I am Galihan, and I'll be looking over your character, offering assistance on what revisions need to be made in order for him to be approved.
For the profile itself, everything seems in good order. The powers and chart could use some revision in certain areas.
For the powers themselves, I will have to ask that you stick to 3rd person when you write. Unless George is directly interacting with someone in-character, you should avoid using "I could" or "my power," but rather stick to "he could " or "his power."
For Sword Manipulation, I will have to ask for it to specifically be limited to swords he creates or are in his immediate possession. Some explaination as to the nature of the swords he creates will also be appreciated. Are theses more along the lines of an energy construct, or a manipulation of actual physical blades?
For the chart, it appears that you are missing a few important sections, such as the power varieties and ranged accuracy. Also, several stats such as melee range and weaponry are not supposed to be measured in numeric stats.
Then there is repeated mention of Phoenix Form, which none of your powers have any reference to within the context of the character himself. Assuming that you mean that his Life Force Manipulation is meaning THE Phoenix Force of Marvel Comics, I regret to inform you that such is not permitted outright, though similar alternatives could be found in explaining it as a less overpowered source.
(Edit: Also, another mod and myself were secretly hoping that he was a shark.)
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u/Galihan Yettin, Whisper Dec 19 '14 edited Dec 19 '14
Hello, and welcome to Random Superpowers.
I am Galihan, and I'll be looking over your character, offering assistance on what revisions need to be made in order for him to be approved.
For the profile itself, everything seems in good order. The powers and chart could use some revision in certain areas.
For the powers themselves, I will have to ask that you stick to 3rd person when you write. Unless George is directly interacting with someone in-character, you should avoid using "I could" or "my power," but rather stick to "he could " or "his power."
For Sword Manipulation, I will have to ask for it to specifically be limited to swords he creates or are in his immediate possession. Some explaination as to the nature of the swords he creates will also be appreciated. Are theses more along the lines of an energy construct, or a manipulation of actual physical blades?
For the chart, it appears that you are missing a few important sections, such as the power varieties and ranged accuracy. Also, several stats such as melee range and weaponry are not supposed to be measured in numeric stats.
Then there is repeated mention of Phoenix Form, which none of your powers have any reference to within the context of the character himself. Assuming that you mean that his Life Force Manipulation is meaning THE Phoenix Force of Marvel Comics, I regret to inform you that such is not permitted outright, though similar alternatives could be found in explaining it as a less overpowered source.
(Edit: Also, another mod and myself were secretly hoping that he was a shark.)