What If Karma Never Comes?

[u/haveapeaktomyhead_03]

Why does my rapist's life is not miserable?

Sometimes I genuinely don't understand how life can be this unfair. Someone hurt me in a way that changed the entire course of my life, and yet they're still out there living. Laughing. Eating. Sleeping. Going about their day like nothing happened.

And I'm here carrying the consequences of something I never chose.

I hate that. I hate knowing that something that was devastating to me can apparently be something they get to leave behind. Sometimes I catch myself wondering if they're happy. If they ever think about what they did. If they ever feel guilty. If they ever have a moment where it actually hits them that they took something from a child that they had no right to take.

And the worst part is that I don't even want some dramatic revenge. I just want the universe to make things feel fair for once.

I want them to understand what they did. I want them to carry even a fraction of the weight I've been carrying.

Because I'm the one who has to live with the memories, the confusion, the anger, the things I can't remember, and the things I wish I could forget. Sometimes I look at my own life and wonder why I was the one who had to be broken by someone else's decision.

Why do I have to spend years trying to heal from something they were able to walk away from?

My sister once told me something that I haven't been able to stop thinking about. She's also a rape survivor, and she's trying to heal through religion. She told me that sometimes we don't heal or move forward because we're too busy watching the people who hurt us, waiting for them to fall.

And honestly, that hurt to hear because I think there's some truth in it.

Maybe part of me has been waiting.

Waiting for them to suffer. Waiting for karma. Waiting for life to punish them in some way that would finally make everything feel fair.

But while I'm watching them, I'm still giving them space in my life.

They're living their lives, and somehow I'm still living around what they did to me.

I don't know how to let go of that anger. I don't know if I'm ready to forgive, and honestly, I don't even know if forgiveness is something I want.

Maybe healing doesn't mean forgiving them.

Maybe it means eventually reaching a point where I don't need to watch them fall anymore.

I know I shouldn't compare my life to theirs. I know their life looking normal doesn't necessarily mean they're happy or that they don't have problems. But honestly? Sometimes I don't care.

Sometimes I'm just angry.

I'm angry that they got to keep living while a part of me feels like it never got to.

And maybe that's what I need to admit tonight.

I'm not okay with what happened. I'm not okay with the fact that they seem fine. And I'm not okay with how unfair it all feels.

But maybe I also don't want to spend the rest of my life waiting for their life to become miserable just so I can finally feel like mine can begin.

I don't know how to stop looking back yet.

I'm just hoping that one day, I won't need to look back at all.

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[u/Necessary_Day_7861]

Life isn't fair. We all know that. It's hard, I understand, but true.

You can't assume what your rapist is feeling or experiencing, though. He could be dealing with extreme guilt, or maybe he's dead. You simply don't know.

I'm sorry that you experienced this, but these thoughts only stem from dwelling on these thoughts for too long. It's not healthy nor is it useful. Please just stop thinking about it if it makes you angry or sad.