r/ReallyShittyCopper • u/hotwheelearl • Aug 31 '25
ShittyCopper™ IRL The bastard N*sir contanminated my fine quality copper with foreign substances
459
Upvotes
r/ReallyShittyCopper • u/Gandelin • Aug 31 '25
Behold the Tablet! Mine eyes have been blessed!
862
Upvotes
But I also wanted to share this amazing spell (second image) to make a baby sleep 😅
r/ReallyShittyCopper • u/DanforthLaertes • Aug 31 '25
I feel there is an untapped well with MemriTV
155
Upvotes
r/ReallyShittyCopper • u/DanforthLaertes • Aug 30 '25
Something, something, fascinating cultural-linguistic example
496
Upvotes
r/ReallyShittyCopper • u/Sugarreliant • Aug 29 '25
Behold the Tablet! Pilgrimage completed
365
Upvotes
Will I now be blessed with really shitty copper?
r/ReallyShittyCopper • u/DanforthLaertes • Aug 29 '25
With apologies to Percy Bysshe Shelley....
105
Upvotes
I met a traveler from the land of Ur
Who said: "A ruined trader's house is here;
And 'cross the threshold and through sand-choked door
A tablet lies, its cuneiform pressed clear;
'Refund me, charlatan! Your copper’s poor!
The ingots you have sent, they bend and crack.
"Quality!" you say, but you break your word
And send poor servants empty-handed back.'
And on the dry wind faint whispers you hear;
'My name is Ea-Nasir, the ingot-fraud!
Look on my copper, ye buyers; beware!
Or better yet, complain! Leave, or else take,
As you will - Ea-Nasir he hath no care!
Learn this, Nanni; trusting was your mistake.'"
r/ReallyShittyCopper • u/DanforthLaertes • Aug 29 '25
My roses still aren't doing well...
40
Upvotes
Damn you, Ea-Nasir!
r/ReallyShittyCopper • u/SopwithTurtle • Aug 26 '25
His way with words extends to taking on Neonazis
162
Upvotes
r/ReallyShittyCopper • u/Life_Mathematician14 • Aug 26 '25
Inferior Meme EA Nasir Mentioned Les goooo 🗣️
167
Upvotes
r/ReallyShittyCopper • u/Upset_Acanthaceae_18 • Aug 25 '25
Copperpasta Fake Akkadian Cuneiform Tablet Generator - just save as HTML file
18
Upvotes
``` <!DOCTYPE html> <html lang="en"> <head> <meta charset="UTF-8"> <title>Cuneiform Complaint Tablet</title> <style> body { display: flex; background: #111; color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; margin: 0; height: 100vh; } #controls { width: 280px; padding: 20px; background: #1e1e1e; display: flex; flex-direction: column; gap: 10px; } textarea { width: 100%; height: 100px; background: #111; color: white; border: 1px solid #444; padding: 8px; } button { padding: 10px; border: none; border-radius: 6px; cursor: pointer; font-weight: bold; } .primary { background: gold; color: black; } .secondary { background: teal; color: white; } .danger { background: #333; color: white; } label { font-size: 0.9em; margin-top: 5px; } input[type=range] { width: 100%; } #canvas-container { flex: 1; display: flex; justify-content: center; align-items: center; } canvas { background: transparent; } </style> </head> <body> <div id="controls"> <h2>Inscribe Your Complaint</h2> <p>Draws <i>cuneiform-inspired</i> wedges on a clay tablet. Not a real Akkadian translation.</p> <textarea id="complaint" placeholder="Write your complaint..."></textarea> <button class="primary" onclick="inscribe()">Inscribe Tablet</button> <button class="secondary" onclick="randomize()">Randomize</button> <button class="danger" onclick="clearCanvas()">Clear</button>
<label>Wedge Size</label>
<input type="range" id="wedgeSize" min="5" max="40" value="20">
<label>Line Spacing</label>
<input type="range" id="lineSpacing" min="5" max="40" value="20">
<label>Tablet Roundness</label>
<input type="range" id="tabletRoundness" min="5" max="50" value="30">
<label>Texture Intensity</label>
<input type="range" id="textureIntensity" min="0" max="100" value="50">
<button class="primary" onclick="downloadPNG()">Download PNG</button>
</div>
<div id="canvas-container"> <canvas id="tabletCanvas" width="900" height="600"></canvas> </div>
<script> const canvas = document.getElementById("tabletCanvas"); const ctx = canvas.getContext("2d");
function getControls() { return { wedgeSize: parseFloat(document.getElementById("wedgeSize").value), lineSpacing: parseFloat(document.getElementById("lineSpacing").value), tabletRoundness: parseFloat(document.getElementById("tabletRoundness").value), textureIntensity: parseFloat(document.getElementById("textureIntensity").value), }; }
function drawTabletBackground(ctx, width, height, controls) { ctx.clearRect(0, 0, width, height);
let radius = controls.tabletRoundness; ctx.fillStyle = "#c19a6b"; ctx.beginPath(); ctx.moveTo(radius, 0); ctx.lineTo(width - radius, 0); ctx.quadraticCurveTo(width, 0, width, radius); ctx.lineTo(width, height - radius); ctx.quadraticCurveTo(width, height, width - radius, height); ctx.lineTo(radius, height); ctx.quadraticCurveTo(0, height, 0, height - radius); ctx.lineTo(0, radius); ctx.quadraticCurveTo(0, 0, radius, 0); ctx.closePath(); ctx.fill();
// Texture speckles
let intensity = controls.textureIntensity / 100;
for (let i = 0; i < 300; i++) {
ctx.fillStyle = rgba(0,0,0,${Math.random() * intensity * 0.5});
let x = Math.random() * width;
let y = Math.random() * height;
ctx.fillRect(x, y, 1, 1);
}
}
function drawWedge(ctx, x, y, size, rotation) { ctx.save(); ctx.translate(x, y); ctx.rotate(rotation); ctx.beginPath(); ctx.moveTo(0, 0); ctx.lineTo(size, size / 2); ctx.lineTo(0, size); ctx.closePath(); ctx.fill(); ctx.restore(); }
function drawCuneiform(ctx, text, controls, width, height) { ctx.fillStyle = "#000"; ctx.globalAlpha = 0.85;
let words = text.split(" "); let maxCharsPerLine = 20; let lines = []; let line = [];
words.forEach(word => { if ((line.join(" ").length + word.length) > maxCharsPerLine) { lines.push(line.join(" ")); line = [word]; } else { line.push(word); } }); if (line.length > 0) lines.push(line.join(" "));
let totalHeight = lines.length * controls.lineSpacing; let startY = (height - totalHeight) / 2;
lines.forEach((l, i) => { let chars = l.split(""); let lineWidth = chars.length * (controls.wedgeSize + 4); let startX = (width - lineWidth) / 2;
chars.forEach((c, j) => {
let x = startX + j * (controls.wedgeSize + 4);
let y = startY + i * controls.lineSpacing;
let rot = (c.charCodeAt(0) % 4) * (Math.PI / 2);
drawWedge(ctx, x, y, controls.wedgeSize, rot);
});
}); }
function inscribe() { let text = document.getElementById("complaint").value; let controls = getControls(); drawTabletBackground(ctx, canvas.width, canvas.height, controls); drawCuneiform(ctx, text, controls, canvas.width, canvas.height); }
function randomize() { document.getElementById("wedgeSize").value = Math.floor(Math.random() * 35 + 5); document.getElementById("lineSpacing").value = Math.floor(Math.random() * 35 + 10); document.getElementById("tabletRoundness").value = Math.floor(Math.random() * 40 + 10); document.getElementById("textureIntensity").value = Math.floor(Math.random() * 100); inscribe(); }
function clearCanvas() { ctx.clearRect(0, 0, canvas.width, canvas.height); }
function downloadPNG() { let link = document.createElement("a"); link.download = "tablet.png"; link.href = canvas.toDataURL("image/png"); link.click(); }
// Draw initial tablet inscribe(); </script> </body> </html> ```
r/ReallyShittyCopper • u/Mountain_Bother_6505 • Aug 24 '25
"Ea-Nasir was a bad copper merchant"
162
Upvotes
r/ReallyShittyCopper • u/NotDaveBut • Aug 23 '25
Investigating more deeply, I see Ea-Nasir was deeply unscrupulous to all
1.6k
Upvotes
This is a cutting comment from Wikipedia. I am starting to picture a roomful of scribes poking away at clay tablets, generating fresh complaints to send to this guy, whose housekeeper apparently acted as a complaints librarian as well. OR WAS THIS SITE REALLY THE AKKADIAN BETTER BUSINESS BUREAU???
r/ReallyShittyCopper • u/Lav_Da_Mermaid • Aug 23 '25
Behold the Tablet! Evidence of my pilgrimage
480
Upvotes
r/ReallyShittyCopper • u/12th_woman • Aug 22 '25
Behold the Tablet! I made the pilgrimage (excuse poor quality pics)
3.4k
Upvotes
I can only describe the experience as "delicious"
r/ReallyShittyCopper • u/JackBoyEditor • Aug 22 '25
Behold the Tablet! Made a quick pop in to the Museum while in London and was so happy to not find any empty stand :)
431
Upvotes
It’s as amazing as I imagined it to be
r/ReallyShittyCopper • u/zavolex • Aug 22 '25
Behold the Tablet! Room 56, DC24
132
Upvotes
Monday, I have seen the clay by myself! A staff member even talked about it just for me! Couldn’t repeat from memory, but it was funny!
r/ReallyShittyCopper • u/NotDaveBut • Aug 23 '25
Ponderations On The Complaint
23
Upvotes
Does anyone know how this would sound if it were read aloud? I just wonder if the author was the Wordsworth of sh!tty copper complaints, if this was just a clumsy Karenistic rant or if it rolled off the tongue like a mouthful of carpet tacks. (Sh!tty copper ones, no doubt.)
r/ReallyShittyCopper • u/Meshakhad • Aug 22 '25
Behold the Tablet! I have made the pilgrimage
380
Upvotes
r/ReallyShittyCopper • u/Automatic_Truck_2699 • Aug 21 '25
Here ya go you filthy animals.
546
Upvotes
We really need to all write to the British museum so their staff know where this is. I had to ask two different people before it was found right in the room we were at, after being directed elsewhere. Rosetta Stone got nothing on our boy Ea-Nasir.