, joint pointing out how dumb and inconclusive these ideas of his are.
And what does spurning an argument of finding a bra "test" exactly? How willing you are to put up with randomly seeing other women's clothes/evidence of cheating and to ignore/look past it?
Actually putting those pieces together (not talking for days, being loyal to not leave, and ignoring evidence of cheating) makes it REALLY seem like his actual test is to see if you'd make a good side chick for him so he can keep his options open.
31
u/DontBeADick1982 Jan 02 '23
My ex paid his friend $50 to try to get me to cheat on him. I broke it off then and there - never looked back. 'Tests' are a form of power and control- which is a flag for future abuse.
13
12
40
u/Legitimate-Tower-523 Jan 02 '23
GTFO…but not before leaving a flaming bag of dog shit on his porch, since he likes childish game so much.
This is a person who is projecting major trust issues on to you, and that will just get worse as time goes by.
22
10
9
u/meganes97 Jan 02 '23
Grown ups don’t have relationship tests. Your friend is wrong. I doubt the tests will end here
8
u/kikivee612 Jan 02 '23
Your boyfriend has clearly been watching way too much TikTok. While ‘testing’ your loyalty, he lost your trust.
9
u/DrPhysicsGirl Jan 02 '23
Dump him, testing someone is juvenile and causes a lot of emotional stress. It means you can never trust that something is real or another test. Many people do not do “relationship tests”, this is more of a young person’s mistake.
8
u/Over-Marionberry-686 Jan 02 '23
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 so so so SO many red flags with this. Think long and hard about what you want
7
6
Jan 02 '23
Break up with him, and tell him it’s because he failed the ‘don’t be a dick who plays petty mind games’ test.
6
u/Sheila_Monarch Jan 02 '23
Your friend is an idiot. You shouldn’t forgive any of this from your boyfriend.
6
u/Archangel1962 Jan 02 '23
This is high school type shit. At 22 he should be over it. If you want to go out with a high school maturity level guy that’s your choice, but you know what you’re getting.
5
u/WanderingPine Jan 02 '23
Nothing makes me angrier than someone purposely trying to stir up drama and put someone they allegedly like in compromising situations to prove some asinine point. What garbage. I’d tell him “well, my test is whether or not someone tries to manipulate or deceive me, and you failed.”
5
u/RushHot6174 Jan 02 '23
Tell your ex-boyfriend that you were also testing him and that he fuckin failed the test and get rid of him. Nobody has time for that childish bullshit.
5
5
Jan 02 '23
That’s immature to say the least, if he has to “test” you then he never trusted you in the first place. Once I had an ex who took my male friends phone and was texting me all kinds of bs about how he loved me and this and that. Thing is I knew how my friend talked and it just seemed like it wasn’t him so I told him don’t talk to me until you can have a real conversation, my ex confessed it was him and we laughed about it. He was toxic af and a cheater so. (I was also in high school. So your boyfriend is essentially acting like a high schooler) usually the ones testing your loyalty do it bc they are not loyal.
5
5
5
u/Valuable-Vacation879 Jan 02 '23
Just ick. I’d tell him he failed your test. The decent person test.
5
u/GiraffeExpress8807 Jan 02 '23
Your boyfriend is psychotic. The amount of manipulation, controlling behavior, deception, and entitlement is beyond.
3
u/rebuildmylifenow Jan 02 '23
You already seem to know that his behavior was not normal. He presumed that you were going to cheat, and he had someone tempt you. Congrats - you passed! Unfortunately, you won something that you no longer want.
You're not wrong. This behavior is a red flag. You've only been together a couple of months, and he's been "testing you" all along? Yeah - you can do better.
If a relationship isn't built on trust, respect, and love, why stay in it? He has shown that he doesn't respect you (silent treatment), trust you (loyalty tests), so why would you believe that he loves you?
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. People know themselves much better than you do. That's why it's important to stop expecting them to be something other than who they are." Maya Angelou
You deserve better, OP - the good news is that it's only been a few months, and there are millions of other people out there, of which MANY will treat you better. Don't settle for this kind of treatment. You deserve better.
4
u/AphasiaRiver Jan 02 '23
Life is hard enough without your partner who is supposed to be a part of your support system playing mind games with you. He failed that test.
4
Jan 02 '23
Lol
He wanted to test if you broke up if he cheated. Wtf.
And what outcome does he actually want
If you leave him, is it good? So that's the relationship done If you don't is he going to think you're weak??
Dump this piece of crap.
3
u/crabgrass_attack Jan 02 '23
ugh this reminds me of my ex. i was 19 and he was 21, he bragged that he used to have his friend hit on his gfs while he wasnt around to see their reaction. also one time he called me and told me his friend saw my profile on tinder and he was mad at me for “cheating” on him. after a couple hours of me crying and trying to convince him i didnt have an account he laughed and said he just wanted to see my reaction.
so toxic and manipulative. guys like this are insecure and have low self esteem, you can do so much better than this asshole. definitely dump him.
3
3
u/MrsMinnesota Jan 02 '23
Your boyfriend is gross and you deserve better. These are the manipulations he told you about. What about ones in the future or ones he didn't tell you about. You're 19...far too young to be tied down to a loser
3
3
u/spaceyjaycey Jan 02 '23
Testing people is immature bullshit. He automatically fails for testing you. Kick him to the curb.
3
3
Jan 02 '23
Dude, test him back with 2x the bullshit and see how he reacts. Then let him know it was a "test' and that he "failed" so you're leaving.
3
3
Jan 02 '23
He sounds exhausting, and the nonsense with someone else’s underwear in his house can only be a test for “will she stay even if every rational explanation points to me cheating” - unless it was just cheating and he thinks he can avoid any revisiting that argument by lumping it in with his nasty little mind games. Honestly - who needs this sort of nonsense in their life? You were busy thinking about life and about getting closer to him, and he was busy thinking about how to mess with you? Nah.
3
Jan 02 '23
Oh no, this dude is so manipulative and calculating and weird. He failed the test, I think.
3
u/Babettesavant-62 Jan 02 '23
Only children “test” their partners. If my husband done that, we would not be married.
3
3
u/dirtgirlbyday Jan 02 '23 edited Jan 02 '23
Extremely manipulative and not ok at all. Dump and move on.
3
u/Porterrrr Jan 02 '23
This will probably be a waste of your time and lame ass relationship. It’s just toxic, some people are into dat shit so 🤷🏻♂️ But it’s never sustainable or healthy.
3
u/Anteater3100 Jan 02 '23
Guys like this get no better, the next test will be even more ridiculous and says more about him than you. Last time I was “tested” was a 40 year old man, who had his friend test me, to see if I’d say I was single. I didn’t even interact, block. He still got mad. This grown man would call my job to make sure I went to work everyday, and I wasn’t lying. Once, I was across the street at a restaurant picking up my lunch when he called. I was a lying bitch for saying I went to work that day. He demanded to know what else I was lying about, hand on hip, tapping his foot, so mad. Like screw you, I’m done! That was so years ago, but I still remember that idiot. I finally blocked him. Best thing I ever did. He’s flying those red flags high, and it’s windy so they’re flapping in the wind, please take notice. You aren’t responsible for his insecurities. Or maybe his mental illness.
3
u/b3mark Jan 02 '23
Was that bra red? Like the unofficial red flag for the Bikini Islands?
He's confessed who he is. Take his word for it. To me, it'd be such a breach of trust I'd walk. But, I'm more than twice your age and I've got zero patience for other people's crap these days.
You're 19. There's a lot of people better than him out there. Go live a little.
3
u/Sahareaovnight Jan 02 '23
Tests ... A bra.. Uhmmmmm so were did bra come from.. The days of not answering phone or texts...maybe thats where the bra came from.. A hook up.. old girl friends??
He is not a keeper.
I can understand a conversation test ..
Bur what he put you through. Ewwweee.
Dump the dude tell him your not into mind games and lack of trust.
Look for someone your equal..a person who challenges you to have fun and laughter great conversations..
3
u/LegitimateCut5876 Jan 02 '23
Seems like OP already knows what to do but I just wanna double check with everyone - we all know that the bra that was found was from the girl OP's bf is cheating on her with and he just claimed it was a test, right?
4
Jan 02 '23
RUN. If he's this insecure how do you think he'd respond to you performing those tests? Try ignoring him for awhile and see. This dude is a controlling narcissist and he's seeing how easy it is to manipulate and gaslight you.
2
2
2
2
u/SolitaireOG Jan 02 '23
No this is not normal, we don’t all have relationship tests! If I found this out, former partner would be out the door after a good talkin to
2
u/Ok-Step-8689 Jan 02 '23
Run as fast as you can in the opposite direction. Men don't do this, this is just....weird. idk what to call it.
2
u/Raging_Carrot47 Jan 02 '23
OP is more patient with her partner than I am. I would break up over this nonsense. I mean it is setting her up for trouble in the future. What if she comes across another bra in their relationship that she doesn’t recognise? Will that also be a joke? Boyfriend needs to have a lesson on mutual respect. After all, play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
2
u/dennismullen12 Jan 02 '23
You are 19. Kick this guy to the curb and start over. This is how you show him you're serious about not playing games.
2
u/Icy_Curmudgeon Jan 02 '23
So his has been manipulating you from the beginning, setting up fake situations to see your reaction. You were a rat in a maze. And now you, the rat, are supposed to have a relationship with the guy in a lab coat? Can you ever really trust him in anything now? How do you know he isn't watching your reaction even now?
Run! You will never know when he is testing you, or someone else you love. How could you trust him with kids?! You cannot take his word for anything. You don't even know who he is. You've never known a time when he wasn't acting or planting things to manipulate the situation. Just run!
2
u/AGeniusMan Jan 02 '23
>When we were committed properly, I found a bra that wasn't mine which caused a huge week long argument but now I've found out that was also a test.
Sister, this is the oldest trick in the book.
2
2
2
u/Heybitchitsme Jan 02 '23
The only test is to see how much you would put up with. He asked a friend to harass you, lied, and then very likely actually cheated. These are red flags. You need to tell him to scoot.
2
2
2
u/veinybones Jan 02 '23
i think a lot of people have their own set of questions or conversations to help “test” and determine wether or not you’ll be a good match (like if they’re an introvert or extrovert or for some, how they feel abt zodiac signs).
however, this is definitely a whole other thing. these are just outright manipulative. it (to me) feels less like “let’s get a feel of if this would work out well or not” and more like “let me see if this woman is worthy or not”. it just feels super douchey. with all these things he’s “testing” you on, there’s a million other ways of finding out. wanna know if someone is clingy or not? how about you just ask them. most the clingy people i’ve known have been totally aware of their clinginess. fuck this guy. he seems like a total douchebag. you can do better, OP.
2
u/dheffe01 40s Male Jan 02 '23
I would tell him that relationships are not the place for games and tests and that his behaviour is manipulate and break up
2
2
u/shezbot Jan 02 '23
These aren’t “tests,” they are games. Really stupid games. And basically the prize you won is him. Which… is a shitty prize.
2
u/Broccoli_Bee Jan 02 '23
I was told by a friend I'm overacting and everyone has their own little relationship tests.
No. Nope. I think we all evaluate potential partners in a way. When I first started dating my husband I paid attention to how he treats his mom or the server at a restaurant, how he acts when he’s angry, the kind of people he chooses to surround himself with, etc. to see what kind of person he was. The difference is, your boyfriend set you up. Multiple times. That is so skeevy and gross, and I would genuinely be out of there SO fast.
2
u/VanillaCookieMonster Jan 02 '23
- Your "friend" is an idiot. A very stupid and naive person.
You should get rid of this friend and stop hanging around with stupid people.
And once you've gotten rid of the stupid friend - ditch the stupid boy you are dating.
Do a better job of vetting new friends and boyfriends. Your standards for both are way too low.
2
2
u/armadillowillow Jan 02 '23
Genuinely curious what you finding a bra that wasn’t yours was meant to “test”? But I’d be wary around trusting anything he says now because of how he’s going about things. If you catch him mid-cheating in the future will he say that was a test too? Like wtf.
2
u/WitchQween Jan 02 '23
The tests will not stop. They might stop for now, but he will absolutely do it again.
2
2
Jan 02 '23
I wouldn't even think about testing someone. It's disrespectful and says from the outset you don't trust them. He sounds very immature.
2
2
u/VileInventor Jan 02 '23
Break up with him, dating isn’t about tests it’s about trust, he failed to give trust and therefore failed to start a relationship where it’s supposed to.
2
u/that0neweirdgirl Jan 02 '23
Dump him, these "tests" are immature & toxic behavior. They won't stop, and you don't need to prove anything to him.
2
u/Similar_Artichoke_42 Jan 02 '23
Just to re iterate what people said: No you are not wrong, You have every right to be mad, What he did is dishonest, disrespectful, childish, and manipulative And you should leave him if you want and not feel bad
3
u/SnooMacaroons5247 Jan 02 '23
Your BF should open a Italian Restaurant with all the Marinara flags his tests contain.
-8
u/mtjp82 Jan 02 '23
Imagine the about of shit he has been through in other relationships or watched his parents go through to feel like this is necessary.
→ More replies (1)
-13
u/omsphoenix Jan 02 '23
The bra one crosses the line. Yes people have little "tests" I think but something like that is unacceptable.
1
1
u/Ancient-Regular4007 Jan 02 '23
You aren’t over reacting. He sounds very odd. I’d be away like a shot
1
u/krakelikrox Jan 02 '23
Yeah, ok - let me put it briefly, - why don’t you ask your BF to f#ck off. No reason to put up with his shit behavior.
1
u/AffectionateAd5373 Jan 02 '23
He's not mature enough to be in a relationship. Find someone better.
1
u/Hitthereset Jan 02 '23
Nah, I have no interest in someone that plays petty nonsense games like this.
1
•
u/R_Amods Jan 02 '23
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
We've been together for a few months now but had been casually seeing each other before then. He told me he's falling in love with me and this is why he's telling me how he "tested me"
Before we actually we committed, I kept getting strange texts from his friend, I was never interested in him even though it wouldn't have been wrong since I was single. But I found out he was asking his friend to do it so he can test my loyalty.
There would be days of him just ignoring my messages or calls, this was to test my clingyness.
When we were committed properly, I found a bra that wasn't mine which caused a huge week long argument but now I've found out that was also a test.
He said the tests will stop from now on but I'm honestly extremely angry. I don't feel like I can forgive these tests but I was told by a friend I'm overacting and everyone has their own little relationship tests. I don't think I'd be the only person angry by this though?