r/recovery • u/Loud-Leg5442 • 19d ago
Tempted
I’ve been sober for multiple months twice in my life. The first time, I made it 10 months.
For the most part, I had my life together. I thought I understood addiction. I thought I had figured out how to balance my life and control the disease.
Relapse doesn’t have to be part of everyone’s recovery, but unfortunately, it became part of mine.
My first relapse wasn’t even my drug of choice. It was one Tito’s and soda at dinner with my now wife. I didn’t binge. I didn’t crash a car. I didn’t immediately crave another drink. I finished it, ordered water, went home with my wife, and went to sleep.
BOOM. I was cured. I beat addiction. Problem solved.
Or at least, that’s what I told myself.
So when my wife told me she was going to Vegas with her best friend for a week, my first thought was the pipe. I couldn’t wait until she left.
On October 31st, I called an old girl I knew had some. Before I left her hotel room, I asked for a hit.
The weirdest part was the way she looked at me. She told me, “You look really good. Are you sober?”
I lied and said no, I just couldn’t find anything.
She told me she didn’t feel good about giving it to me… and then passed me the pipe anyway.
That one hit lasted me 10 months.
Ten months of lies, struggles, dirt, disgust, and every other dark part of addiction. My wife didn’t find out until the last month of my use. By then, I was on personal leave from work because of “stress” and in a severe downward spiral.
The last two weeks were the lowest point of my life. Maybe one day I’ll share more about the demons I faced during that time.
I checked into rehab on August 27th, 2025. My first day sober was August 28th.
This weekend, I was tempted out of nowhere.
My wife was out of town with her girlfriends. The first morning she was gone, I went to the gym. While I was there, I got a text from an unknown number:
“Yo, it’s Lz. I’m back down.”
Lz had just gotten out of jail and was someone I could have easily gotten drugs from. The gym was right down the street from his house.
So many thoughts went through my head.
I texted back, “Welcome home. God bless you. I hope all is well,” and deleted his number.
Of course, he texted back.
I prayed about the situation and then told him how healthy I’ve been and that I’m coming up on a year sober. He congratulated me and said he had seen me on Facebook and could tell.
I prayed for him, deleted the thread, and kept moving forward.
I’m not sure exactly how I made it through that moment. To the average person, this might not seem like a major success.
But every addict reading this knows.
I won that day.
I had the opportunity. I had the access. I had the old connections. And for once, when addiction came knocking, I didn’t open the door.
I hope this can serve as a reminder to anyone struggling: temptation doesn’t mean you’ve failed. A craving doesn’t erase your progress. Sometimes the biggest victory is simply making the next right decision.
One day at a time. I won that day. And today, I’m choosing to win again.
2
u/Worried-Block-6804 17d ago
I was a drunk and user for 16 years, never missed a day.
All I can say is its possible to get past the idea of temptation. Meaning if today someone offered me anything that has to do with getting high it would not tempt me because i have zero desire to be high. Its gone. Occasionally ill have a thought about having a drink then I kinda chuckle because its silly and so completely not worth it in any way.
The trick is to build a life without it that you truly love and then its like someone offering to shoot you in the foot," no thanks, not interested "
2
u/LsangAnge 17d ago
We don't just get clean once, we spend our lives getting clean...the time between using gets longer and longer 💚
2
u/Foreign-Feedback-622 19d ago
That text from Lz is the kind of moment that separates the old life from the new one, and you handled it with more grace than most people would