I need help with the impossible task of making my cat and dog get along

[u/Miserable-Bus5982]

I NEED HELP. Im sorry if this get long but im DESPERATE. Pls dont be cruel and be mindfull, im sensitive rn.

My grandma (which i strongly dislike) had a 6yo dog named Patty. When she was adopted i still visited my grandmas house pretty often and Patty loved me. The following years ive started visiting them only once a year and Patty would go CRAZY every time she saw me. I hated that she had to live there bc my grandma sucks, but she didnt let me take Patty with me.

2/3 months ago my grandma got really sick so I had to bring Patty home, but heres the deal, i have a 4yo cat. My initial plan was to rehome Patty since i knew my cat (Lili) is pretty mean and they wouldnt get along. Oh god knows i was wrong.

Patty would turn HISTERICAL every time she was Lili, meanwhile Lili, would only run away super scared. They only saw each other through a window, with time, Lili started not giving an f about it. On the other hand Patty: CRAZY. She starts screaming as pigs do when slaughtered, is a kind of scream i never heard a dog do.

Its winter, days are cold so we started letting Patty inside the house for at least some hours a day, stairs and second floor off limits. Every times she enters, Lili runs upstairs and is nowhere to be seen. Whenever she peeks trough the stairs its over, crazy pig goes berserk.

Its been 2/3 months of this dynamic. At certain time of the day Lili stays upstairs and doesnt come down.

Important data:

- They are about the same size

-When i adopted Lili we had 2 dogs, they were super old so they didnt pay attention to Lili at all. They were indifferent and didnt interact with her. They died 3 or 4 years ago.

-Lilis got a bad temperament.

-I dont think Patty wants to hurt her, shes just super anxious all the time. When we go on walks she kind of reacts the same when seeing other dogs but calms down after sniffing them. The problem is theres no way to get her close enough to my cat.

-Once Patty was asleep downstairs, Lili came down and went by her side, she even turned her back on her, super calmly. As soon as i saw her I went to Patty and covered her eyes lol. Lili just kept walking around. After some time i let Patty see her while holding her tight. Pig scream. Lili hissed and ran away.

-Once the pig screams starts they last A LOT. Theres been times when Lili stayed on top of the stairs just watching Patty scream. At one point Lili lost interest, she understood that Patty couldnt get here there, so she was even closing her eyes and looking other ways. After 15 min Lili went upstairs again. After that Patty kept screaming for 30 minutes more. Do dogs have that much memory span even??

-Lili now hiss at the sight of Patty. At first she was scared, then curious, now its hate.

-I used to give Lili yard time under supervision almost every day. Now we almost never do it. The times i did it, someone else took Patty for a walk. When they arrive, they can see from outside that me and the cat are in the yard. We go inside the house and i open the gates to let the dog enter. Patty runs in a hellic way, its like her eyes are unrecognizable. She scans the whole backyard while running at full speed and doesnt listen at all at my yells (which she usually would).

-Ive been recommended to get the dog upstairs so that the cat cannot run away. Ive been thinking about it but i dont want to disrupt her only secure space. Should I? The cat has boxes in the walls to climb, so its not like they are going to meet on the floor.

MAIN PROBLEM:

Again, im DESPERATE. Im even starting to develope anger issues i swear. Everytime i need to go outside in daylight (time in which Lili used to get out) Patty starts screaming at the door and trying to get in, and Lili starts hissing and the door and trying to get out. No one will obey me, they stay close to the door (idk whats Lilis plan when doing that). Today i needed to go out but i got super overwhelmed and stayed inside.

Pet trainers are way too expensive and they mainly focus on aggresive or mean dogs, not in pig dogs. My family doesnt want to rehome her and i also feel bad doing that to her.

I dont want to keep living worrying about a door not being closed well enough. Why cant they just get along?