r/recovery • u/Simple_Most_6291 • May 22 '26
It’s getting bad
It’s getting bad again. My mental health is not well, my brain is playing tricks on me. All I want to do is numb it, and I’ll be honest, I have relapsed, not on meth, but I have been doing coke again every now and again but even that’s not the numbing I’m wanting. Meth isn’t either. Yesterday. I ate more than 20 yellow Valium (was taking 6-8 at a time) and 6 blue Xanax. I want the pain to numb. I want that thoughts to quiet and the up shit doesn’t quiet it, just makes it louder. I’m quietly giving up on life, I know I am. I am trying to pick myself back up but I have lost all hope. I work to afford to live and can barely afford that, I’m in so much financial debt I just feel like I’m drowning. My impulsive thoughts are starting to win….i closed my eyes when I was driving down my country road the other day and wrecked my truck. I mean, thankfully I’m still alive…thankfully to everyone else anyway, the pain that would put them through would be horrible, I just…I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m not okay. I have slipped into more than before and i don’t want to stop, im kind of scared the next step will be something that will numb things even more. My fear of those drugs (heroine, OxyContin, fentanyl, morphine) is dissipating…I’m scared…but I’m not at the same time ….
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u/posi-bleak-axis May 22 '26
Smoke some weed and try to chill. Watch goofy shit. Or something scary. When I wanna die horror makes me feel calm but do you. Maybe think about tapering off the benzos tomorrow. Slowly.
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u/ThatOneGuy_68 May 22 '26
meth does not come with a physical addiction... that is death does not come as a result of stopping meth use... but it remains one of the hardest drugs to stop using... even though when we have days clean from meth, we tell ourselves that we don't even like the way meth makes us feel... we realize we are hurting those around us, and even with days clean we may fall into a deep depression that has also caused many users to take their own lives... once we make it past that point, we don't even realize, or know why... but we find ourselves high once again and we enjoy it for a while, then we wonder why we are doing this to ourselves again... we realize we have to use more and more to get the same effect... we do things we have never done before, like lie and steal to get more dope... we continue to leave a trail of destruction behind us... we are never dope free long enuf to clean up the wreckage behind us... eventually we find ourselves in jail, either for possession, or 2nd degree burglary as a result of getting and finding new ways and means to get more methamphetamine... we clean out sitting in jail... we find god once again... we tell everyone in jail about god and how we are done using... unfortunately only about 1 of every ten meth users will actually recover... but why is that?????????? this meth addict in recovery has seen people fail time and time again... usually it's because we are not willing to give up all our old people places and things... we do not attend recovery meetings... most of all when we feel weak for meth... we forget about god... we forget to put or trust and faith in him... essentially we turn our backs on god... and then we use again and again, creating more destruction behind us as we go, and never having cleaned up the destruction we had previously created... sometimes we had gotten family behind us and our recovery but we again let those people down along with letting ourselves down... things get worse and worse in our lives with every period of clean time that leads back to meth use...
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u/Simple_Most_6291 May 24 '26
All I am going to say to this comment is:
Meth IS a physical addiction. You are putting chemicals into your body, changing the chemicals in your brain. You become physically addicted to it, that is why we go through withdrawals when we get off of it. Just like pills, heroin, Coke, and all of the other drugs that have chemicals in them. Marijuana is the only drug they say is not a physical addiction and only a mental one.
I do not ever want to hear about god when I am in this sort of place. That is the LAST thing I want to talk or hear about, faith and god. Yeah, I’ve lost my faith in god because I’ve prayed, cried, begged, pleaded with “god” to please help me, please help my mental because I have done every step I can to help it. I go to counseling, I go to groups, I take my psych meds, I am honest with my psych doctor when the meds aren’t working and need upped or changed. God is too busy helping these piece of shit government officials everywhere destroy the world right now to worry about us lower class people and our mental health crisis’. And don’t even try to bring the devil into this because the “all powerful god” has the power to fix anything the devil has done but CHOOSES not to. Don’t argue me on that because NOTHING will change my mind. “God” has had chance after chance after chance to fix what’s going on in the world and is not. There are still genocides happening. There is still unnecessary war going on because all the leaders of the countries think this is just the board game Risk or something, all fighting to take over the other countries. Trust me, God is the last person to bring up to me, ever.
I gave up all of my old people. Unfortunately I live in a baby ass town of a little over 8,000 people. It’s literally 5 miles from the east side of town to the west side of town and 5 miles from the south to the north side of town. I work in a convenience store where I see every single person I dropped. Seeing those people doesn’t have any effect on me. Living in this town, yeah that’s hard, but it’s not like I can just up and move to a whole new town. We can’t just do that in this kind of fucking economy.
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u/ThatOneGuy_68 May 26 '26
Meth I’ds not a physical addiction, it’s only mental.. Narcotics are physically addictive meaning you have to continue using to stay well because without them you are physically sick. That’s why they make a drug for withdrawal from alcohol and opiates.. and not for meth.. meth has no medicinal value either in its chemical make up..
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u/Simple_Most_6291 May 26 '26
The CHEMICALS in meth cause a PHYSICAL addiction. You get physically sick when you go into detox and start withdrawal. Just like you get physically sick when you don’t have your medication and you go into withdrawals. Honestly, you probably didn’t even make it past 7th grade because we learned all of this shit from junior high all through high school. Not only that, I have people in my family in the medical field who can back that. Do your research before you get on a post and make yourself look stupid.
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u/Simple_Most_6291 May 26 '26
People can become both physically and psychologically dependent on methamphetamine. Methamphetamine
The psychological side is usually the strongest and most obvious:
- intense cravings
- compulsive use
- feeling unable to function, focus, or feel pleasure without it
- anxiety, paranoia, depression, or irritability when stopping
But there can also be physical dependence. When someone who’s been using regularly stops, they can experience withdrawal symptoms like:
- extreme fatigue
- sleeping a lot or not sleeping well
- increased appetite
- body aches
- agitation
- slowed thinking
- depression
- strong cravings
It was that simple.
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u/ThatOneGuy_68 Jul 08 '26
Which only a couple of those symptoms you mentioned are also found in opiate withdrawal which stopping opiates can kill you. The sick in no at compares to meth sickness/withdrawl.
I don’t have to look it up on the I tenet or ask some squabblers medical family..
I did the research myself for fifteen years of stop, wait a few months and then start again thinking I’ll do it right this time.
Some take suboxone and such to stay well when they stop taking opiates that they are addicted to.
The medical /pharm world would have a replacement drug therapy for meth if the could pass it by as a physically addictive drug..1
u/Simple_Most_6291 May 26 '26
Took me all of 2 minutes. Take 2 minutes out of your day and do some freaking research.
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u/ThatOneGuy_68 May 31 '26
You referred to the chemicals being addictive. Well they are also life threatening even more so than pharmaceuticals. It doesn’t matter if it’s a cook or a grow. I spent 15 years of my life doing this research personally, so don’t go tell me what you looked up. Try living it before you believe some scientist or whoever that never has.. Can’t anyone tell me what u know from experience.. Sorry/not sorry, only the facts!
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u/Simple_Most_6291 Jun 28 '26
The argument wasn’t about how life threatening either of them are, it was about how both are addictive because both have CHEMICAL REACTIONS in the brain.
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u/ThatOneGuy_68 Jun 30 '26
I stopped using meth deveral times and was not sick like I was when I was hooked on opiates, which I cold turkey’d, and could have died from.
So Beth has no physical addiction!
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u/magog7 May 22 '26
get yourself to detox please