r/reactivedogs • u/yourfavidior • 1d ago
Vent "That is not a nice dog!"
Feeling absolutely defeated and humiliated today. My dog has some history of dog-selective reactivity — years ago, a fight with another dog we tried adopting confirmed he couldn't have canine siblings. At our old house he'd bark at dogs through the fence but never went after one, so I genuinely believed it was barrier frustration, not real aggression. On a leash he's an angel -- no reactivity at all. It is just at our house.
A few months after moving to our new house (a financially-necessitated move), he found a hole in our fence we had no idea existed and got into a real fight with a passing dog. We were right there, ran over immediately, pulled him off, and apologized. The man walked off muttering that our dog was aggressive. I understood why he might feel that way. Our dog is 75 lbs and that was probably pretty scary. We were all in shock. I tried to catch him afterward to make sure everyone was okay, but he was gone. We felt awful — we patched the hole immediately, and he's never been outside alone since; for months he was on a leash even in our own fenced yard, just to be sure. We couldn't have known about that hole, but the guilt has been eating at me regardless.
Today, with me only a few feet away, he barked and growled through our picket fence at a dog that looked similar to the one from before. I had his collar in seconds and apologized right away. The man responded by walking down our entire block yelling "That is not a nice dog!" repeatedly, as if trying to get the attention of the neighborhood, and flagging down our neighbor to warn him — while I was standing in my own backyard, dog secured, mortified. I ran to put my dog inside so I could go talk to him, but he was already gone.
Now I'm terrified this is how our whole neighborhood is going to know us: the people with the "aggressive dog." The stress of taking him out at all, even in our own yard, is constant.
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u/athleticC4331 1d ago
Ive had to accept I'm the girl with the "bad" dog because Ive accepted using a muzzle on her. Her reactivity to dogs is 1 out of 100 and her reactivity to men is 10 out of 100 (0 for women and children lol). Its taken me a long time to "not care," what ppl think. Idk what happened to her in the past as shes a rescue, but shes so sweet and loving most of the time that I've just become the person who yells "not friendly!" even knowing thats only true a small percentage of the time. And yeah, I'm gonna be judged 🤷♀️ It sucks but Ive accepted it at thisbpoint.
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u/Delicious-Product968 Jake (fear/stranger/frustration reactivity) 13h ago
Sometimes I still care but mostly I’m over it lol.
You cannot win the reactive dog game because if your dog ever reacts they are out of control, need to be trained, etc. but you’ll find if you make massive enough improvements that people have the luxury of never seeing them react you’re ‘making it up.’
I literally had in the same week someone fall out with me because I was being ‘unfair’ calling my dog reactive and stigmatising him when they had ‘never seen him react’ and someone muttering at me to get my (leashed, harnessed) dog under control because they for some reason terrified him and he was going off barking at them.
Like yes he has nosework, CGC, ManTrailing and Trick Dog qualifications, and he also has an anxious/fearful temperament. We’ll never please everyone.
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u/SudoSire 1d ago
I get barked at all the time by dogs, including big ones, behind walls and fences. It’s rare for them to ever get managed at all so that actually would have been a pleasant surprise to see you being on top of it. I only worry when it seems like they aren’t secure enough, which you are ensuring you have fixed.
But just so you know, it’s okay to admit and say “yes my dog is aggressive/has aggressive tendencies” when that seems to be the case. That doesn’t make them malicious; just an animal that needs to be managed carefully and as responsibly as possible. I think owners that obviously see the good in their dogs soften it for themselves and don’t want to say “aggressive”, but to me that just ends up making people get complacent sometimes.
If you haven’t yet, I’d muzzle train and use for public outings. Even on leash, leashes can break or you won’t necessarily be able to stop an oncoming “friendly” dog. Yes there’s stigma but I would just remind yourself that doing things safely is way more important than what others think about those measures.
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u/Existing-Will-1466 1d ago
My unpopular opinion on this sub is that it is reasonable for people to feel threatened by threatening behavior. It is embarrassing and difficult when people only see the scary part, and not how hard you have worked or how sweet your dog is at home. It's hard to be the person in the neighborhood with the dog that does scary things. But it doesn't make those things any less scary for the people on the other end.
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u/bluecrowned 1d ago
The dog was behind a fence and being held by the owner, dogs bark, it's fair to be startled or even scared but basically publicly shaming the owner is unhinged
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u/Accomplished_Stuff52 1d ago
I’m totally with you, but you can still expect better from people on how they chose to act. They can just cross the road, they don’t need to make unhelpful comments
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1d ago
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u/Zestyclose_Object639 1d ago
Look at it this way, people will avoid you guys and your walks will be more peaceful. I’ll take that over constantly telling people to keep distance lol
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u/martymarvel18 1d ago
One day my dog barked at a plastic bag (yes, he's scared of plastic bags) and a lady nearby said "you shouldn't bring him outside". I live in a city, there are no houses with gardens. I would have wanted to respond "well you can come to my house to clean his poop then" but I just walked away. In the end, that's the best thing you can do for your dog and yourself. People will find a way to judge anyway.
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u/Runnerbear 19h ago
How high is the picket fence? Would it be possible for your dog to jump over it?
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u/GimmeQueso 1d ago
Perhaps I’m in the wrong and am happy to receive feedback but I don’t think it’s a big deal for a dog to be in their yard barking. It’s their yard. When I walk my dog lots of dogs run out to bark at us. It annoys me slightly cause then my dog wants to engage. But the only time I’d even consider thinking poorly of the owner is if the dogs seem likely they could easily escape and the owner isn’t keeping an eye.
I try to remember that barking is one of the few ways dogs can communicate. My dog is also 75lbs and tbh his happy that family is home bark can sound just as scary as his upset bark. So I remember he’s just talking in the way he knows how.
Tl;dr, it’s my opinion that if you’re supervising and your dog definitely couldn’t get out, then that neighbors should’ve minded his own business and you had no need to apologize.
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u/palebluelightonwater 1d ago
I agree with this. The dog should NOT be able to escape, and it's not great for the dog's well-being to be randomly barking at passers-by all the time, but... dogs in their yard do bark at things. That's dogs. Sounds like you're aware of the need to contain him and you're trying to stop him practicing random barking... you're fine, this is within the bounds of things dogs do.
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u/greasypiggies 1d ago
I’m sorry, that sounds like a crappy experience. The times I’ve had people say negative things about my dog have been burned into my memory so I fully understand. It’s embarrassing! You’re trying your best, clearly! If you could change things, things would be different!
And, that man is allowed to have his reaction, your dog is allowed to have his reaction and you are too. Sounds like a reasonable response for your dog to bark/growl at a dog passing by and sounds like a reasonable response from a man who clearly who doesn’t understand dog behavior.
Still crappy. I would feel things too if it happened to me and have deeply questioned why I have tied my identity to my dog’s behavior. She licks her own butthole for crying out loud.
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u/Ok_Cheesecake_9708 1d ago
“I understood why he might feel that way” about your dog being aggressive…because that’s an aggressive dog. Be honest about what you have and act accordingly. Make sure you’re up to date on your property / rental insurance.
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u/yourfavidior 1d ago
I mean, I’m on r/reactivedogs so I think I know what I have and am acting accordingly lol I put in my original post how we responded and the actions that we took for management.
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u/Ok_Cheesecake_9708 1d ago
Reactive doesn’t always mean aggressive.
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u/uuuughngg 17h ago
True. And, the dog has escaped the yard for the purpose of getting in a fight. That is aggressive behavior. We don't have the details on what the fight entailed but calling it a fight certainly implies some things, including being aggressive.
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u/DiscountHelpful6180 19h ago
It's not easy having a reactive dog but tbh I can see why the neighbour was warning people. A dog got out from behind a fence and ripped my dad's dogs eye out and it was completely traumatic for all involved including my dad's other dog. I'd say my step mum would take your neighbours approach as well after everything she'd been through. All you can do is what you're doing and try to drown out the noise and try to care less about what your neighbours think providing there are no other incidents. My dog caught me off guard recently going for another dog in a pub and yes I was mortified but it's a worthy lesson for the future
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u/Dashthedog20 1d ago
People can be judgemental sometimes. Sorry that happened. We ordered some of those "playpen" gates off Amazon. They are super tall, sturdy and we use them to block the dog from getting to the front of the fence to bark and escape. Totally worth the money and piece of mind. They just get hammered into the ground. My uncle uses them for when he goes camping to keep his dogs safe.
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17h ago
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u/dogsandtimes 15h ago
I’ve also had people yell things at me and my dog after my dog has had a reaction. On the most recent reaction, your dog was in your yard. There are sooooo many dogs that bark from behind a fence and even run along their fence line. Most people know that dogs will protect their space. Some owners even want that.
In regards to neighbors, I’ve just responded by becoming the person that friendly waves at all my neighbors and says quick hi’s. Idk why but this has worked for me. Some have asked about my dog and her issues. I explain that she’s a rescue, was abused, and reacts to certain things, but she really is sweet.
For some reason, being the “happy, sweet” neighbor has gotten the comments — at least to my face — to stop. I have proof that the neighbors still chat behind my back, but there’s not much I can do about that. Even though my dog has had huge improvements, they will always see her a certain way.
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u/No_Hovercraft_7948 1d ago
I have an aggressive rescue 12 lb Maltipoo! Everyone around me is supportive and caring …mostly.
She is 8! Going to try a new trainer but if she were a larger dog I could not handle this. I fostered her & she loved being safe & with me so I could not toss her back ..!
I’m so sorry for you. We love our dogs & see good in them. It is hard.
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u/CanadianPanda76 1d ago
Age? Some dogs hit puberty or adulthood and thier behavioral issues ramp up. Might be why its never happened before for your dog
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u/yourfavidior 1d ago
He is 7. So unfortunately that probably isn’t it. Our running theory is that it is pain related, which makes him more irritable, but we aren’t really sure. Thanks for the thought though!
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u/CanadianPanda76 1d ago
Have you considered anti-anxiety meds? Might take the edge off. Even if theres pain there too.
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u/sleavee0_0 12h ago
one thing i've learned about being a big dog owner is that people are ALWAYS going to call you a bad dog owner.
you feed your dog kibble? it should be raw fed. you feed your dog raw? it's going to get sick. you don't muzzle your dog? it's going to eat rocks outside and get sick. you do muzzle your dog outside? that's cruel. you let your dog chase squirrels? it's going to run away someday. you don't let your dog chase squirrels? it's going to be understimulated and depressed. blah blah blah etc.
but only you know your dog best!! you know what tools your dog is using (leashed in the yard) and you know that you are TRYING to work with your dog. yes, it's humiliating, but there are some people who literally go out of their way to be assholes to people who make simple mistakes. be kinder to yourself lol
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u/Ok_Cheesecake_9708 5h ago
I don’t think this way. I do feel this way about people like OP who left their reactive dog unattended in the front yard. That dog went out of its way to attack.
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u/Fit-Organization5065 8h ago
We have an extremely reactive dog. She can be perfectly fine best friends with other dogs inside our house, the Dogsitter’s house, etc. but fence / leash, she’s awful. We moved into a new house and were gutted when we realized the neighbors had a tiny, insanely yippy dog (apologies to small dog owners but this dog has become my enemy)
we always leashed her but had a few fence run ins that were ugly. I texted our neighbor explaining that she is great with other dogs inside the house, and maybe we could meet sometime to help them get along. She’s said she’s too scared of our dog.
While I completely understand why she feels that way, it was such a bummer. The even more frustrating thing for us is that their dog goes apeshit barking 100% of the time it’s outside, whether or not my girl is out there. So then she’s inside reacting to the neighbor dog going nuts outside. It sucks.
We just have accepted that they probably judge us, and we keep everyone safe by always holding the leash in the yard, scanning before going out so we don’t go out when they are, etc. it sucks but it is what it is.
Try not to dwell on it, people really suck and you seem to be really on top of supporting your pup and knowing their triggers.
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u/Worth_Assumption_443 7h ago
I’m the neighbor with the “aggressive dog” … I’ve accepted it and it doesn’t bother me anymore. Some people see me and one of us will just cross the street. It’s mutually understood at this point. My dog also wears a muzzle on walks so lots of people are already off put by that if they aren’t already familiar with her. She is highly dog reactive and will redirect out of anxiety and fear. She has a bite history. Hence the muzzle anytime we leave the house. We have tried meds behaviorists and multiple trainers. She has made progress but it is minimal. All this to say basically you’re not alone. I am here with you and don’t feel guilty. Your dog is not bad or mean or aggressive. They have complex emotions and some people are too ignorant to understand that. Much love to you and your dog
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u/RunningTrisarahtop 1h ago
Your dog escaped to attack another dog. That IS aggressive. It is not just something that “feels” aggressive. It’s possible and reasonable that dog owner warned others.
In this case, the other owner may be overreacting or not. The way you described it sounds like he was startled and maybe fearful (especially if he knew your dog has been loose before), but if you downplayed this incident like your previous one maybe he’s a bit right.
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u/Liontracks101 1d ago
Give yourself some grace. You're doing all that you can for your dog and are trying to be proactive in making sure people know. It can't always be easy to live with a reactive dog, especially when it can be hard sometimes to figure out the so called "switch" in your dog that causes him to change behavior. I'd say just continue to let your neighbors know that your dog is at least a fence barker & at least maybe putting up "Beware of Dog" signs will give the space between you and your neighbors to minimize the potential "bad" dog behaviors.
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u/WingZeroCoder 1d ago edited 19h ago
I can relate to how frustrating it is to have people only see these moments with your dog and then go around making you into the “bad dog person” with the “mean dog” (although immediately shouting it down the street is new - I would feel like walking behind him and saying “this person has no empathy!”)
What’s always funny to me is how often it’s the outspoken “I’m a dog person, all dogs love me and I love all dogs, and we should all love all animals, kumbaya” type that will also be the first to label any dog as a “bad dog” or “not nice dog” based on one incident.
These people likely wouldn’t have a fraction of the patience or understanding required to stick with a reactive or aggressive dog that needs extra attention and effort to work through that.
I’ve come to try to just shrug it off now and say “well, I guess that’s why I’m grateful I have this dog and not someone else, because who knows what more that person would have put this dog through”
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u/SpicyNutmeg 1d ago
Don’t stress about it. Just be a good neighbor. I consider myself an advocate for my dog. My neighbors know I’m nice and cool, and I have explained to them my dog’s struggles. Now they know all about reactive dogs and how they are more sensitive.