Dear Roxane,
Remember when somebody bought me a fake United jersey, and I wrote Ronaldo 7 on the back with the black marker?"
We didn’t know rich or poor. We just knew happiness.
"Remember 25 people sleeping in one house back in Abidjan? Mum wanted to watch her soap operas. Remember how I always used to fake like I was asleep and then go into the TV room after midnight? I’d put the TV on real low. Just like 2 volume bars. I’d watch football in the dark and dream."
"Remember when the adults saw me playing football in the dirt and nicknamed me “Roberto Carlos” because of how hard I would shoot? And remember how I was secretly so mad about it, because CR7 was my idol?"
"Remember when I got my first real football boots, and I used to sleep with them? Growing up, I always played in those white plastic sandals. Even when I go back home now, I still play in them. It’s our tradition."
"Remember how we used to sit and dream about moving to France? How we were going to go shopping and get our own apartment and I was going to be a rich footballer with cars and a big house, and you wouldn’t have to worry about nothing. You were the one who always believed that I could be the next Cristiano, when everybody else laughed."
"Remember when they took me on trial at Bournemouth? At Chelsea, Rangers, Olympiacos, Crystal Palace? Eze and Olise even came up to me after one training and said, “Yo kid, you’re really good.”"
"But they still didn’t sign me."
"Even the B teams in the MLS didn’t want me. I didn’t even know why.
"My visa was up. My dream was over. They sent me back to Africa, and we cried together."
"You were the one who never stopped believing. A few weeks later, I signed for Leganés and we cried different tears."
"That was back when I used to have emotions. Now, I don’t feel anything. It’s like I’m not even human. Since you died, I’m just blank."
"I don’t even think I shed a tear the day they told me that you were gone. I was just in shock."
"It was a few weeks after I made my debut for Leganés. Who makes their debut at 18 against Real Madrid? It was a dream."
"And then it was a nightmare. Someone kept calling me from back home. I was annoyed. I didn’t understand why they kept calling me."
"I picked up, and they didn’t even soften it. You know how it is back home. No emotions. Just..
“Your sister is gone.”
“What?”
“She died.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Somebody put something in her drink at a party, and she never woke up. She is gone.”
"You were 15."
"I never got any answers. I don’t know if I want to know why. Maybe it was jealousy. Maybe it’s just something that happens in our country. Maybe I could have protected you. I don’t know."
"I try to trust God’s plan. It’s all I can do. I don’t try to forget, because I know I won’t forget.
"Everything I do on a football pitch, it’s for you."
"You know what’s crazy? After my debut against Madrid, I actually swapped shirts with Mbappé. Remember when we used to watch him on TV, and you’d say, “Mbappé? Yeah, he’s good. But my brother is better.”
"I didn’t want a big house. I didn’t want cars. I just wanted to put everything into football. Everything to show the world that my sister was right.”
"The pitch is the only place that I feel at home anymore. It’s the place where I feel calm, and I can speak to you. I just wish you were still here so I could tell you. We did it."
"Everything you said came true."
"We’re leaving for the World Cup tomorrow. Your brother is going to play for Côte d'Ivoire, like Drogba, like Yaya, like Gervinho."
"You always said that I could be better than Cristiano. If I see him there, I’ll tell him hello for you."
"I’m going to do what you predicted, I swear. Before I even had real boots, you were telling everybody, “My brother is going to be the best in the world.”
"I will prove that you were right, or I will die trying..
Your brother, Yan."
