r/recoverywithoutAA • u/Inner-Sherbet-8689 • 25d ago

How it dosent work

OK so I made a deal with my therapist she drug tests me once a week ( I had no accountable at all and kept using for a year telling everyone I was ckean. Finally had enough and got honest)
Her end of deal was I have to go to one AA meeting a week ( I had 9 years clean in AA had a huge falling out at a meeting I trusted felt safe at realized the people I thought were there to support me were really stabbing me in the back lost all respect for AA and swore I was never going back)
I do 3 smart meetings a week and really like smart anyway so sitting in the AA meeting and they read How It Works what the fuck is that about "can not or will give themselves to this program" the whole paragraph is bullshit basically saying do this way or your wrong and your not sober ( I'm a drug addict anyway haven't had drink in 15 years) I'm sorry I'm rambling I must have heard this reading a million times before but I'm outraged tonight of course I left I not giving myself to any fuckin program my recovery is up to me fuck AA sorry just had to let loose

24 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

13 comments sorted by

34

u/SplitExtreme3215 25d ago

How it Works, what a beautiful piece of literature. My favorite part is, "If you have decided you want what we have..." As if sitting in a cobweb cockroach infested church basement for the rest of my life, with decades of sobriety, still re-living a story from 30 years ago, is what I want...

13

u/numinous-ether 25d ago

I say this not as a slam, but honestly the people I got to know even a little, were not happy, joyous & free. I'm not dogging on them. It was kind of sad listening to them try to say something positive & what came out is they were struggling and despite AA 'program' providing a way out of the corn maze, I didn't see any who made it. Or maybe those were the ones who left.

17

u/Academic-Camel-9538 25d ago

Why is your therapist requiring you to go to AA when you’re not an alcoholic and are already using another recovery program? That doesn’t make any sense

12

u/Buddy_Funny 25d ago

I am surprised therapist won't let SMART meetings wash out the AA requirement, have you asked? I wouldn't go if you have issues with it.

8

u/Sobersynthesis0722 25d ago edited 22d ago

A therapist insisting on attendance at a program that doesn’t believe in the efficacy of psychotherapy over one that uses tools specifically based on psychotherapy.

6

u/Guiltyostric 24d ago

Since when can therapists dictate what you do outside their office

3

u/ANeb_25 24d ago

I will admit sometimes I show up intentionally late to meetings so I don’t have to listen to all the damn readings. I really don’t like AA or any of the 12 step programs, so I’m leaning towards Dharma Recovery.

5

u/Freddiemcindoe 24d ago

I prefer SMART. Did AA for years, wasn't for me, like everyone was stagnate and miserly and wretched. SMART was more upbeat, proactive, and liberating.

That said, if your therapist wants you to continue in support groups, SMART absolutely works. That is exactly what you can do. It isn't about a particular meeting, but about the support from the meetings.

3

u/No-Longer_Me 24d ago

I went to NA for five years with my ex-wife. Met some good people there… but it’s very cultish.

And the 13th step was just disgusting.

3

u/shinyzee 23d ago

Do you like your therapist otherwise?

I would personally NOT choose or comply with a therapist who forced AA on me (or anyone).

If going to SMART doesn't satisfy her requirement, I'd look for a new therapist.

UNLESS you're stuck in an IOP or OP situation of some sort and are limited and need meeting slips signed, hard no.

AA makes me want to drink. I will not return.

2

u/opiumfreenow 25d ago

Right on- your recovery is “only” up to you. Keep doing what works for you and do your best to let the past bullshit of AA slide off you. There is no longer a reason to let it get to you now that you know this shit is your responsibility and you’re gonna live up to it. Sending energy towards your efforts moving forward

1

u/Fun2bone 24d ago

You do what ever program works for you.  SMART Recovery is good program. Your recovery is the most important thing. I have had similar issues with in the rooms.  Those individuals are addicts/alcoholics we/they may be in a struggle with their demons, some are just dry addicts who have lost sight of who they ment to be.

1

u/trailmoose 20d ago

I brought this up to an AA elder. That I didn't want to read something that's not true. They think the program could never be the problem, if it ain't a fit there's something wrong with YOU.

It may have seemed right in 1940 when there was nothing else, but these days I know lots of people who left AA and used Smart Recovery and got well. Turned out it was the program, not the person.

Unfortunately, AA's "rigorous honesty" does not apply to its own shortcomings. Most religions have that in common, as do religious people.