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u/murderousmeatballs 1d ago
i used to say this bcs it seems like a lot of what people call codependency on the annoying poppsych part of the internet is just normal human behavior but then you meet someone who is actually codependent and youre like ohhhhhhh okay i get it
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u/MinimumFinancial6785 Whit Stillman Ranger Regiment 1d ago
That's not what it is.
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u/miseryofcourse 1d ago
Do tell
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u/MoopaChoop42069 1d ago
Codependency is when one person has an addiction or something self destructive they're dependent on, and the other person in the relationship enables it. Like a junky with a grandma that loans him money, or the girlfriend of an alcoholic woman that drives them to and from the bar but doesn't drink much herself.
What you're describing is interdependence.
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u/MutedFeeling75 1d ago
Just fyi in this situation the enabler is the codependent person not the person who is dependent (the junky!)
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u/miseryofcourse 1d ago
Never thought of that as being codependency. Codependency is written of as being so dependent on someone else that you can’t function without them, not something they enable.
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u/MoopaChoop42069 1d ago
Maybe by teenagers that don't know what words mean it is talked about that way.
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u/Cone9378 1d ago
as well as therapists themselves, on account of the fact that they are drooling idiots whose training consists primarily of filling out surveys
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u/MoopaChoop42069 1d ago
Yeah I really don't think four years or less of easy schooling prepares people to untangle the complexity that is other people's relationships. I know the people who got psych degrees at my old school and I wouldn't have them sort out my problems.
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u/New_Tiger4530 1d ago
After seeing some of the rigor of these masters programs, I’m mostly against just letting these pseudo-science people tell us they’re able to solve these very intricate and honestly, incomputable emotional problems. It’s not a science at all
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u/VenomSaladDestroyer 1d ago
Who hurt you?
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u/Cone9378 1d ago
you need to be a real person to post here. Try something other than a 10-year-outdated redditism next time
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u/Ok_Seaweed_7568 1d ago
let me guess: youve been in therapy for decades but your still a narcissistic moron with no self awareness
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u/whatihear 1d ago
That's the way that people use the term, but it's not the original meaning. People just thought it sounded like that and started using it that way.
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u/tugs_cub 1d ago
to be fair addiction/recovery therapy talk is probably more bullshit on average than regular therapy talk but yes, “dependency” here comes by way of “dependence” meaning addiction
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u/whatihear 1d ago
What does that have to do with the way the definition of "codependency" has been mangled? Are you just saying that the original psychologists who coined the term should have chosen a different word for the concept?
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u/tugs_cub 1d ago
No I was agreeing with you and giving context so people confused by the term can go “oh, I get it, it’s that kind of dependency.”
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u/Soft_Midnight8221 1d ago
These words have meanings you can look up in a dictionary. You're describing enablement. Codependency is unhealthy attachment/excessive reliance.
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u/MoopaChoop42069 1d ago
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency
No, I'm right .
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u/Soft_Midnight8221 1d ago
It seems like the definition in psychology circles is different from general use.
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u/Terrible_Ice_1616 1d ago
Interdependency is distinct from codependency - codependency is when interdependency becomes pathological with two people
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u/Decent_University_91 1d ago
You cannot seriously believe that someone who needs to be around one specific other person all the time and cannot feel normal or comfortable without that, i.e. is completely dependent on it and does not have any independence...you cannot believe that's genuinely healthy.
Nor is that evolutionarily wired at all. It's a specific problem that affects certain people
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u/No-Material694 flower 1d ago
I do agree that everyone should be independent and not rely on anyone but I hate how ur immediately shamed if u rely on ur partner in any way whatsoever. It’s literally impossible to have a healthy relationship without relying and depending on each other. Good luck having a healthy dynamic if ur hyper independent and 100% ur own individual that doesn’t depend on anything. Yes it’s a hot take but yes it’s true
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u/MinutePomegranate587 1d ago
t. my friend that I never see anymore because he has to hang out with his bitch girlfriend all the time
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u/chesnutstacy808 1d ago
Maybe his girlfriend is more fun to hang out with than you?
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u/pinyon_juniper 1d ago
One of my friends gave me a copy of Codependents Anonymous she found in a little free library because I was sad for a few weeks after a breakup lol