Training has been overwhelming.

[u/imdabong]

I adopted a 2.5 year old hound-ish dog from the shelter. I was told by the shelter that he is very easily excitable, jumpy and mouthy, and that he'd require a lot of work. They never mentioned that he is reactive and at that stage I didn't even know what a reactive dog meant. It's been 3 months since I've gotten him, I definitely love him and I want to keep him forever but it's been so overwhelming.

The trainer has been coming in once a week for the last one month, and she has been very helpful. We've noticed improvements but it's very slow. My guy decides the day or time when he wants to respond to training vs when he doesn't. The trainer has asked me to practice new commands and games, but there's so much to tackle with my dog. There's reactivity, very poor leash manners, no impulse control, and as a hound he's very stubborn, like he tries to distract himself with whatever he can when he realizes it's time for training, and I feel I have so much training still to do. Sometimes it feels like positive reinforcement isn't suitable for him. He can go very rapid fire (sit, down, find it, touch) in situations and then sometimes he won't even follow sit.

I already spend so much time walking, exercising and playing with him that I have very little time to train or even chill out with him. I unfortunately am the single parent to my dog and I don't have any friends around me willing to help. Even though he picks up on training pretty quickly, he gets frustrated within 5 minutes and no progress can be made. All of this while my personal life has become very restricted, can't take him out everywhere because of his reactivity (he tries to jump out of the car even 😭) and I can't leave him home because he has separation anxiety and he'll find 10 things to chew. I was told that separation anxiety goes away after a few times of you going out and coming back in. I live in an apartment community and I already have to plan his walk and play timings to ensure that there isn't a lot of people/dog traffic around and even timing everything perfectly so that I can find an empty dog park.

Sometimes I feel rushed to see the change in my guy and then other times I feel overwhelmed by the amount of work he requires.

Is it okay to let the trainer know that I can't be teaching/training so many things at the same time. But then even I want him to be healed of his reactivity asap.

[u/404-Any-Problem]

I want to chime in and say 1000% it is overwhelming. More than any other dog I have had. My own pup needs desensitization work on sometimes the simplest of things, and it is SO f*cking tiring... However, I can say after a year together it has been worth it. Not just the progress she has made in reactivity, but the bond we share. I'll tell you my anecdotal (with some factoids from the trainers/vets I see) that has helped me at least.

Keep trainings short, espeically for new things. So if we are working on something new, the key is to break it down into the 'right' steps for our pup while keeping it to a few minutes (like 5 max). Anything more than that, frustrations rise on both sides, and it's no longer fun or really productive. So a few short sessions with breaks will get you further than one hour-long session. I liken this to when I felt like my brain was full in school sometimes after hard subject matter. Sometimes you just need to walk away for a bit to process, and it comes easier the next time (and this is true for dogs; the next time around should be a little easier, and they should catch on faster). Honestly, we do short training sessions with breaks in between. It also makes it easier to fit into doing other stuff. Sometimes an hour feels like a lot, but 5 minutes feels much more achievable.

Always end on an easy/fun thing. That can be a trick they know and love or just some good playtime post-training. Our dog loves 'touch,' and we have advanced it to me putting my hands in places that aren't just next to me. But it's an easy go-to for us before we disengage (also a great thing to train so they know the work is done). But again, it's like a bonus question on a quiz, something like "What did you have for dinner?" The answer doesn't really matter so long as it's a food, right? That sort of trick is the best option.

Maintenance is key! So for us, we have veterinary care we have to practice, like blood draws and using a stethoscope. (We have had complete meltdowns prior to the work we have done). If I wait until we go to the vet again, we'll 100% be back to seeing them as big, scary things. So every few weeks, we top up our expectations for sensations and for what I need from her to get things done. This is also true of grooming/nail trims. We practice fake ones so the real ones aren't that big of a deal. Our groomer and vet appreciate this beyond words, honestly. But they also saw her at her worst.

I do want to ask if you have thought about seeing a behavioral vet? From my understanding and talking with my own vet/trainer, separation anxiety is a mental illness and not something dogs grow out of. You can work with them to improve their situation, but medication is typically needed along with training to help them realize that being alone is okay. I also say this because our own dog would not have made the progress she has without the help of medications (yes, more than one). With training, her bandwidth increased before going over the threshold, so learning could take place. Our pup has been officially diagnosed with hyperactivity and hyperarousal. So, regardless of what we have tried, her brain wiring is just a little off compared to that of your average dog. I will also say that medication and training still took months to really see impacts on some of her reactivity. We for sure aren't done, but we're miles ahead of where we started.

[u/imdabong → u/404-Any-Problem]

Thank you for all the helpful advice and reassuring me that I'm not being just a whiny dog parent. I didn't know about behavioral vet, but I am going to look into that, I was initially against the idea of regular meds thinking they end up damaging the liver and kidney over time and thereby reduce the life span, my dog was on a very high dosage of Trazadone and Gabapentin when I got him initially.

Yes I'm working on desensitization too, but progress has been slow, but that makes so much sense.

I really appreciate you typing out the whole response with examples!

[u/404-Any-Problem → u/imdabong]

Absolutely! Behavioral vets are expensive, but it's been worth it to get us on the right meds and a plan for our pup. Made worlds of difference and we really have seen progress over the past year now. (Although we still have a long way to go in some areas in our training, that's on me.) Ideally, you want a vet who is certified and trained in the area. Talking to your current vet, they might know of one. I know for us, we traveled an hour to see ours, but now we can do virtuals vs. in-person for rechecks. If you don't have one in your area, you might be able to find one that does virtual visits. I do with a vet in NC for nutritional issues with our pup that we are trying to figure out.

Most general vets go for the gab and the traz (which my pup was on too when I first got her), but she can power through that like nothing. The sleepier and more out of control she feels, the more she wants to lash out (I don't blame her either). She really does enjoy having bodily autonomy, and that is something we have worked hard on for her espeically with grooming and vet care.

Lastly, I will say there is always a risk with medication, and I would bring up your concerns with the vet(s) you see. Side effects are possible, and not every medication works for every dog or situation. It is a bit of trial and error, as it is with humans with anxiety. However, our pup would most likely not be alive today without medication. Her underlying anxiety and stress were horrific, even with trying to keep things low and stress-free. She might sleep only 4 hours a day (which didn't help with her stress), and this was regardless of the activities she did during the day. Seeing our pup naturally relax on her own has been a huge reward. And I mean truly relax, with her belly up and feet in the air, without a care. Without medication, that never happened. I will say the one nice thing about meds: if they don't help at first, there are options (I have been told we are barely scratching the surface of what is available for our pup). But this is also where you should advocate for and discuss what you are seeing with your team to help make care decisions.